Hmmm
blew so I got back from New Jersey today. It was insane seeing Ali again. I cant believe my parents let me go vist a teenage girl whos mom works all day (parents divorced) by myself before ever meeting the parent or the kid... Very interesting. Anyway it was fun we were good kids. But im really here to just talk to myself.
wow. so a year ago about this time I was just quitting everquest. Seems like a lot longer. Last year. Annie and people in Arizona were more trustwourthy than anyone in Colorado. I still liked Sarah. Sarah still lived here. I think I trusted Annie more than anyone else. I cant understand how everything changed, but still feels normal. I cant understand anything anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
God I hate pain. God I dont know what I do like. Annie I miss talking to you online. I miss having someone smarter than me to talk to. I miss having your constantly good advice to aid me. I miss everything. I miss being a twin. Wow wasnt that 3 life times ago? I miss being close to you. I just miss being able to talk to you about lossing my innocence. Lets talk sometime. Please. Just talk. Without any strings attached.
Sarah. hmmmmm I miss being able to trust you. I miss liking you. I miss your drama. I miss the way you use to make me feel. I miss the way you could make me depressed for days. I miss doing stupid things to try to impress you hehe I was such a loser. :D I miss you so much!
Heather! Wow. Wtf happened. What. I cant even... I dont understand... Just... How could this happen. You were the first I think. Your the same.
Everything. When did I become self suffient. When did I stop NEEDING Annie to talk to. When did I stop feeling the NEED to make things better. Or when did I start lieing just to see what I can get away with. When did I learn how to regonize when Sarahs (no offense) is manipulating. When did I stop caring about competeing with Brian. Hell when did I stop trying to compete. when did I start having bursts of anger. When was the last time I did anything good for anybody. When did I stop feeling pain for people. Even now when I type this I can only pretend to really care. A few things make me feel horriable. A few things make me care. A few people can still touch me.
when did I stop trying to be like stone. When did I stop trying to be strong and cool. When did i stop acting like a little kid. when did annie start hating me. When did I start playing the piano. When did I sum my emotions up to that tiny instrument that barly gets loud enough to spring a trickle of emotion. When did I fall in love with it. When did I stop caring about the status quo or wether I met it or not. When did I stop trying to keep me and Annies relashionship alive. Why did I stop. Why am I writing this. When and why did I start pretending to care about people. When did I stop caring. Why do I try to find the most emotionaly disturbed person and try to break them. When did I become so sadistic when did I become so hateful and cruel. When did I become such a good liar that I could cover up anything. Shouldnt I feel guilty about this? How come. How come. How come whenever I think of anyone ive met only Ali and Heather can make me cry. How come the thought of Heather can make me depressed for weeks. How come even after I knew Ali was worse I kept looking I kept searching I kept digging and prodding why didnt I try to help. why am I so selfish. Why am I so hateful and disgusting. Why why why why why why why why. When did I stop smiling because I was happy and start smiling to make others happy. When. Why. Tell me. FUCKING TELL ME I WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOUT AND YELL AND TACKLE AND KILL. I WANT TO DO FUCKING INDESCRIABLE THINGS AND I WANT TO LAUGH AS I DO THEM. I WAS TO RAPE YOUR FIRST BORN DAUGHTER AND LAUGH. I WANT TO PUNCH YOUR DOG IN THE FACE AND GIGGLE. I WANT TO ELBOW YOU IN THE NOSE AND SMIRK! Why
wow. so a year ago about this time I was just quitting everquest. Seems like a lot longer. Last year. Annie and people in Arizona were more trustwourthy than anyone in Colorado. I still liked Sarah. Sarah still lived here. I think I trusted Annie more than anyone else. I cant understand how everything changed, but still feels normal. I cant understand anything anymore!!!!!!!!!!!
God I hate pain. God I dont know what I do like. Annie I miss talking to you online. I miss having someone smarter than me to talk to. I miss having your constantly good advice to aid me. I miss everything. I miss being a twin. Wow wasnt that 3 life times ago? I miss being close to you. I just miss being able to talk to you about lossing my innocence. Lets talk sometime. Please. Just talk. Without any strings attached.
Sarah. hmmmmm I miss being able to trust you. I miss liking you. I miss your drama. I miss the way you use to make me feel. I miss the way you could make me depressed for days. I miss doing stupid things to try to impress you hehe I was such a loser. :D I miss you so much!
Heather! Wow. Wtf happened. What. I cant even... I dont understand... Just... How could this happen. You were the first I think. Your the same.
Everything. When did I become self suffient. When did I stop NEEDING Annie to talk to. When did I stop feeling the NEED to make things better. Or when did I start lieing just to see what I can get away with. When did I learn how to regonize when Sarahs (no offense) is manipulating. When did I stop caring about competeing with Brian. Hell when did I stop trying to compete. when did I start having bursts of anger. When was the last time I did anything good for anybody. When did I stop feeling pain for people. Even now when I type this I can only pretend to really care. A few things make me feel horriable. A few things make me care. A few people can still touch me.
when did I stop trying to be like stone. When did I stop trying to be strong and cool. When did i stop acting like a little kid. when did annie start hating me. When did I start playing the piano. When did I sum my emotions up to that tiny instrument that barly gets loud enough to spring a trickle of emotion. When did I fall in love with it. When did I stop caring about the status quo or wether I met it or not. When did I stop trying to keep me and Annies relashionship alive. Why did I stop. Why am I writing this. When and why did I start pretending to care about people. When did I stop caring. Why do I try to find the most emotionaly disturbed person and try to break them. When did I become so sadistic when did I become so hateful and cruel. When did I become such a good liar that I could cover up anything. Shouldnt I feel guilty about this? How come. How come. How come whenever I think of anyone ive met only Ali and Heather can make me cry. How come the thought of Heather can make me depressed for weeks. How come even after I knew Ali was worse I kept looking I kept searching I kept digging and prodding why didnt I try to help. why am I so selfish. Why am I so hateful and disgusting. Why why why why why why why why. When did I stop smiling because I was happy and start smiling to make others happy. When. Why. Tell me. FUCKING TELL ME I WANT TO SCREAM AND SHOUT AND YELL AND TACKLE AND KILL. I WANT TO DO FUCKING INDESCRIABLE THINGS AND I WANT TO LAUGH AS I DO THEM. I WAS TO RAPE YOUR FIRST BORN DAUGHTER AND LAUGH. I WANT TO PUNCH YOUR DOG IN THE FACE AND GIGGLE. I WANT TO ELBOW YOU IN THE NOSE AND SMIRK! Why