80. an open letter.
Dear Feckless Youth of the Barge,
I am writing to enquire why there have been no obscene snow sculptures built on deck as yet, and how long, exactly, it will take for one to appear out of thin air.
I am merely writing to ask as my boys would have had an anatomically correct snowman/woman smoking a joint and cradling an empty bottle of whiskey built within five minutes of it snowing, and when my boys are showing you up, that's a surefire sign you need to step your game up.
Your prompt and efficient response is anticipated.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Patrick Donal Maguire.
p.s. I do not want to have to do this myself. I'm far too old and dignified for that.
p.p.s. don't mention my age, and 'dignified' is open to interpretation.
[Private to Billy]
Hey, we need to have a serious chat. As soon as possible.
[Private to Laura]
You, me, dinner. You choose the day, but this week.
[Private to Parker]
Sorry if I've been... off this week. I could do with a break or sommat.
Oh, and I don't think I ever said sorry for dashing out on you that night, and then dragging you into helping me out so soon after.
I am writing to enquire why there have been no obscene snow sculptures built on deck as yet, and how long, exactly, it will take for one to appear out of thin air.
I am merely writing to ask as my boys would have had an anatomically correct snowman/woman smoking a joint and cradling an empty bottle of whiskey built within five minutes of it snowing, and when my boys are showing you up, that's a surefire sign you need to step your game up.
Your prompt and efficient response is anticipated.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Patrick Donal Maguire.
p.s. I do not want to have to do this myself. I'm far too old and dignified for that.
p.p.s. don't mention my age, and 'dignified' is open to interpretation.
[Private to Billy]
Hey, we need to have a serious chat. As soon as possible.
[Private to Laura]
You, me, dinner. You choose the day, but this week.
[Private to Parker]
Sorry if I've been... off this week. I could do with a break or sommat.
Oh, and I don't think I ever said sorry for dashing out on you that night, and then dragging you into helping me out so soon after.