Fic: Not Equal, Yet, Together As One Chapter 5
Not Equal, Yet, Together As One
By Chrissy6299
Chapter Five
They got settled in the back of the car, the driver got them on their way, and after a few long, uncomfortable minutes of silence, Jared felt it was best to speak up.
“I’m sorry.”
His apology made Jensen face him for the first time since they left the house, “Are you?”
“I… I didn’t mean to make you angry.” Jared settled for, because he wasn’t sorry for actually refusing the blowjob, and he was pretty sure lying wasn’t a good idea.
Jensen gave him a small smile, but as he reached out to brush away a lock of Jared’s hair that was once again stubbornly hanging in front of his eye, Jared flinched when he saw the hand coming his way.
Jensen pulled his hand away quickly, “Shit, Jared,” he said frustrated, “I never raised a hand to you, I never hurt you and I can’t imagine I ever will. What did I do to deserve you being so scared of me?”
“I’m sorry,” Jared repeated, now looking down at his hands, not knowing what else to say.
“Sorry doesn’t help here, Jared. Just… talk to me, please. What did I do wrong? Why do you expect me to hit you? And why did you say no to me this morning?”
Jared stayed silent, making Jensen try a different tactic.
“Okay, I’ll start. I childishly accused you and Chris back at the house for conspiring, which was very wrong of me to do, I just want you to talk to me, so I was jealous of Chris that you chose to talk to him. I’m not angry that you called Chris, I meant what I said; you are free to talk to him about anything. And I’m not angry that you refused me this morning, I just want to know what’s going on with you, Jared.”
Jared had looked up in the mean time and was looking somewhat hopeful at Jensen. “You’re not mad?”
Jensen slowly moved his hand once again toward Jared, this time to take hold of his hand. He didn’t like the space between them, not the physical nor the emotional space. “No, I’m not mad.”
Jared nodded, and took a minute to put his thoughts into words. “‘Disobey and you will be punished.’ the holy book says. ‘When your mate chooses to hurt you, it is his right, and you will accept it,’ Father Joseph constantly told us. ‘When,’ he always said, never ‘if’.”
“Damn,” Jensen mumbled. He moved to sit in the corner of the backseat, and gently pulled on Jared’s arm, silently asking him to come and sit with him. Jared moved over, leaning his back against Jensen’s chest and placing his long legs on the rest of the backseat.
Jensen wound his arms around Jared to hold him close, and kissed his temple. “I don’t agree with the book and with Father Joseph on this, Jared. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. And I may get angry sometimes, we probably both will, but I will not hit you or hurt you in any other way, not even when you disobey me.”
He took a minute before continuing, enjoying having Jared in his arms.
“I know that you didn’t choose this, I know that you probably want nothing more than to be back home with your family and friends. But, I want you to be happy with me, Jared, I want us to be happy, and I realize that will take some time on your part, but you’re already making me happy. I like you a lot, Jared.”
Jensen stopped talking, giving Jared some time.
After a few minutes, Jared had found enough courage to speak up. “I don’t like giving blowjobs.” he admitted quietly. “When I swallow the come, it makes me nauseous, even more so when I do it on an empty stomach, like you asked me to do this morning.”
Jensen was surprised, of all the reasons that he had considered for Jared’s actions, he hadn’t thought of that one. “Oh, I… I wish you had told me that sooner, I don’t want to make you sick, Jared.”
“But you like it when I go down on you.”
“I do, but not at the cost of your health. I thought we talked about that when we first wanted to go to Chris and Steve’s. If you don’t feel well, tell me. And if you know the reason for it, definitely tell me that too.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right, just, please talk to me about these things. You can talk to me about anything, always.”
Jared nodded, knowing that Jensen would feel it.
“Good, now let’s try to solve this problem. How about a compromise? You still give me blowjobs, but just before I come, you move away and finish me off with your hand. How is that? I’ll still get the blowjobs I enjoy, but you don’t have to swallow any come, so you won’t get sick.”
Jared sat up a bit, and turned around to look at Jensen. His agreement to the compromise was his huge smile. He was stunned and delighted at Jensen’s suggestion; he would never have guessed that any Princip would ever take his feelings into consideration.
He leaned in and captured Jensen’s mouth in a kiss, and they spent the rest of the drive in each other’s arms.
*****
At the first apartment complex they met with their realtor. Jensen had called the realtor agency two days before, scheduled an appointment with a realtor named Mrs. Greadson, and had informed her that he was looking for a two bedroom apartment with a large living area and an up to date kitchen.
The first apartment that Jensen and Jared walked into was indeed spacious and had an open floor plan, so the minute they walked in, Mrs. Greadson, a short woman with curly blonde hair, came up to them and introduced herself to Jensen. Jensen politely shook her hand and introduced Jared.
Mrs. Greadson spared a quick glance in Jared’s direction. “Right,” she said, and she turned back to Jensen and gave him a patently fake smile. “Come on in, I’ll give you the grand tour. I’ve got a couple other places in mind, but this apartment is a real gem.”
