I Think I'm Ready
Ok you guys i'm going to spill everything. I may Ramble on and in the end only maybe a sentence may be true but I am going to type and type and type i'm going to spill everything whether you want to hear it or not. I havn't writin in Nearly A month, but be warned if you dont read all then read none.
~Taylor
Lets start out with the end were I am as of now. Here is a letter I wrote to amanda(and read it her so blah) and I meant every single word.
Dear the coolest person on the face of the EARTH,
Amanda, you inspired me to write you a letter, so I just thought I would tell you what I have to really say about you. What I wrote in your notebook was pretty personal, but I didn’t want to say anything very deep because I still didn’t really think that anything would or could ever happen between us, and in a way it didn’t but in another way I met the woman of my dreams. Once you had left Sacermento I wish I had been able to hold you and tell you how much I’m going to miss being with the girl who made me feel like I really was one of the luckiest guys on Earth, and even though I made you talk to all my friends tonight, there wasn’t a second when I didn’t want to just grab the phone from Hunter, run away and talk to you by myself, but at least now you can’t say that I haven’t told my friends about you :), because I really do like you and I really do wish you could meet all of my friends, because I’m sure they would like you almost as much as you like them. I miss the girl with the beautiful Emo eyes, and I especially miss the faces you use to make (those made me laugh a lot). When I think that I might not see you till APRIL it worries me, because 9 months is an awful long time for something bad or unexpected to happen. It’s almost to much to handle when I think about how you live in NH and how much better my life would be if you lived anywhere in Colorado. I just wanted to let you know that if I had thought you had liked me before that day I would have dumped Rachele on the spot without a second look, no matter how mean that was at the time, and I did dump her last night and she did say she kinda saw it coming and wasn’t to sad about it and said, “As long as we can still be friends”. After meeting you I don’t think I can go back to ever going out with my friends just because they like me, because until I met you I didn’t thin there was anyone that could ever actually be for me, but then I met you and it was all I could do to just avoid you for a couple of days! It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I don’t know why I tried to avoid you at all. You were probably the happiest thing that has happened to me the entire year! Probably actually my whole life, but in all I just want you to know I’m going to miss seeing you everyday, I’m going to miss dunking you in the water then feeling guilty and pull you back up and have you make fun of me for it, but most of all I’m going to miss talking to you about anything even the little things, because you really are one of the best people to talk to, and I just want you to know I will always always always remember you. I hope you get what I’m saying because for this there really isn’t any words but...
I love you,
~Taylor
Now to the beginning. About 4-5 days before I left for sacermento for summer nationals I was DEPRESSED. I was sure that any girl I went out with wouldn't be right from. I hadn't even had any remote real feelings for a girl (like girlfriend not like little sister or anything) since fucking Kimberly. That was a fucking long time ago, and it ended me breaking up with her because I couldnt stand her anymore. I didn't think anyone cared. No thats not right. No one cared. Then I went to a camp for a day as a volunteer and I had probabl the most fun all year. But then I had to go home and they went back to there statesa and then all of a sudden I was left all alone agian with no one to talk to no one to feel with. so then i left for summer nationals on quite a sad note might I add.
summer nationals
I felt out of it. My ability to flirt with women was at an all time LOW. Plus I already had a girlfriend I hated Rachele. So I went there competed did alright like 40th I think. Then Zac came back with me to the hotel to go swimming...THUS IT STARTED I was getting my swim suit on well Zac was out at the pool and I came out and he was walking around so I figuered itd be cool and then 5 mins later I realized he was stalking 2 girls so I went up to them and talk to them (i'm no stalker) and at this time i'm kinda in a social mood because I was just at a tornament for 6 hours. Apparently the two girls names are Amanda and Holly. We go swimming with them and about an hour later Zac tells me he likes Amadna. by this time Stephen got home and decided to go swimming as well and he decided he liked Holly. Him and Holly were making out by the end of the day just as a side note for later. anyway the next day I dont fence and Zac does so I wake up slightly later and by the time I get there amadna goes up to me and goes, "Zac thinks were dating" by this time i'm terrified because I sorta did like Amanda but more than that Zac and dating basicly means when he trys to rape them he has an excuse that they were going out. So I told her basicly she had to break it off with him that second, and she said that they werent going out he just thought they were she never said yes or anything close to it. So for the next two days she decided to hang out with me a lot so Zac dosn't do anything. Sure enough on the second day Zac makes her go into an empty room and we (me and lawton) followed him. She started crying so I comfoted her well Lawton started yelling at Zac (Zac listens to Lawton more than anyone else we all do). So Zac didn't understand what he did wrong, After all they were going out wright ;). So Holly goes up to him the next morning and i'm sitting with amanda on a strip slightly out of few of Holly. And Zac