Jesus Is My Guru

[zpotus]

There are certain moments/events in life we know are from God. Certain dreams, for example, that are so clear and so real that they leave no doubt as to their meaning, and we live them out and look back and think, "Wow." And for me, there are certain books (in an endless list of books I've read and books I'm reading) that I know for a fact have

Comments

[zcatcurious]

(This could so be overstepping the bounds, but I am going to say it anyway, because I would rather be wrong in the direction of being intrusively over-helpful than in the direction of being unintrusively under-helpful. If it is overstepping, feel free to tell me to get lost.)

it just hurts when my own husband says things like "you are different than you were..." in a concerned tone.

I understand and appreciate the value of sharing such things as this with others, but you also very definitely need to talk about this with (and not just 'to') your husband, as soon as possible and as well as possible.

Quite simply, your relationship with a person is contained within how you and that person relate to one another. The easiest way for a relationship to become strained is for the idea of the relationship in one person's head to drift far away from the idea of the relationship in the other's by a sheer lack of the transference of thoughts through the wonderful medium of speech, i.e. for the two people to stop actually relating.

Relating, of course, does not necessarily mean agreeing, but cross-cultural (including cross-religious) relationships work much better when the partners work to make sure that the other person does truly understand.

[chaeri]

*nod*

funny you should say that :) after i wrote that i realized how upset i was and that i really needed to talk with him. i told him how those words make me feel, and that i need to know that, no matter how much we disagree, he still loves me.

i apologized again for harsh words i've used in debates with him and said i'd try harder to understand his views. we talked about how our differences could make us grow apart if we fight each other all the time or grow closer if we learn from each other.

ultimately i would like him to accept my viewpoints as valid even if he doesn't agree and back me up in my right to express them. but, what i really need right now i just to know that he separates who i am from what i believe, and that my changing my beliefs on some things doesn't mean that i am a different person.

i also assured him that the two things i wouldn't change were my belief that i wanted to be with him and was willing to work at our marriage and, that i enjoy being with him and that i believe in the risen christ.

*sigh* i do wish it were enough that we both believe those things and everything else didn't matter but that is between husband and God.

[zcatcurious]

It sounds as though you two are doing all of the right things: talking, loving, being patient. I suspect that, if he loves you as much as it sounds like he does, he will eventually come to the situation in which he realises that that (loving you) is what matters, and that it does not necessarily entail agreeing with you upon everything.

My Beloved and I manage very well out of two phrases in particular: "Yes, dear, by which I mean, 'No, dear'", and "I love you anyway". Mind you, we also spend a lot of time laughing at each other and at ourselves, which probably helps....