As she led Jensen around the apartment talking about the texture of the ceiling and the view of the balcony, Jared silently followed him, looking around him while staying out of their way. The apartment was pretty nice and big, but it was nothing special; the rooms had no character.
Jensen apparently felt the same way, because after Mrs. Greadson finished her well-rehearsed sales pitch, he asked her to please show them the next apartment.
The second apartment was a few blocks north, and while this apartment looked better, Jensen didn’t seem to like it.
As Mrs. Greadson was talking about who knows what, Jensen made eye contact with Jared and raised his eyebrow, which Jared could only interpret as ‘what do you think?’
Jared shrugged in response, not knowing what to answer.
“Mrs. Greadson” Jensen interrupted the woman.
“Yes sir?”
“It seems that this isn’t really what we’re looking for after all, do you have anything… different?”
“Well…” the realtor said after thinking for a minute. “I do have a lovely townhouse nearby, it has a wonderful living space with an open kitchen downstairs, and two bedrooms on the second floor, plus it has a nice sized yard out back. Would you like to see that one?”
Jensen agreed, and ten minutes later they stood in front of a white painted brick building that was split up into four townhouses. There was only one for sale, and the others all seemed to be comfortably lived in; flowering pots were standing next to the entry way of the house farthest to the left and colorful children’s curtains where hanging in front of the windows in the house on the right. The other side of the street looked much the same.
The inside of the house was perfect; large bedrooms, plenty of light inside, great kitchen, and then of course there was the yard. Jensen had noticed how Jared’s eyes lit up as they walked through the yard, which was landscaped plainly yet colorfully with a bright green lawn in the middle, surrounded by flowering plants and small trees.
At the end of the tour, back inside the living room, Jensen spoke up. “What do you think?”
“I think it’s,” Mrs. Greadson started.
“I wasn’t talking to you, ma’am, I was asking Jared.”
Mrs. Greadson looked at Jensen oddly, after looking at Jared for only the second time that morning. “Of course.”
Jensen bit his tongue to keep from confronting her about her sarcastic tone, and politely dismissed her. “Could you leave us for a minute to talk?”
After she left, mumbling to herself about making a phone call, Jensen turned to Jared, “Well?”
Jared looked at Jensen curiously, “You want to know what I think of this house?”
“Yes, of course I do.” Jensen said resolutely. “You have to live here too.”
Jared smiled. “I love it. It looks good, it, I don’t know, feels good, feels right.”
“I know what you mean.” Jensen agreed. “I think we’ll be able to call this home. Let’s get Mrs. ‘I don’t speak or look at my customer’s mate’ back in here so that I can sign the paper work, and then we’ll go to Chris and Steve’s to celebrate. I don’t know about you, but after a few hours with Mrs. Greadson, I’m seriously in the need of spending time with people who actually treat you as a human being.”
Jared nodded happily, moved into Jensen’s personal pace, wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned in for a kiss. Today had turned into a great day after all.
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Move in day was only two days later, and with the help of their friends, everything was in its place by the end of the evening. While it had been a long day filled with carrying heavy boxes and lifting furniture, furniture that Jared and Jensen picked out together at an online store, Jared was happy and content at the end of the day when they were cuddling on the very comfortable couch that evening after their friends had left.
Now that they were living on their own, Jared had a lot more to do, which was good because he really didn’t know what to do with himself during the time that Jensen was working. Now he had a whole house to keep clean, laundry to do, a garden to take care of, and meals to prepare. For the last one Steve had come to the rescue; Jared had never cooked before in his life, and neither had Jensen. Luckily for them, Steve was not only a very talented musician, but also a great cook and an awesome friend. Those first few weeks he had frequently came by to teach Jared how to make Jensen’s favorite meals, and a few new ones to surprise Jensen with after a long day.
Life was good; Jared felt at home unexpectedly fast, no longer feeling like he was a guest, like he did in Mr. Ackles’ home. He loved being outside taking care of the plants in their garden, he loved the furniture that he had helped pick out, he loved that Jensen let him rearrange the china, utensils, and pots and pans in the kitchen to fit his own way of working, and he found himself even starting to really enjoy spending time with Jensen, who would come home after work always happy to see him, treating him like he was the most important thing in the world.
Usually when Jensen would come home on a workday, Jared would have dinner ready so they could eat while talking about everything and nothing. Afterwards they would either play computer games or watch a movie. And yes, when they went to bed, more often than not, they had sex. But Jared found that he was enjoying it more and more and that it started to feel less and less like a chore.
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While shopping for clothes and some other things Jensen needed, two weeks after they moved into their townhouse, Jared’s attention was drawn like a magnet to the pet store they passed, or more precisely, to the puppies that could be viewed in the store’s window. Jensen followed him, and enjoyed a very different view for a couple minutes, a view of an adorable Jared ‘coo-ing’ and ‘aw-ing’ at the puppies.
“They are adorable, Jensen. Look at that one, the one with a black spot on his head, and, aww, look at his cute little tail! We’ve got to buy one!”