comes up to Holly and goes, "Wheres Amanda" and Holly tells him bluntly, "Dude Zac you guys arent dating shes not into you, you tryed to force her into an empty room just go the fuck away" so i'm laugh (yes I know its mean shut up). So nothing really happened the next few days besides me and Amanda hung out a lot but it wasn't like girlfriend boyfriend or like you know what I mean. but looking back on it, it was sorta obvious she liked me I just didn't want to believe it. Anyway the second to last day i'm with her ALL day like at least 13 hours we go bowling everything (it was an off day for fencing) went to go see a movie went swimming checked out the team competition at fencing, played basketball. Then Zac starts to think that we're like together or something and I was like, "Its not like that blah blah blah" and anyway he pissed the fuck out of me and then the last day before she left (it was another off day but Holly fenced... and as a side not They're best friends amanda goes with Holly on the trips). So we're hanging out and finally Holly and me are talking (amandds not there yet cause I woke up at 5) and she goes, "Taylor I think you know this but Amanda likes you." So its like i'm saying "Well duh we hang out all the time we'll were here and talk about everything". You Know I figuered I knew what she meant but I was going out with Rachele no matter how much I hated it and I wasn't going to cheat on her unless Amanda or Holly directly told me that she liked me cause then i would feel bad for leaving them. So Holly goes, "No she was crying last night because she thinks you only like her as a friend". I mean I liked Amanda as way more than a friend but its like i'm not going to see her agian for 6 months whats the point. But then we hung out and I told her I liked her a lot and more than a friend ext ext and told her we couldn't kiss or anything though hugs at most. She was cool with that or so I thought. Anyway its the last night i'm going to see her and i'm almost in tears because this girl is just wow ill explain after the story and so we get back from the pool and she looks at me and starts crying and we both start crying and I kissed her right there and see kissed back and it was like the most memoriable kiss and probably the best kiss to. So we did that for a while and I stopped crying and pulled myself together (i'm still a guy after all even if i'm semi emo at that) and shes just sitting there crying and it made me want to idk fly away with her or go somewhere and it was so fursterating watching her leave. Just sitting there wave at her goodbye and it was hard its still hard. She just left. I have her AIM and we call eachother daily buts its the same. Not even close.
Believe or not thats the summed up version of the story. Many storys that are small I mean hour for hour I hung out with her easily 3 times as much as Rachele and I liked her easily 1000000 X more. And its sad.
So now i'm here. Yay still lonely but at least I know there is someone out there I know its possible I know i'll live.
~Taylor
~Taylor
Lets start out with the end were I am as of now. Here is a letter I wrote to amanda(and read it her so blah) and I meant every single word.
Dear the coolest person on the face of the EARTH,
Amanda, you inspired me to write you a letter, so I just thought I would tell you what I have to really say about you. What I wrote in your notebook was pretty personal, but I didn’t want to say anything very deep because I still didn’t really think that anything would or could ever happen between us, and in a way it didn’t but in another way I met the woman of my dreams. Once you had left Sacermento I wish I had been able to hold you and tell you how much I’m going to miss being with the girl who made me feel like I really was one of the luckiest guys on Earth, and even though I made you talk to all my friends tonight, there wasn’t a second when I didn’t want to just grab the phone from Hunter, run away and talk to you by myself, but at least now you can’t say that I haven’t told my friends about you :), because I really do like you and I really do wish you could meet all of my friends, because I’m sure they would like you almost as much as you like them. I miss the girl with the beautiful Emo eyes, and I especially miss the faces you use to make (those made me laugh a lot). When I think that I might not see you till APRIL it worries me, because 9 months is an awful long time for something bad or unexpected to happen. It’s almost to much to handle when I think about how you live in NH and how much better my life would be if you lived anywhere in Colorado. I just wanted to let you know that if I had thought you had liked me before that day I would have dumped Rachele on the spot without a second look, no matter how mean that was at the time, and I did dump her last night and she did say she kinda saw it coming and wasn’t to sad about it and said, “As long as we can still be friends”. After meeting you I don’t think I can go back to ever going out with my friends just because they like me, because until I met you I didn’t thin there was anyone that could ever actually be for me, but then I met you and it was all I could do to just avoid you for a couple of days! It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I don’t know why I tried to avoid you at all. You were probably the happiest thing that has happened to me the entire year! Probably actually my whole life, but in all I just want you to know I’m going to miss seeing you everyday, I’m going to miss dunking you in the water then feeling guilty and pull you back up and have you make fun of me for it, but most of all I’m going to miss talking to you about anything even the little things, because you really are one of the best people to talk to, and I just want you to know I will always always always remember you. I hope you get what I’m saying because for this there really isn’t any words but...
