I need something.
Hello there...
I've not posted since before IU, but I think I need to start it up again just to clear my mind a little bit. I can't afford to have a mental breakdown in the next few weeks... that concerto's right around the corner...
Concerto? Yes. I've gotten myself into a concerto. I honestly didn't think I'd win the competition (I didn't last year...) but I guess Gurt saw something he liked. It could have been just about any of us who auditioned. I was pretty surprised it was me. It seems every time I have a performance/competition, I play well, but never as well as I have the ability to. My hands just get light or something... they're not really shaky anymore, I just can't seem to get the weight, or depth, that I need for the pieces. Sometimes, it's not even apparent to the listener (so far as I can tell), but it still bugs me.
So anyway. Concerto. I'm playing Mozart's 20th in d minor with the youth orchestra on Feb 8th. I'm SO ready for that to be here and done with. I'm not exactly dreading it... like I might have been in the past... but I'm just ready to move on, mostly. I've been practicing this piece since about July. I'm not one to hold onto pieces for a long time. Half a year is a long time. I've already learned and performed one set of music this year. I've started working on another, but I've had to hold onto the Mozart.
I find this quite funny: you know how publishers make these little books "My first Mozart" and such? Well, this concerto is pretty much my first Mozart. I think I may have played a Vienesse sonatina in junior high or something... but this is my first real Mozart work. I've never even played a sonata. I'll probably fix that soon, though. If Delony finds out... I'll be sure to fix that soon.
Another good thing about this concerto competition is that Gurt was judging it. He was kind of the "missing link" as far as the piano faculty goes. He's heard me before, but I didn't even place in that competition. This kind of reinstated my position as a successful pianist... I feel good about that.
I had my LSU audition a little over a week ago. It went extremely well. Once again, I had the "light hand" syndrome, but it didn't seem to really affect my playing. It was probably the most informal audition I've ever done - maybe with the exception of all-parish or something... Don't normal people dread college auditions? I was looking forward to it. Though, it probably has something to do with my teacher being one of the judges... Yes... that could be it. But there were others, too. A room full of professors, starting at me. But... I liked it.
I've officially been accepted (got my letter today) and will find out about scholarships in March, supposedly. I may be able to figure that out sooner... Delony's been dropping several nice hints... we shall see.
My lessons are going great. He's pushing me just as hard as normal, and I seem to be doing what he wants. I'm practicing a ridiculous amount... but I don't think it's a bad thing. Sometimes over-practicing can be dangerous... but I don't think I'm there yet. I'm learning music so quickly now... but only the things I DON'T have a deadline for. For example, I've learned and memorized half of my Brahms rhapsody in a week. That's no easy piece, especially compared to stuff I was playing a year and a half ago. But, there's also the other side of this. When I have choir accompaniments to learn, it seems to take so much longer, because I know I'm on a deadline. I don't like deadlines too much with that kind of music... solo music is different. Deadlines are good goals and challenges... but not when your job depends on it. I hope it never gets like that... or if it does, that I'm able to handle it well. One of my (many) goal this year is to make up for some of the time I lost when I "hated" piano. I'm trying to learn two years' worth of music this year. I've already learned a year's worth... now I've just got to finish it up. As a by product, I'm probably going to give two recitals. The first was December 20th. It went quite well. Not as good as my junior recital, but then again, the pieces were much more complex. The next recital will be in May or June. I might try to have it in our new sanctuary on the new piano... maybe...
I'm SO looking forward to the next several years. I can't wait to be in the music school... to be surrounded with "freaks" like me... to have people I can relate to. Most of all, I can't wait to finally meet some people my age who have the same interests as me. I've met some, but none are in Louisiana, unfortunately. Everyone else I can really relate to seems to be either related to me or years older than me.
I had something of an emotional breakdown several weeks ago. The trigger was a combination of several things... Several plans I had to meet with people fell through... several in a row. That's one thing that really bugs me - when people can't keep schedules. I guess it's an OCD thing. I'm not sure. It's really frightening and aggravating sometimes, though. I get really, really upset when plans change. I just can't seem to force myself to handle it. Even things that are seemingly unimportant. I guess I just get it in my head one way, and then when it changes, I have a hard time changing that in my head. I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy.
