Battle of the sexes, or battle of the emotions?
My relationship with Travis is falling apart. Dumb of me to say that its just now falling apart after everything, but it is. A mean joke here and there. The looks given. The days gone without speaking. This is how it all starts right? The long horrible process of falling from eachothers lifes.
I dont want this. I will never truly know what i want it seems, but i know him not in my life isnt right. It still doesnt feel right sometimes, but it didnt feel right to get married either. I keep it to myself. But i do struggle when I see him. Not in a oh my gosh i miss him way, but in a sad. am i sure. way. I know with Joe i have never been happier. But i dont know if i can have a life without him in it..or with him in it.
Its not like i could talk to anyone about this. I have learned to keep most of my emotions and deep thoughts, in the back corners of my mind. Better left unsaid. I love Joe with all my heart. Were perfect. But i cant shake the memories, ya know? A year and six months of memories. But maybe thats just it. MEMORIES. Do you not have memories with guys you cant stand and no longer talk too? I had a ton of memories with Justin, good ones. And he is still a struggle sometime. Id freeze if i saw him in public. It does still devestate me and i dont think ill ever recover from him...but i dont want him back. I dont want him in my life. And its beacause of the magic little word TIME. Perhaps all Travis and I need to truly be ex's is time. But ill admit i do not want it.
On another note: Do you think if guys to dont make noises, or "express emotion" when you are being intamate, that it means its not important to them? That they arent taking it seriously? Maybe, its because I have a vagina, but, if i feel an emotion I express it. I did a experiement a bit ago and while being intamate I didnt make one noise. It all of a sudden botherd him like something wrong. Its so hypocritical. You dont make noises or anything, ever, and you get mad at me when I think you dont care. But when I stop, and act like you, you wont have it.
Hmm.
I dont want this. I will never truly know what i want it seems, but i know him not in my life isnt right. It still doesnt feel right sometimes, but it didnt feel right to get married either. I keep it to myself. But i do struggle when I see him. Not in a oh my gosh i miss him way, but in a sad. am i sure. way. I know with Joe i have never been happier. But i dont know if i can have a life without him in it..or with him in it.
Its not like i could talk to anyone about this. I have learned to keep most of my emotions and deep thoughts, in the back corners of my mind. Better left unsaid. I love Joe with all my heart. Were perfect. But i cant shake the memories, ya know? A year and six months of memories. But maybe thats just it. MEMORIES. Do you not have memories with guys you cant stand and no longer talk too? I had a ton of memories with Justin, good ones. And he is still a struggle sometime. Id freeze if i saw him in public. It does still devestate me and i dont think ill ever recover from him...but i dont want him back. I dont want him in my life. And its beacause of the magic little word TIME. Perhaps all Travis and I need to truly be ex's is time. But ill admit i do not want it.
On another note: Do you think if guys to dont make noises, or "express emotion" when you are being intamate, that it means its not important to them? That they arent taking it seriously? Maybe, its because I have a vagina, but, if i feel an emotion I express it. I did a experiement a bit ago and while being intamate I didnt make one noise. It all of a sudden botherd him like something wrong. Its so hypocritical. You dont make noises or anything, ever, and you get mad at me when I think you dont care. But when I stop, and act like you, you wont have it.
Hmm.