Im thinkin I should ditch myspace and blog here....lol

[christinajean]

WELLLL many things have changed since I last posted....that was over a month ago. Crazy I know....

Mainly, my grandmother was put in the hospital at the end of march. She was there for three weeks. She had a mass in her bowel that had to be removed. She was in the hospital for about two weeks after that as well so it was pretty hectic and stuff. I

Comments

[jk8bug]

I'm so glad your grandparents are healthy! I totally understand about being pathetic...I don't know if I ever told you about Johnny who lives in North Carolina, but we met at the National Youth Convention in St. Louis 7 years ago, and he almost kissed me (would've been my first!), was the first boy I held hands with, and my first love. Well, so we kept in touch (with a miracle of reconnection occuring 3 years since we first met), and we finally planned a visit. I bought my plane ticket, and he said that he'd take care of me while I was with him. Soo, I had no idea how it would go, but when I saw him waiting for me in the baggage claim area, I recognized him immediately; he hugged me off the ground; and kissed me on the mouth (not French) right then and there! We got my luggage, and he took my hand as we walked out. It was like no time had passed. I ended up staying an extra day with him, and that last night, he told me he loved me and that he'd loved me for 7 years. I'd realized two days before that I loved him, but I never expected to hear it from him because he'd been backing off the closer we got to me leaving. I was visiting some other friends in NC that next day, and he drove me over there early in the morning before he had to go to work. On the way we got pulled over, and he got a ticket, so we really didn't get to talk about the "I love you" thing. My last night in NC, he got off work an hour early, and my friend Laura said he could sleep on the couch, so he came out to spend one last night with me. We talked a whole lot, I thought, about how it was going to be between us once I was gone, but then when I got home, we couldn't talk the first couple nights cuz of complications, and then all of a sudden, he wasn't calling me. I knew he thought he was doing the right thing..."helping me unattach myself from him," but how he could expect me to just turn off how I felt about him I don't understand!!!! Seriously! I didn't even get to be in love more than a few days!!!! Johnny's only the second guy I've said that to! We talked about it last week, and I told him that I thought he was "pulling a Steve" by not talking to me. (Johnny really hated what Steve did to me.) And I don't think he realized that that was nearly what he was doing because he apologized a whole bunch after that. But I still don't get how he could just turn it off like that! He said it would be different if I lived there, and in those few days afterwards, I was so close to telling him I was just going to move...really stupid idea, I know. Anyhow, I just wanted to share my patheticness with you. I still dream about him at night and daydream about him when I'm awake. I'm actually dating a guy named Alex who I just met the Sunday before last (who already likes me WAY too much), and every once in a while he says something that reminds me of Johnny. It is so much trouble. And I feel bad that I'm dating Alex and that I'm really not all there. Alex does know that a bit of the story cuz I almost turned him down when he asked me for my number, and the large pause was just asking for an explanation. He opens my car doors for me, so that makes everything better, right? :P Anyhow, Johnny and I are "friends" again, even though I have some very couple-y looking pictures of us that I just mailed the doubles out to him. I don't know how he deals so easily with this! Oh wait, so one more pathetic thing: while Johnny wasn't talking to me, I actually started talking to his best friend on AIM almost every night just to have some sort of connection with him. That may be the heighth of patheticity (is that a word? if not, I like it anyway). So, I hope you have a great time with Chad in Alberta! Where in Alberta does he live? It's so beautiful out there! I hope you're doing well! Take care, Kneesha!!