Fanfic - Oneshot - KameNo
Title: For How Long?
Author: ChrisRenHeb
Pairing: KameNo
Rating: PG
Genre: Romance/ small angst
A/N: Written over many days on 15 minute breaks and 30 minute lunches. Hopefully it’s not too choppy.
A/n: sorry lj is being mean and won't let me do a cut correctly and is rearranging my post on me.
It better be right this time. Aaaahhhhh!!!!
For how long have I cared for him? In my mind it seems that there has never been a time when he has not been in my heart or mind. When he is not present I search for him and when he is near I long for his attention. I look to him but he has never seen me. I see him look to others and is rarely beside me. How much can a heart hurt? I ask that of myself everyday and yet I am still torturing myself with this impossible yearning. I have made a decision today, I am locking my heart away. None have ever seen my pain, so I have no doubt they won’t see a difference in me at all. Until I no longer care for him this lock will be secure. All I hope for is the strength to go through with this.
~*~
Walking into his groups dressing room Kamenashi Kazuya aka Kame was greeted with a chorus of Hey’s and Good Morning’s. Sighing he dropped himself onto the couch and laid his head back. He was feeling out of sorts today just as he had for the past week. The feeling of something being off kilter would not leave him. As if his emotional stability had been taken away.
Why do I feel this way? What is different?
Taking in everything in front of him he took stock of his surroundings……….to his left he spies Maru studying intensely at the dressing table while Koki seems to be fixing some sort of costume while listening to his mp3 player a couple of chairs down from him. Jin in another chair was on his cell and from his soft chuckling it must be YamaPi that his is texting. Ueda is lightly strumming his guitar to Kame’s right, at the other end of the couch. And finally his eyes rests on Junno, Kame’s expression softened and his eyes lightened as he noticed him sitting down against the wall playing his DS, surprisingly enough, quietly. Nothing seemed like it could be the cause of Kame’s restlessness.
Putting his feelings to the back of his mind he went about his day as normal as any other workday. And yet his gaze kept straying to Junno. Every time he looked up Junno would be in his line of sight and yet Junno never looked back. Sighing to himself Kame walked up to their former leader.
“Tat-chan is something wrong with Junno?” he whispered.
“Not that I know of, why do you ask?”
“It’s just a feeling I have, I can’t explain it.”
“Kame is this related to your feelings for him? If you are so concerned maybe you should ask him yourself if he is alright?”
“I..I..I’m not sure what you mean about my feelings…um…for him.”
“Kame, I’ve known about your feelings for him for quite awhile now. I never wanted to force you to come to me and talk about it. So I never said anything.”
“I..I don’t really know what to say.”
“Why did you never say anything to Junno about your feelings for him?”
“I thought he would hate me or even worse not take me seriously because I am the youngest of the group. I didn’t want it to turned into a joke with the rest of the band.”
“I suggest you talk to him. No, not confess just converse.”
“Maybe, maybe. I will try Tat-chan.”
Unnoticed by either of them, someone was watching with sad, yearning eyes.
~*~
I told myself I would stop but yet here I am watching him with another again. I am so pathetic, I can’t wait for this day to end so I can get out of here.
~*~
At the end of the day when everyone had gone, Kame walked up to the only other bandmate left in the room, Junno.
“Um…ah, Junno?”
“Yes Kame?” Junno replies with only a quick glance at Kame.
“I was , uhm… just wondering…are you alright?”
“Of course, why do you ask?”
“To be honest this will sound odd but I just feel as if something is different. Like maybe something is troubling you.”
“How did…hmm, no of course not. Nothing is different or troubling me. I’m sorry Kame, but I need to leave now. I’ll see you in a couple of days. Have a good weekend.”
Kame watched in sadness and confusion as Junno practically ran out of the room.
What is he hiding from me? Maybe he knows how I feel about him? Or maybe he doesn’t trust me. Could I have upset him somehow? Kame, calm yourself. Just have to wait and see.
~*~
Junno panicking, ran to his car and drove off. Driving on autopilot he went over what happened in his head and ended up mumbling to himself.
“I almost screwed up there. I have to be more careful, I can’t let him know how I feel.”
~*~
After thinking about the situation all weekend Kame decided he would keep a watch over Junno, making sure he was alright and that it was not Kame himself that was bothering his group mate.
I won’t burden him with my unwanted emotions so I will just look out for him.
Approaching the dressing room Kame heard yelling. Hurriedly he entered the room as Koki was freaking out at Junno for a harmless joke gone wrong. Kame quickly jumped in between them.
“Back off Koki, leave him alone. Go get some air, calm down then come back.”
As Koki stormed off, Kame turned to Junno.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, I fine. Although that was unnecessary, thank you. I’ll go take a moment to clear my head then apologize to Koki.”
Looking around Kame spied Tat-chan sitting calmly across the room.
“Why didn’t you stop the fight?”
“I didn’t see the need as of yet. It wasn’t physical and Junno needs to be more careful with his jokes.”
“But Tat-chan…..”
“No buts Kame. I know you want to protect him but don’t fight his battles for him. Especially if you don’t want him to figure out your feelings for him.”
Kame looks away and sighs.
~*~
Why? Why would he jump in between me and Koki? Why would he take my side over Koki, one of his best friends? I just don’t understand what he is thinking. So confusing.
~*~
Most of Kame’s day had been taken up with voice training, meetings with managers and now a script reading. By the time he finally got away everyone had already left. Discouragingly Kame slowly walked out of the building. Looking up at the sky, he sighed longingly.
