Does the Cold Dead Seed of Spuffy or Spangel make the world go round?

[chrissie_linnit]

You must, MUST, MUST go over to st-salieri's journal and from there to stoney321's journal, via http://st-salieri.livejournal.com/ and read their theories on why it is Spangel, or Spuffy's, Cold Dead Seed that makes the world go round.

Both theories are scientifically supported by questionable, very funny, arguments.

I havent laughed so much in forever. Thank you Salieri and Stoney!

On a totally other subject altogether, Ive decided I must stop reading any NC17 fanfics that have hot, graphic sex scenes.

Why?

It's making me feel inadequate and depraved deprived.

I'm deprived because I don't have a man who:

• can keep pounding/gyrating/writing/grinding away in/on/at me for five 'blissful' hours and remember to give me several dozen multiple orgasms before he seeks his own release
  
• shoots several litres of cum halfway across the room, as he finds his ultimate release, taking minutes to do so
  
• can keep up any sort of coherent litany based on my sexual magnetism or wonderful *insert any/every body part imaginable here* without losing his hard-on because "talking while shagging is a distraction"
  
• compares the taste of me to "honey, nectar, peaches, paradise..." (you get the idea)
  
• can shag me senseless up against the wall in a nightclub/alley etc without getting a knee trembler and collapsing on the floor in a qualing puddle as he comes (such a passion killer, that one)

I'm also deprived because I:

• never get my knickers drenched with my juices of lust - I can manage damp. Does that count? *pouts hopefully*
  
• I know I would flatten, and possibly kill, any nekkid man that I jumped up on and wrapped my legs around his waist as I attempted to gracefully slide down on to his rampant 10", purple (purple, huh?!?), throbbing manhood - in or out of the usually obligatory shower - in fact if it was in my small shower cubicle, I'd probably get crushed in the attempt too! *crosses eyes and shudders and curses petite women the world over*
  
• I wouldn't be able to help but punch the hell out of any man that gave my 'nubbin' *honestly, the new vocabulary I've learned since I started reading fanfic pron* "a sharp tweak and flick" to "bring me to orgasm"
  
• I've never passed out from the ecstacy of orgasm
  
• when I have swallowed, it tasted foul, like tepid wallpaper paste *not that I've ever actually tasted tepid wallpaper paste, you realise* and never like the creamy, sometimes slightly salty goodness those bitches in fanfic seem to swallow gallons of!
  
• don't seem to be able to "thrum, quiver and throb with lust" ... I'm more of a 'if it's on offer, I'd better grab it before he changes his mind/falls asleep' kind of desperate gal.

I'm depraved, because I wouldn't really mind, if any man is willing/could be captured and tied down long enough, to try all of the above...