I love you,
~Taylor
Now to the beginning. About 4-5 days before I left for sacermento for summer nationals I was DEPRESSED. I was sure that any girl I went out with wouldn't be right from. I hadn't even had any remote real feelings for a girl (like girlfriend not like little sister or anything) since fucking Kimberly. That was a fucking long time ago, and it ended me breaking up with her because I couldnt stand her anymore. I didn't think anyone cared. No thats not right. No one cared. Then I went to a camp for a day as a volunteer and I had probabl the most fun all year. But then I had to go home and they went back to there statesa and then all of a sudden I was left all alone agian with no one to talk to no one to feel with. so then i left for summer nationals on quite a sad note might I add.
summer nationals
I felt out of it. My ability to flirt with women was at an all time LOW. Plus I already had a girlfriend I hated Rachele. So I went there competed did alright like 40th I think. Then Zac came back with me to the hotel to go swimming...THUS IT STARTED I was getting my swim suit on well Zac was out at the pool and I came out and he was walking around so I figuered itd be cool and then 5 mins later I realized he was stalking 2 girls so I went up to them and talk to them (i'm no stalker) and at this time i'm kinda in a social mood because I was just at a tornament for 6 hours. Apparently the two girls names are Amanda and Holly. We go swimming with them and about an hour later Zac tells me he likes Amadna. by this time Stephen got home and decided to go swimming as well and he decided he liked Holly. Him and Holly were making out by the end of the day just as a side note for later. anyway the next day I dont fence and Zac does so I wake up slightly later and by the time I get there amadna goes up to me and goes, "Zac thinks were dating" by this time i'm terrified because I sorta did like Amanda but more than that Zac and dating basicly means when he trys to rape them he has an excuse that they were going out. So I told her basicly she had to break it off with him that second, and she said that they werent going out he just thought they were she never said yes or anything close to it. So for the next two days she decided to hang out with me a lot so Zac dosn't do anything. Sure enough on the second day Zac makes her go into an empty room and we (me and lawton) followed him. She started crying so I comfoted her well Lawton started yelling at Zac (Zac listens to Lawton more than anyone else we all do). So Zac didn't understand what he did wrong, After all they were going out wright ;). So Holly goes up to him the next morning and i'm sitting with amanda on a strip slightly out of few of Holly. And Zac comes up to Holly and goes, "Wheres Amanda" and Holly tells him bluntly, "Dude Zac you guys arent dating shes not into you, you tryed to force her into an empty room just go the fuck away" so i'm laugh (yes I know its mean shut up). So nothing really happened the next few days besides me and Amanda hung out a lot but it wasn't like girlfriend boyfriend or like you know what I mean. but looking back on it, it was sorta obvious she liked me I just didn't want to believe it. Anyway the second to last day i'm with her ALL day like at least 13 hours we go bowling everything (it was an off day for fencing) went to go see a movie went swimming checked out the team competition at fencing, played basketball. Then Zac starts to think that we're like together or something and I was like, "Its not like that blah blah blah" and anyway he pissed the fuck out of me and then the last day before she left (it was another off day but Holly fenced... and as a side not They're best friends amanda goes with Holly on the trips). So we're hanging out and finally Holly and me are talking (amandds not there yet cause I woke up at 5) and she goes, "Taylor I think you know this but Amanda likes you." So its like i'm saying "Well duh we hang out all the time we'll were here and talk about everything". You Know I figuered I knew what she meant but I was going out with Rachele no matter how much I hated it and I wasn't going to cheat on her unless Amanda or Holly directly told me that she liked me cause then i would feel bad for leaving them. So Holly goes, "No she was crying last night because she thinks you only like her as a friend". I mean I liked Amanda as way more than a friend but its like i'm not going to see her agian for 6 months whats the point. But then we hung out and I told her I liked her a lot and more than a friend ext ext and told her we couldn't kiss or anything though hugs at most. She was cool with that or so I thought. Anyway its the last night i'm going to see her and i'm almost in tears because this girl is just wow ill explain after the story and so we get back from the pool and she looks at me and starts crying and we both start crying and I kissed her right there and see kissed back and it was like the most memoriable kiss and probably the best kiss to. So we did that for a while and I stopped crying and pulled myself together (i'm still a guy after all even if i'm semi emo at that) and shes just sitting there crying and it made me want to idk fly away with her or go somewhere and it was so fursterating watching her leave. Just sitting there wave at her goodbye and it was hard its still hard. She just left. I have her AIM and we call eachother daily buts its the same. Not even close.
Believe or not thats the summed up version of the story. Many storys that are small I mean hour for hour I hung out with her easily 3 times as much as Rachele and I liked her easily 1000000 X more. And its sad.
So now i'm here. Yay still lonely but at least I know there is someone out there I know its possible I know i'll live.
~Taylor