I wonder how Junno is after what happened with Koki.
~*~
Exceptionally tired from his sleepless night Junno was resting on the sofa of the dressing room when Jin came in.
“Junno, move! I’m tired, I want the sofa.” Jin snapped crankily.
“Sure Jin.”
Junno made the move to get up as Kame walked in. Having heard what had just transpired Kame held Junno off.
“Jin can’t you tell Junno is also tired, he doesn’t have to move for you. Go sit in one of the chairs.”
“Junno, how lame are you to have someone else defend you. And Kame, don’t tell me what to do. It’s none of your business.”
“Jin shutup! Kame remember what I told you yesterday. And Junno, they are calling you, it’s your turn for the interview.” Ueda said with the air of a leader, even after stepping down from the role, as he walked calmly into the room.
“Sorry, guys. Junno, I didn’t mean it.” Jin said abashed by his own attitude.
“It’s alright, Jin. I understand.” Junno smiled softly now that there was peace and slipped out the door.
Jin then turned to Kame.
“Don’t you think you should tell him how you feel? It’s been kind of obvious to everyone but him lately.”
Kame turned to Jin looking sad and sighed.
“I really don’t have the courage to do that. I know he cares about me as a bandmate but I have no hopes that it could be more.”
“Kame just think about it ok?”
“Alright, alright. I’ll think about it.”
~*~
Junno headed back to the dressing room after his interview. Walking through the doorway he noticed that no one else was present. He went further into the room to where he left his bag.
What the hell?
Looking down he spied a rather heavy looking box resting on a corner of his bag. In a panic he rushed over and shoved the box off of his bag. Opening it he checked for anything broken and in despair he found his precious DS cracked. Clicking it on, he realized it would never work again.
As the rest of the group returned they noticed Junno’s watery eyes looking up at them.
“Junno, what happened?” Koki looked at him in shock and worry.
Junno held up his demolished DS.
“How the hell did that happen?”
“I came in and that heavy box was on my bag. When I checked everything in my bag I found it like this. It won’t even start up now.”
“Uhm, Junno…I am so sorry. I put that box there not seeing your bag lying there. I just didn’t realize. I’ll get you a replacement.”
“No, it’s alright. This just hasn’t been my week. Guys, I’m just going to go home now.” Junno muttered as he quietly walked out the door.
“I feel just horrible. But I don’t have time to go get him a new one today. I have taping to do.”
“Don’t worry Maru, I can go for you.” Kame replied with a secret smile.
“Thanks Kame, I’ll leave to you. I better go.”
~*~
As Kame walked through the store to the electronics department, his mind was off in different directions.
I’ll help Maru out but maybe I can get something for Junno myself. Then I might have the courage to tell him how I feel.
Finding the DS’s, he decided Junno needed a color other than black.
That blue one looks nice, I’ll get it.Before calling the employee over, Kame saw what he was going to get Junno. A PSP system with several games. Knowing that a new system and games he had not already beat would make Junno incredibly happy. Calling Maru, Kame let him know he got the new DS and he was heading to Junno’s.
“Thanks so much Kame. I’ll pay you back tomorrow and apologize again to Junno. Bye.”
~*~
Kame knocked on Junno’s door and waited nervously for him to open the door.
“Coming….Kame?!”
“Uhm…hi, Junno.”
“Kame, why are you here? Did you need something?”
“Actually I came for 2 reasons. First here is the replacement DS from Maru. I picked out a new color. I hope you like it.”
“Wow, thanks. I really like this one, again thanks. But what is the second reason?”
“Ok, um…the second reason has 2 parts. First part, I personally wanted to get you something that is just from me. I hope you like it as much as the DS.”
He handed the package to Junno so he could open it. Confused yet excited Junno opened the box.
“Kame! What, how, why….?”
“You forgot where and who in that series of questions.” Kame said as he smiled at him in reply.
“Kame, really why?”
“Before that do you like your present?”
“Of course, I love it. The only person that would love it more than me would be Ninomiya-senpai.”
“That’s a relief. Ok, so…(sigh)…ok, so the second part of this is……JunnoIreallylikeyou.IhaveforareallylongtimebutIwastooscaredtotellyou.AndIwillunderstandifyoudon’tfeelthesamebutIhopeyoudo.” Kame burst out ina rush of breath.
Junno looked stunned at Kame’s slightly garbled confession.
“Ah, Kame…”
Looking embarrassed, Kame backed up and turned facing the door intending to leave.
“I’m sorry Junno. I had a guess that didn’t feel the same. Please just forget I said anything.” Kame walked to the door with his head down. As he was about to turn the knob a hand grabbed his and turned him back around.
“Kame, stop please.”
Looking into his eyes, Junno concluded that they were so alike in some respects. The love that they had been hiding from each other. Holding Kame’s hand, he let himself see that the other had been looking at HIM, seeing HIM this whole time. It amazed and humbled him.
Now it is my time to be brave.
Kame, you’ve got it wrong. I am not rejecting you. I was just stunned that after I vowed to forget about my feelings for you, YOU confessed to ME. For the longest time I have been and am in love with you but felt that you would never turn my way. Please say it again.”
Never wanting to let go of the hand holding his, Kame looked into Junno’s eyes and was awed by all of the emotions shining at him.
“Junno, I love you.”
Leaning in Junno slowly, delicately kissed HIS Kame.
~*~
As they walked into the dressing room, smiling at each other in happiness, the rest of A-TUN looked on. In their minds were 2 phrases.
It’s about time!
They are so cute!
END