Anyway. Emotional breakdown. So that started it. Then I realized how often I was getting stood up. And it really bugged me. Everyone had places to go, people to hang out with, nothing to do with me. I'm too different... I practice hours a day, don't enjoy movies, hate TV, and actually do my homework. That's just plain weird. Then I realized how I don't really have any piano friends around here (with the exception of my younger cousin). No one to relate to, musically. At least no one who isn't 50 years old or over. And that's no good for emotional relationships. I got really upset that all of my potentially good musical friends were off in Indiana, Baltimore, or New Mexico. And it really hacked me off. I just broke down. I didn't know how to handle it. I'm not sure what got me out of the slum... but something eventually did.
For a while, at least.
I keep thinking of things I really want to write down when I'm away from the computer, but can never remember them when I get the chance... boo. Maybe I should start making notes? That's taking it overboard.
I had a genuine musical conversation with my vice principal the other day. It was amazing. The word cow was never mentioned. We talked about Olivier Messiaen and his use of Hindu rhythms in Canteyodjaya. We talked about performing. We talked about Bach and how deceptively difficult it is.
I love having a vice principal with two degrees in music... it does seem quite ominous that he's no longer in a music career now, though. I choose to ignore that.
I secretly want to go to University of Michigan. Delony and I made an agreement - I'll go to LSU for four years very, very cheap, then they're kicking me out and I have to go somewhere else and spend all of my parents' money. Sounds good with me. I'd like to see other parts of the world... very much so. So I secretly want to go to University of Michigan - Christopher Harding... Logan Skelton... yes, please. Or maybe I'll end up somewhere else? Peabody? IU? I don't know. Somewhere, though, hopefully.
I've got a lot of things to do. I was thinking that this weekend would be simple... but I've got an English test and essay to write (though not due until Wednesday). I need to figure out what the heck we did in Physics today... I've got to prepare for a lesson Monday. I'm playing organ for church Sunday. Hm.
Oh yeah, I got a promotion at the church. I'm now the keyboardist/pianist for the 10am service, and I'm playing for the choir with David. This starts after the concerto.
I'm also doing pretty well with Apprentice choir.
If nothing else, I'm getting really great experience that should help me out tons.
I need to sightread better. Hopefully, I'm about to fix that.
Okay, that's enough. Sorry if this post was a letdown... it certainly wasn't very philosophically enlightening or anything...
but my brain feels better now.
I've not posted since before IU, but I think I need to start it up again just to clear my mind a little bit. I can't afford to have a mental breakdown in the next few weeks... that concerto's right around the corner...
Concerto? Yes. I've gotten myself into a concerto. I honestly didn't think I'd win the competition (I didn't last year...) but I guess Gurt saw something he liked. It could have been just about any of us who auditioned. I was pretty surprised it was me. It seems every time I have a performance/competition, I play well, but never as well as I have the ability to. My hands just get light or something... they're not really shaky anymore, I just can't seem to get the weight, or depth, that I need for the pieces. Sometimes, it's not even apparent to the listener (so far as I can tell), but it still bugs me.
So anyway. Concerto. I'm playing Mozart's 20th in d minor with the youth orchestra on Feb 8th. I'm SO ready for that to be here and done with. I'm not exactly dreading it... like I might have been in the past... but I'm just ready to move on, mostly. I've been practicing this piece since about July. I'm not one to hold onto pieces for a long time. Half a year is a long time. I've already learned and performed one set of music this year. I've started working on another, but I've had to hold onto the Mozart.
I find this quite funny: you know how publishers make these little books "My first Mozart" and such? Well, this concerto is pretty much my first Mozart. I think I may have played a Vienesse sonatina in junior high or something... but this is my first real Mozart work. I've never even played a sonata. I'll probably fix that soon, though. If Delony finds out... I'll be sure to fix that soon.
Another good thing about this concerto competition is that Gurt was judging it. He was kind of the "missing link" as far as the piano faculty goes. He's heard me before, but I didn't even place in that competition. This kind of reinstated my position as a successful pianist... I feel good about that.
I had my LSU audition a little over a week ago. It went extremely well. Once again, I had the "light hand" syndrome, but it didn't seem to really affect my playing. It was probably the most informal audition I've ever done - maybe with the exception of all-parish or something... Don't normal people dread college auditions? I was looking forward to it. Though, it probably has something to do with my teacher being one of the judges... Yes... that could be it. But there were others, too. A room full of professors, starting at me. But... I liked it.
I've officially been accepted (got my letter today) and will find out about scholarships in March, supposedly. I may be able to figure that out sooner... Delony's been dropping several nice hints... we shall see.