At Jensen’s lack of response, Jared turned his head to look at Jensen. His smile slowly disappeared as he saw Jensen’s grave facial expression. After rewinding his own dialog in his head, his eyes widened at the realization that he just ‘ordered’ Jensen to buy something.
Jared took a step forward, reaching out to touch Jensen’s hand. “I’m sorry.”
But Jensen took a step back, out of his reach, and turned around, walking to their original destination, the bookstore, without a word, look, or any other type of acknowledgment in Jared’s direction.
Cursing his own stupidity, Jared rushed to catch up with Jensen, walking two feet behind Jensen, as a ‘proper’ Plebeian should.
The bookstore was fortunately their last stop before returning home. In the car Jared once more tried to apologize, but Jensen didn’t respond to him in anyway.
******
However, Jensen didn’t ignore Jared to be mean, he was angry and didn’t want to take it out on Jared, not that he would ever physically hurt him, but he didn’t want to yell at him either. He was thinking, trying to work out some stuff in his head. Jensen was confused and conflicted, he loved Jared and he loved it when Jared was expressive, but the second he heard Jared’s order, no matter that it was an innocent request expressed by accident as an order, it felt wrong inside. His teachings screamed at him ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’, and, to Jensen’s horror, he even felt the need to punish Jared for his misbehavior.
******
By the time they came home, Jared was slowly freaking out. He couldn’t deal with the silent treatment, and Jensen seemed so angry.
After they took off their coats and shoes, Jensen grabbed Jared none to gently by the arm, and led him into the living room, making him sit on the couch, before sitting next to him, though not as close as they usually sat.
Jensen sighed and looked at Jared for a moment before speaking.
Jared in turn was looking back at him, not daring to look away.
“You can ask me anything, you can express your thoughts and your feelings to me, hell, I want you to. But you can’t tell me what to do, Jared; you can’t, especially not in public.”
“I know, I’m sorry, I forgot.”
Jensen tried to ignore the hurt puppy look that Jared gave him, though it was damn hard. He brought his hand up to rub his eyes, blocking Jared from his sight. “The church warns us about this, they say ‘don’t treat Plebeians too leniently, for they will forget their place.’ Now I don’t agree with the Church’s and State’s idea of what your place is, you know that by now, and I don’t want to treat you the way they suggest I should treat you, but Jared, I’ve got to draw the line somewhere. You can’t give me orders in public; you’ve got to realize this. An ‘oops, I forgot my place,’ isn’t acceptable. If you can’t remember that, things will have to change around here.” Jensen’s tone was harsher than he intended, but besides being conflicted, he was also scared; while it was rare, occasionally a mate was taken from a Princip because the court had ruled that the Princip had not taken proper care of his mate, resulting in the forgetting of his place in society, which was seen as a disservice to the Plebeian.
When he finally looked up to look at Jared again, Jared was crying, confused and hurt, not knowing what to do when an apology wasn’t good enough.
At the sight of tears, Jensen’s heart broke. “Shhh, it will be okay.” He sat closer, pulling Jared into his arms, brushing away his tears and kissing his forehead. “I love you, and I don’t want to change things between us, I’m happy with the way things are. I just don’t want to lose you Jared; the court can take you away if they rule that I don’t treat you strict enough.”
Jared, shocked at Jensen’s words, pulled back, trying to turn to face him; he didn’t want to be taken away. At that moment he realized that it was true, he like the way things were and he didn’t want to leave Jensen. “I don’t want to leave,” he voiced out loud as he shook his head, eyes wide in fear of the thought.
Jensen pulled him back into his arms, “It’s okay; you’re not going anywhere. But do you understand now why I got angry at you, why we can’t have a repeat performance of this afternoon?”
“Yes, I’m so sorry, I’ll never forget again, I swear. Please forgive me.”
“Of course, Jared, of course I forgive you.” Jensen held him tighter, not letting go until it was far past dinnertime.
*******
Since it was too late to bother to cook, Jensen ordered pizza for them. By the time they had put away their purchases of the day, the doorbell rang, indicating that the pizza was there.
Not bothering with plates they both grabbed a slice of meat lover’s pizza before even sitting down on the sofa.
“So,” Jensen started as he took a second slice, “a dog?”
The look on Jared’s face was comical; he looked shocked, apprehensive yet hopeful at the mention of the ‘dog’ subject.
Jensen forced himself not to laugh though, and continued talking as it was obvious that Jared didn’t know what to say.
“A dog isn’t something you just buy in the spur of the moment; it’s something that we have to really think about.”
“I know, we used to have a dog, his name was Harley; he was a Rhodesian Ridgeback and a great friend! Unfortunately he was old, and died about a year ago.”
“Okay… so when you say you want a dog, you really want a dog.”
Jared nodded happily, while at the same time trying to take a bite of his pizza.
“I’ve never had a dog,” Jensen disclosed, “or really any type of pet, but I’ll think about it.”
And the fact that Jensen would consider getting a dog, made Jared almost forget their horrible afternoon.
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Chapter Six