i dont feel like thinking of a creative title
well life has been just swell lately minus some shit here and there. like i am so stressed its nuts.... fyi for those who dont know i have 18 credits which equals to 5 regular classes and two voice. i also take part in MTC (musical theatre club) and an a capella group and have a job as a maid and soon with be "pledging" a service based non greek sorority group on campus. so i am effing busy as all hell. its nuts and i think i do crack but hey..cant waste a second of this life you know? I dont want to look back on life and regret things i never did or missed out on.
I am enjoying life and in return things are going well for me for the most part. I would say that the biggest problem for me is that for once in my life i want to be the most important person to someone...you know like a best friend or a meaningful bf. i am jsut tired of being the third wheel you know? i am always the friend of someone with a signifigant other....always. I just want for once to havea a good friend who doesnt have htier bf around all the time, that doenst skip out on things for them, that doesnt always have other plans. For once. i just have no where to go that is the sad part. i have no where to turn when this happens i just have to sit around and plug my ears and hope it ends soon. I need just one day...but at the same time i dont want it bc as soon as that happens i will only hurt worse when the next day when its back to normal. I spose its part of life and i should be over it by now considering its been like this for years now but hey thats not fair and totally implausible.
I spose maybe i also want someone of my own. I want someone one on the same level as me. there are guy(s) that i am interested in and yet ther is no damn hope. i mean how the hell am i supposed to compete with all the beautiful skinny white gurls around here. (i dont want pity i am just venting fyi) i am not special...im not the most talented by far, the prettiest and so on. like my whole life i have been and seem to always will be average. which in its self is not horrible but it gets really annoying...fast. I just want to be in love or have someone love me. thats all i want honestly. and selfish as it sounds i want them to only love me. i want just one person to be all about me like i am all about everyone in my life. I put everyone first taht i love and yet they are unable to do the same, not because they dont want to persay, but bc they cant.
i have wonderful friends. i do. they are truly wonderful and i would not make it through one day without them or the thought of them. i am not lacking in that area what so ever so dont take this as a plea of loss. but liek i mentioned before i just want one all about me for once.
I guess life is funny that way. It really likes to kick you when you are up. that saying is wrong. life likes kicking you when you are up more than down. i mean its more meaningful that way to you. Life was really good to me for the most part last year and then it proceeded to kick my ass. now its good but my butt still hurts...you konw? things are wonderful and yet there is that overarching feeling of sadness taht puts a damper on even the most exciting things. Like say going to a party to hang out with your best friends but then they have someone else to hang with and somewhat ditch you not becasue they hate you and stuff but bc they kinda have to. idk thats what life is for me now. a big ass puzzle that has pieces from other puzzles mixed in and i know that but still try to force it together.
my only question is where do i go from here....
I am enjoying life and in return things are going well for me for the most part. I would say that the biggest problem for me is that for once in my life i want to be the most important person to someone...you know like a best friend or a meaningful bf. i am jsut tired of being the third wheel you know? i am always the friend of someone with a signifigant other....always. I just want for once to havea a good friend who doesnt have htier bf around all the time, that doenst skip out on things for them, that doesnt always have other plans. For once. i just have no where to go that is the sad part. i have no where to turn when this happens i just have to sit around and plug my ears and hope it ends soon. I need just one day...but at the same time i dont want it bc as soon as that happens i will only hurt worse when the next day when its back to normal. I spose its part of life and i should be over it by now considering its been like this for years now but hey thats not fair and totally implausible.
I spose maybe i also want someone of my own. I want someone one on the same level as me. there are guy(s) that i am interested in and yet ther is no damn hope. i mean how the hell am i supposed to compete with all the beautiful skinny white gurls around here. (i dont want pity i am just venting fyi) i am not special...im not the most talented by far, the prettiest and so on. like my whole life i have been and seem to always will be average. which in its self is not horrible but it gets really annoying...fast. I just want to be in love or have someone love me. thats all i want honestly. and selfish as it sounds i want them to only love me. i want just one person to be all about me like i am all about everyone in my life. I put everyone first taht i love and yet they are unable to do the same, not because they dont want to persay, but bc they cant.
i have wonderful friends. i do. they are truly wonderful and i would not make it through one day without them or the thought of them. i am not lacking in that area what so ever so dont take this as a plea of loss. but liek i mentioned before i just want one all about me for once.
I guess life is funny that way. It really likes to kick you when you are up. that saying is wrong. life likes kicking you when you are up more than down. i mean its more meaningful that way to you. Life was really good to me for the most part last year and then it proceeded to kick my ass. now its good but my butt still hurts...you konw? things are wonderful and yet there is that overarching feeling of sadness taht puts a damper on even the most exciting things. Like say going to a party to hang out with your best friends but then they have someone else to hang with and somewhat ditch you not becasue they hate you and stuff but bc they kinda have to. idk thats what life is for me now. a big ass puzzle that has pieces from other puzzles mixed in and i know that but still try to force it together.
my only question is where do i go from here....