so much on the brain
Hey all! I hope this entry finds you all doing well!!
It was a good weekend, although I left it feeling really unsettled for some reason. I have been going through an odd time emotionally the last couple of days. My bouts of insecurity have really flared up, and I think its partly because of all the changes that seem to be happening.
Some changes in my life have been really positive. Over the last six or seven months, I can feel how I have grown and changed. It's been gradual, but I can see how I've made huge strides in independence.
Obviously, physically, I've become independant from my family. I've moved out on my own, and proven to myself that I can take care of myself financially. But emotionally I've become much more independent. For a long time in my life, I think I secretly believed that I had to be a certain way. That I needed to have one certain person, usually a guy, to help me stand, to help me be strong....I've realized that this just isn't true. I AM strong, with or without having one person that I am with 24/7...I think I needed to prove that to myself in a big way.
Also, a comment that CT made to me the other night really hit me as true. Even though it was just a little comment, probably not meant to spur thought, it basically voiced a lot of what I had been thinking about...I was talking about all of the times I had been out recently, and he was like "It's good.
I think you've been living the life that you never lived in college." It's so true. I LOVED the life I lived in college. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But now that I am in a new phase of life, I have been able to experience so many experiences and people that I never was close to before, for one reason or another.
There are several examples I could give:
spending so much time at the Blue House and getting to know those amazing friends so much better...getting way closer to Aaron this year...being roommates with Megan and having her around as an amazing friend all of the time... getting super close to Tade and Ian and spending lots of time with them...talking to Juliana almost every day and being more a part of her life than ever before...so many positives.
Which is why I don't understand why things are worrying me so much. I mean, I do understand, kind of. While some things are changing for the positive, I feel like some things are not. Some friendships are growing, but I don't want other friendships to diminish, and I don't know what to do about it. I am just worrying a lot about things...and i miss my best friends who dont live in springfield...a lot...
But on a positive note, the weekend WAS alot of fun. CT and Jess came to town Friday night and me, Ian, Megan, and the two of them went to Marly's pub to see Micah's band play. They did an AMAZING job. Tade met up with us later in the evening with his two work friends, and a good time was had by all. After the bar closed, I went with Tade and his two friends to one their houses and we hung out until really late. Then I took Tade home and crashed there.
Saturday consisted of sleeping late and eating tasty breakfast with Tade, movie with the parents, a small small amount of productivity ;), and game night at Courtney and Jason's.
Sunday was church pretty much all morning and afternoon (where we had a really amazing and productive contemporary worship meeting), and then heading to Decatur with Ian and Tade to watch the superbowl with chris and jess.
so there was my weekend. nothing too exciting, but it was fun :)
anyway, i hope you are all having a wonderful day. i love you and miss you all tons!!!
Christie
It was a good weekend, although I left it feeling really unsettled for some reason. I have been going through an odd time emotionally the last couple of days. My bouts of insecurity have really flared up, and I think its partly because of all the changes that seem to be happening.
Some changes in my life have been really positive. Over the last six or seven months, I can feel how I have grown and changed. It's been gradual, but I can see how I've made huge strides in independence.
Obviously, physically, I've become independant from my family. I've moved out on my own, and proven to myself that I can take care of myself financially. But emotionally I've become much more independent. For a long time in my life, I think I secretly believed that I had to be a certain way. That I needed to have one certain person, usually a guy, to help me stand, to help me be strong....I've realized that this just isn't true. I AM strong, with or without having one person that I am with 24/7...I think I needed to prove that to myself in a big way.
Also, a comment that CT made to me the other night really hit me as true. Even though it was just a little comment, probably not meant to spur thought, it basically voiced a lot of what I had been thinking about...I was talking about all of the times I had been out recently, and he was like "It's good.
I think you've been living the life that you never lived in college." It's so true. I LOVED the life I lived in college. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But now that I am in a new phase of life, I have been able to experience so many experiences and people that I never was close to before, for one reason or another.
There are several examples I could give:
spending so much time at the Blue House and getting to know those amazing friends so much better...getting way closer to Aaron this year...being roommates with Megan and having her around as an amazing friend all of the time... getting super close to Tade and Ian and spending lots of time with them...talking to Juliana almost every day and being more a part of her life than ever before...so many positives.
Which is why I don't understand why things are worrying me so much. I mean, I do understand, kind of. While some things are changing for the positive, I feel like some things are not. Some friendships are growing, but I don't want other friendships to diminish, and I don't know what to do about it. I am just worrying a lot about things...and i miss my best friends who dont live in springfield...a lot...
But on a positive note, the weekend WAS alot of fun. CT and Jess came to town Friday night and me, Ian, Megan, and the two of them went to Marly's pub to see Micah's band play. They did an AMAZING job. Tade met up with us later in the evening with his two work friends, and a good time was had by all. After the bar closed, I went with Tade and his two friends to one their houses and we hung out until really late. Then I took Tade home and crashed there.
Saturday consisted of sleeping late and eating tasty breakfast with Tade, movie with the parents, a small small amount of productivity ;), and game night at Courtney and Jason's.
Sunday was church pretty much all morning and afternoon (where we had a really amazing and productive contemporary worship meeting), and then heading to Decatur with Ian and Tade to watch the superbowl with chris and jess.
so there was my weekend. nothing too exciting, but it was fun :)
anyway, i hope you are all having a wonderful day. i love you and miss you all tons!!!
Christie