I guess the May flowers are procrastinating.
I was wondering the other day which would be the most painful:
to have someone who once cared about you
-see you, give an awkward wave, motion as though to ask how you are, but then walk away,
-look at you but not see you,
-see you, look down as if disgusted,
-or just not bother to look for you anymore.
Today I feel like I experienced all of these situations, and none of them are the most painful.
They all suck.
When I got home, I thought about making a vow to be more like Isaac, who says hello to anyone he knows every chance he gets.
But I'm too stuck in my head.
I probably don't see people who expect hello's everday.
And I feel awful for it.
I've also come to the concrete conclusion that things will never go back to the way they were.
Things will get better, though, eventually, right?
But now that I don't have that slice of hope that my previous life will just fall back into place,
I really have no idea how to get happy again.
I'm sorry I'm so emo.
I've been writing like a fiend.
In notebooks, on math homework.
Letters to people who don't know me anymore, poems that aren't mine, and lyrics galore.
It just helps a little.