T'is the season to think of family.
nd, in my case, shudder and have a mild anxiety attack.
Yeah, I hate this time of year. I drift back to what mum did, just quite how violent it was, and how no-one would listen to me or help me until I made an abuse claim with SLaM.
All those Doctors had to do was listen to me and my legs would still be working. But they didn't, and the rest is histoire.
I think what got me the worst was how she forced me not to talk about my issues and tried to get me drinking instead. Whilst feeding me if I follow this 'silence' rule.
Obviously she'd lied to The Doctors about what had happened in Southampton too.
Serious stuff.
So no-one would listen to me or help me, I could not afford to feed myself, mum knew and played it to make me dependent on her generosity ( on condition ), and then tried to get me doing repair work for her if she gave me like 1 dinner ( thousands of pounds of work, and she'd give me a shepherds pie portion if I did it ).
She always insisted she was poor; even though she ran 2 cars ( one was a sports car obviously ) and was constantly flying off around the world ( if I house-sat whilst she was away I got to eat and spend time with my cat ).
She was clearly exploiting me in my injured state ( she forced me to give my cat to her to get food for it, rather than her giving me cat food, after all ). She deliberately rigged things so that no-one would listen to me, and that I would remain isolated and hungry. And then she took advantage as she lived it up; leaving me with scraps if I did stuff for her ( and hungry if I did not ).
What she did was depraved.
But then she made my sister homeless at 13 when she ( sis ) developed ADHD and burgled the neighbour ( a stupid thing sure, but hardly worthy of such a brutal punishment as to be in a hostel full of junkies at the age of just 13 ).
Mum's excuse with sis ( why she left sis homeless, rather than working with Social Services ) was that sis had 'embarrassed' her. So mum did something so cruel sis' future was destroyed. Being a junkie who didn't even finish school is hardly a decent career thang is it?
Because sis damaged mum's Public Image and Community Standing by embarrassing her.
With me I came home injured, and she then proceeded to lie to set me up to be exploited. With the services ignoring me, and the 'wage' so low, we're talking Modern Slavery. And mum attempted it on me by controlling my food supply ( to the point where things were so tight for me that my legs failed ). She wasn't poor, she was on the rob.
What kind of woman shifts from 'kind and caring' ( as I knew her in my youth ) to 'so angry and image obsessed she kicked in both her kids; and then attempted to 'enslave' one of them ( crippling him in the process ); whilst leaving the other a lying & cruel junkie due to huge amounts of familial neglect'?
What on earth happened to mum to take her off the rails in such a cruel and depraved way? She used to drink a lot. Was it Cocaine in the late 80's? Or was it the stress of being a single mum under Thatcher?
Will I ever know the truth?
Probably not.
Christmas eh? It all bubbles to the surface. Every damn time.
In public? I have no choice. She has lied to so many people my only option now is to say this in Public to counter the gossip-mill she has lied into. They're too dumb to get it, and would have kept gas-bagging for years, so I have to put up Public Denials.
Yes, another public denial. Hours of fun eh? But then with no justice system in The UK what other choice do I get?
What? The local Police accused me of lying when those Landlords tortured me without even talking to me. Sounds like a lack of justice system to me if I can't get that disgusting decision overturned by anyone ( the IPCC rolled with the lie after all ).
Not to be recommended.
Hopefully that'll be it for this subject for the Xmas period now. It does get easier to remember with every 'look back', and that is obviously part of the healing process. Fingers crossed I've had me moan for this year and can get back to feeling festive; but, being honest, I have never known a Service outside of SLaM and Croydon Charitable Partners give a Schizophrenic a fair break; and with SLaM I had to make an abuse claim to get them to let me out of the vice they'd shoved me in ( due to mum's lies ).
I'm not even delusional ( never have been ), but people just won't stop making crap up and withholding my legal rights.
I don't envy Tony et al. This town is a shit-heap; and the clean-up is huge.
o/~ ... ding dong merrily on high ... o/~
Hurr hurr, you said 'dong'...
Yeah, I'm working on getting my Xmas Cheer on. Give me a bit.