Recent Ponderings (and Tormentings...?)
Isn't it odd how the thing that keeps you going is also the thing that weighs you down?
I live for piano. Seriously. I love it as much as you can love an inanimate (so people say) object. I really don't believe piano is all that inanimate. As Christopher Harding says, "Our music is as alive as the words we speak." Amen.
But at the same time, piano scares the crap out of me. Certain aspects of it. It torments me at night. One of my Chopin etudes kept me up all night Monday. That's just not right.
Oh, but I love it so!
What a paradox.
Why this?
I suppose I should be thankful. If everything about piano was easy, why would I still be playing? Yes, success is addictive, but it is useless unless you have worked to obtain it. Agree?
How can I be more nervous about accompanying a choir of Kindergartden-2nd Graders than playing with an orchestra? Explain this to me. I don't know. It seems that if I can't play it by memory, I can't play it. It's not like I can't read; obviously, I can. I hate to use my eyes as an excuse to cover up my bad reading skills... but I often wonder if sometimes there's something besides just my lack of sightreading skill.
This frightens me... isn't accompanying the most needed skill for a pianist? I believe that I'm a really good accompanist... but I'm not a good reader?
This makes no sense. I learned/memorized the entire Poulenc toccata in two weeks. "Learned" is a loosely used term in this case, but it's true.
Things are interesting.
I can play Rachmaninoff, but I can't play Happy Birthday?
I try so hard to get better, but is it really in vain? It feels like it is.
But I know better.
So I continue.
I live for piano. Seriously. I love it as much as you can love an inanimate (so people say) object. I really don't believe piano is all that inanimate. As Christopher Harding says, "Our music is as alive as the words we speak." Amen.
But at the same time, piano scares the crap out of me. Certain aspects of it. It torments me at night. One of my Chopin etudes kept me up all night Monday. That's just not right.
Oh, but I love it so!
What a paradox.
Why this?
I suppose I should be thankful. If everything about piano was easy, why would I still be playing? Yes, success is addictive, but it is useless unless you have worked to obtain it. Agree?
How can I be more nervous about accompanying a choir of Kindergartden-2nd Graders than playing with an orchestra? Explain this to me. I don't know. It seems that if I can't play it by memory, I can't play it. It's not like I can't read; obviously, I can. I hate to use my eyes as an excuse to cover up my bad reading skills... but I often wonder if sometimes there's something besides just my lack of sightreading skill.
This frightens me... isn't accompanying the most needed skill for a pianist? I believe that I'm a really good accompanist... but I'm not a good reader?
This makes no sense. I learned/memorized the entire Poulenc toccata in two weeks. "Learned" is a loosely used term in this case, but it's true.
Things are interesting.
I can play Rachmaninoff, but I can't play Happy Birthday?
I try so hard to get better, but is it really in vain? It feels like it is.
But I know better.
So I continue.