spilling my guts to hair slung in your face
Sick and slow and booze is only a small part of it. There is actual sick mixed in here, and just plain exhaustion, and the way it just drains and drains you when things don't feel quite right. Things don't feel quite right.
I won't bore you with the details. Commercial real estate and that sort of thing is at the center, but also so much worry in other places. Always with the worry, this guy.
But who wants to hear about worry? This is the internet! There are all kinds of things to not worry about! Like...uh...hang on.
Stupid cat.
Do you know what I caught my stupid cat doing the other day? My fat little kitty? I made porkchops the other day, and I caught her licking the skillet. NOT THE PORKCHOP ITSELF, which was sitting right next to the skillet. No no, that's too fancy for my little Princess. "I'll just be licking the fat off the skillet, thank you."
And the worst is just the look on her little cat face. And I know that you shouldn't anthropomorphize your pets, because then you're really asking for it, but I'm dead certain my cat is capable of feeling shame. "I can't help it. It's who I am. I hate myself." (lick lick lick)
See, wasn't that nice? A story about a cat. Now all of my problems OH NO THE PHONE IS RINGING SHOOT IT SHOOT IT SHOOOOOOT ITTTTTTT.
*****
I will be working at Pfizer again, it seems. They offered me a job and I accepted and they want to test my pee for drugas and I don't eat any drugas so I should be fine. Don't know when I start, a few weeks, but they're offering me more money than I used to make. So that's nice. Also, my baby won't starve in a snow drift. That is nice as well.
Still, I'm sad about not being at the theater all day anymore. I've loved it here, even when (like right now) I hate it here because the difficulty of this job is crushing my bones. But, still, art! Wahoo! When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to do for a living and I told them I wanted to run my own company in my own space and do my own shows that I write and direct. And I'm doing it, in New York City. It's an incredible feeling, even if it's short-lived. And I still get to do it, but only kinda, since I'm doing it for free in my spare time. Still.
As I write this the director for the daytime cast of my show is giving notes. They are trying to figure out the best way to perform a show that I've written. We take for granted what a truly remarkable thing that is. I sat in a room and wrote this thing with my brainz, and then I gave it to other people, and they're going to learn all of the words and say them in front of a paying audience. It's kind of a miracle that this sort of thing happens all the time. I think it's cooler than Fonzie.
*****
But like I said, no starving baby in a snow drift! And I miss my baby, even though my baby is not fully cooked yet. I like sitting on the couch with my hand on Spring's belly, even when there is no kicking. I like seeking little Gonzo's energy somewhere in there. And I miss the warm little smile on Spring's face, the little sparkle in her eyes when I'm doing that. The two of them are in Alabama, and they're coming home soon, and it will be Very Good.
*****
My head is achey and jeez don't get me started on my heart, and I keep smoothing this stupid beard which I've grown to like and not just because you like it, but you liking it really is a pretty significant factor. Maybe I'll shave it, maybe I won't. I don't want to make this a symbol, I don't want to make this a thing. What was I saying before? "This is not a thing. This is an anti-thing." I've spent a lifetime engaging significance, finding it under every stone, collecting, holding close, replaying moments and gasps for air again and again in my head. I will be on Hoarders years from now.
*****
That look in your eye when the spark gets lit.
*****
I wanted to write about whether or not racist Halloween costumes are racist, but I think I've already showed my hand on that one. So, whatever. I will clean the theater, because we're hosting a Halloween party tonight for local businesses, and I will provide the costumes from our costume storage. If anyone shows up in a sombrero I will kick them in the knee, ra ra ree, because it is my house and my rules and if your only idea for Halloween is "I'm gonna dress up like a Chinese" you need to think harder about everything ever always.
I won't bore you with the details. Commercial real estate and that sort of thing is at the center, but also so much worry in other places. Always with the worry, this guy.
But who wants to hear about worry? This is the internet! There are all kinds of things to not worry about! Like...uh...hang on.
Click to viewStupid cat.
Do you know what I caught my stupid cat doing the other day? My fat little kitty? I made porkchops the other day, and I caught her licking the skillet. NOT THE PORKCHOP ITSELF, which was sitting right next to the skillet. No no, that's too fancy for my little Princess. "I'll just be licking the fat off the skillet, thank you."
And the worst is just the look on her little cat face. And I know that you shouldn't anthropomorphize your pets, because then you're really asking for it, but I'm dead certain my cat is capable of feeling shame. "I can't help it. It's who I am. I hate myself." (lick lick lick)
See, wasn't that nice? A story about a cat. Now all of my problems OH NO THE PHONE IS RINGING SHOOT IT SHOOT IT SHOOOOOOT ITTTTTTT.
*****
I will be working at Pfizer again, it seems. They offered me a job and I accepted and they want to test my pee for drugas and I don't eat any drugas so I should be fine. Don't know when I start, a few weeks, but they're offering me more money than I used to make. So that's nice. Also, my baby won't starve in a snow drift. That is nice as well.
Still, I'm sad about not being at the theater all day anymore. I've loved it here, even when (like right now) I hate it here because the difficulty of this job is crushing my bones. But, still, art! Wahoo! When I went to school they asked me what I wanted to do for a living and I told them I wanted to run my own company in my own space and do my own shows that I write and direct. And I'm doing it, in New York City. It's an incredible feeling, even if it's short-lived. And I still get to do it, but only kinda, since I'm doing it for free in my spare time. Still.
As I write this the director for the daytime cast of my show is giving notes. They are trying to figure out the best way to perform a show that I've written. We take for granted what a truly remarkable thing that is. I sat in a room and wrote this thing with my brainz, and then I gave it to other people, and they're going to learn all of the words and say them in front of a paying audience. It's kind of a miracle that this sort of thing happens all the time. I think it's cooler than Fonzie.
*****
But like I said, no starving baby in a snow drift! And I miss my baby, even though my baby is not fully cooked yet. I like sitting on the couch with my hand on Spring's belly, even when there is no kicking. I like seeking little Gonzo's energy somewhere in there. And I miss the warm little smile on Spring's face, the little sparkle in her eyes when I'm doing that. The two of them are in Alabama, and they're coming home soon, and it will be Very Good.
*****
My head is achey and jeez don't get me started on my heart, and I keep smoothing this stupid beard which I've grown to like and not just because you like it, but you liking it really is a pretty significant factor. Maybe I'll shave it, maybe I won't. I don't want to make this a symbol, I don't want to make this a thing. What was I saying before? "This is not a thing. This is an anti-thing." I've spent a lifetime engaging significance, finding it under every stone, collecting, holding close, replaying moments and gasps for air again and again in my head. I will be on Hoarders years from now.
*****
That look in your eye when the spark gets lit.
*****
I wanted to write about whether or not racist Halloween costumes are racist, but I think I've already showed my hand on that one. So, whatever. I will clean the theater, because we're hosting a Halloween party tonight for local businesses, and I will provide the costumes from our costume storage. If anyone shows up in a sombrero I will kick them in the knee, ra ra ree, because it is my house and my rules and if your only idea for Halloween is "I'm gonna dress up like a Chinese" you need to think harder about everything ever always.