My lessons are going great. He's pushing me just as hard as normal, and I seem to be doing what he wants. I'm practicing a ridiculous amount... but I don't think it's a bad thing. Sometimes over-practicing can be dangerous... but I don't think I'm there yet. I'm learning music so quickly now... but only the things I DON'T have a deadline for. For example, I've learned and memorized half of my Brahms rhapsody in a week. That's no easy piece, especially compared to stuff I was playing a year and a half ago. But, there's also the other side of this. When I have choir accompaniments to learn, it seems to take so much longer, because I know I'm on a deadline. I don't like deadlines too much with that kind of music... solo music is different. Deadlines are good goals and challenges... but not when your job depends on it. I hope it never gets like that... or if it does, that I'm able to handle it well. One of my (many) goal this year is to make up for some of the time I lost when I "hated" piano. I'm trying to learn two years' worth of music this year. I've already learned a year's worth... now I've just got to finish it up. As a by product, I'm probably going to give two recitals. The first was December 20th. It went quite well. Not as good as my junior recital, but then again, the pieces were much more complex. The next recital will be in May or June. I might try to have it in our new sanctuary on the new piano... maybe...
I'm SO looking forward to the next several years. I can't wait to be in the music school... to be surrounded with "freaks" like me... to have people I can relate to. Most of all, I can't wait to finally meet some people my age who have the same interests as me. I've met some, but none are in Louisiana, unfortunately. Everyone else I can really relate to seems to be either related to me or years older than me.
I had something of an emotional breakdown several weeks ago. The trigger was a combination of several things... Several plans I had to meet with people fell through... several in a row. That's one thing that really bugs me - when people can't keep schedules. I guess it's an OCD thing. I'm not sure. It's really frightening and aggravating sometimes, though. I get really, really upset when plans change. I just can't seem to force myself to handle it. Even things that are seemingly unimportant. I guess I just get it in my head one way, and then when it changes, I have a hard time changing that in my head. I don't know. Maybe I'm just crazy.
Anyway. Emotional breakdown. So that started it. Then I realized how often I was getting stood up. And it really bugged me. Everyone had places to go, people to hang out with, nothing to do with me. I'm too different... I practice hours a day, don't enjoy movies, hate TV, and actually do my homework. That's just plain weird. Then I realized how I don't really have any piano friends around here (with the exception of my younger cousin). No one to relate to, musically. At least no one who isn't 50 years old or over. And that's no good for emotional relationships. I got really upset that all of my potentially good musical friends were off in Indiana, Baltimore, or New Mexico. And it really hacked me off. I just broke down. I didn't know how to handle it. I'm not sure what got me out of the slum... but something eventually did.
For a while, at least.
I keep thinking of things I really want to write down when I'm away from the computer, but can never remember them when I get the chance... boo. Maybe I should start making notes? That's taking it overboard.
I had a genuine musical conversation with my vice principal the other day. It was amazing. The word cow was never mentioned. We talked about Olivier Messiaen and his use of Hindu rhythms in Canteyodjaya. We talked about performing. We talked about Bach and how deceptively difficult it is.
I love having a vice principal with two degrees in music... it does seem quite ominous that he's no longer in a music career now, though. I choose to ignore that.
I secretly want to go to University of Michigan. Delony and I made an agreement - I'll go to LSU for four years very, very cheap, then they're kicking me out and I have to go somewhere else and spend all of my parents' money. Sounds good with me. I'd like to see other parts of the world... very much so. So I secretly want to go to University of Michigan - Christopher Harding... Logan Skelton... yes, please. Or maybe I'll end up somewhere else? Peabody? IU? I don't know. Somewhere, though, hopefully.
I've got a lot of things to do. I was thinking that this weekend would be simple... but I've got an English test and essay to write (though not due until Wednesday). I need to figure out what the heck we did in Physics today... I've got to prepare for a lesson Monday. I'm playing organ for church Sunday. Hm.
Oh yeah, I got a promotion at the church. I'm now the keyboardist/pianist for the 10am service, and I'm playing for the choir with David. This starts after the concerto.
I'm also doing pretty well with Apprentice choir.
If nothing else, I'm getting really great experience that should help me out tons.
I need to sightread better. Hopefully, I'm about to fix that.
Okay, that's enough. Sorry if this post was a letdown... it certainly wasn't very philosophically enlightening or anything...
but my brain feels better now.