spaaaaaaaaaam.

[christ_onabike]

[Paddy decided he couldn't let his thoughts mull around in his head any longer, and so marched down to Uhura's room, hammering on her door. This wasn't letting her win. This was taking things back into his own hands. He thought, at least.] Uhura, you better fucking be in.

Comments

[lt_n_uhura]

[Uhura was, in fact, in. She walked to the door, frowning a bit as she wasn't expecting visitors. Pushing a button on the side of her door, it opened and she stared at her inmate in slight shock.]

Paddy, can I help you? [She stepped back to allow him in, but she instantly glanced to her closet, where her weapon was placed.]

[christ_onabike]

I'm starting to think you fucking can't. [He took a step inside, intending pushing right past her if she didn't let him in, but lo and behold, she did.] I ought to fucking kill you for what you did. That was so fucking stupid and reckless. And when I'm fucking telling you that, you really ought to fucking realise how dumb it was.

[lt_n_uhura]

[Uhura actually rolled her eyes at him.] You told me that a few days ago, Paddy. I still think what I did was exactly what you needed, as I have told McCoy...after you decided that he needed to try and play the part of my father.

[She shut the door and turned around to face him again.]

[christ_onabike]

[Paddy held back the urge to hit her, because that wasn't why he was here.] You think that's what I fucking needed? For you to play with my addiction, to throw it back in my face and... for fuck's sake, Uhura, I didn't know what I would have done. I bluffed you, sure as fuck, but there was really part of me who would have fucking done it.

Maybe next fucking time, that part of me'll win and you don't fucking want to know what'll happen then.

[lt_n_uhura]

Language, please. [She shook her head.] No, Paddy. that part of you won't win because you won't let it. It didn't win on the island, did it? [The officer sat down in her chair.]

And yes, you bluffed me, but I would have gone through with it. I would have done it. [She tried to grab the bag in a stealthy manner and hide it away. She had not been able to dispose of the contents inside just yet.]

[christ_onabike]

You got fucking lucky twice, Uhura, you didn't... I didn't... don't you understand how out of control I feel? [That hadn't been what he'd really meant to say at all, and he stared up at the ceiling a moment, not actually noticing the bag, and getting his anger back after a brief moment of focus.]

You can't fuck with someone like that. That was pretty much emotional blackmail, you bitch.

[lt_n_uhura]

[She hated that word. Her eyes narrowed a bit as she walked to her closet and shoved the bag inside of it. She would have to deal with it later. Once she dealt with her inmate, of course.]

It was not. It was making you see that you cannot continue to do what you are doing.

[christ_onabike]

[He watched her, curious to what she was doing, but not quite putting the two pieces together,] By what? Making me fucking hate you? Pushing me to the edge of my fucking mind? How was that supposed to show me anything apart from the fact you fucking ought to burn in Hell?

[There's a long pause, and he calms down a little, maybe verging on desperate,] I was fucking selling cigarettes and alcohol. How does that end up with you threatening to fuck yourself up with heroin and make it all my fucking fault?

[lt_n_uhura]

That is what you do not understand. What you refuse to get. It was not about me. It was about everyone else, about the lives of people you helped ruin. And don't pretend to think that this was just about the cigarettes and alcohol. If you had access to it, you would sell the harder stuff, Paddy. You know that you would.

[She finally did get angry at him and reached into the bag again, pulling out the box and dumping the contents on her floor.]

[christ_onabike]

[Paddy was about to answer her angrily, about to say something, but then there were drugs dumped on the floor and there was a pause, but he couldn't resist long and went to take it, full well knowing she'd stop him, but there was no way he could do anything else.] You're just.... stop fucking with me. Don't you see you're fucking with me and that's not fucking on. [He sounds, now, a little more desperate than anything. Not even that angry anymore.] Please. Stop fucking with me.

[lt_n_uhura]

[She hated thinking of it in these terms, but something needed to break. Something needed to give. They could not continue going on in the way that they were. Neither one of them would get anywhere. They would just continue to snipe at each other, making no progress.]

No.

[She dropped to the ground with him, moving her hand to scatter the powder out. It would be hell to clean, but she had to make sure he couldn't get any of it. Once she did that, she reached forward to put her hands on his shoulders.]

No. You stop. You stop doing this to yourself. To other people.

[christ_onabike]

[He glared over at her, and tried to shrug her hands off his shoulder so he could at least get some of the drugs,] This isn't going to work. You're just going to push me and push me and make me feel weaker and weaker and I'm just going to fucking kill you one of these days, I really fucking am. [He wasn't even forcing the anger any more, he was mostly just desperate and demoralised.]

You're not fucking like other people. You're not like the fucking junkies, it's not the same. It's not the fucking same.

[lt_n_uhura]

[She continued to try and push him away from the drugs on the floor. She was not strong at all, but she was determined. If that even counted for anything...]

I don't want you to feel weaker, Paddy. If you can get past this...if you can give up your addiction in order to keep me safe, then there is still something inside of you.

No, it's not the same. I know that. But, again I ask...why is my life more important than someone who is a junkie? Why am I so special?

[christ_onabike]

[Paddy, in the end, realised he was going to have to hit her or move back. He couldn't stand the shame any longer, and, in the end, he sat back against the wall, and buried his head firmly in his hands for a good few minutes. He had an answer to her question, but couldn't face giving it her yet. There was still that burning, burning shame that he'd just tried to fight her over scraps of a drug which he hated being addicted to.']

[lt_n_uhura]

[When he broke away from her, she sat back, relieved that she would not have to fight him for it and just took a few moments to calm herself. When she finally did regain enough composure to realize what was going on, she crawled over to him and just sat back on her knees in front of him.]

Paddy, I do not want to do this to you. You must know that this...this isn't ideal. I hate that it has to be this way, but...well...[She hesitated.] Is there a difference between myself...and what you just were?

[christ_onabike]

[He didn't look up in response, just rubbed his hands on the back of his head in frustration and looked at the floor between his legs, still not sure where to even go with this.]

Yes. And no. We're... both different to other people. It's not... neverfuckingmind.