HOLY CHANGES BATMAN
Wow LJ, you've changed.
Hilariously i've had a lot to tell you. But the change is so jarring I'm not sure I know who you are any more...but frell, do you know who I am any more? I've changed a lot too. Let's get to know each other.
Hi I'm Chris. I am: Weird. Confident. Insecure. Creative. Busy. Divorced. Emotional. Dating a 24 year old. Turning 30 this year. Not happy in my career. Not unhappy either. A designer. A Christian. A Vlogger. A mediocre ui designer. A video editor. A gamer. Trying to capitalize on my web presence. Black. Awkwardly athletic. Trying to save money. Debating giving up drinking.
That last one is interesting. I've never been a big drinker until the year of my separation and maybe the year leading up to it. I was never a drunk but I was bored and wanted more excitement and felt left out by all my city dwelling friends and started going out more. This had nothing to do with my marriage ending. It ended in part because i wasn't willing to fight for something I wasn't sure was right in the first place. But it certainly did not help.
My mom is an alcoholic so I need to be careful anyway. I just know that I go out and drink too much way more than I'd like to. In part because it's literally what everyone does in their freaking late 20's. I personally want more but I cave to social pressures. I think it ruins my productivity and would likely be further along in my career if I hadn't chosen to focus on dating and going out. It was cute when I was single and in my late 20's but if I'm still doing this by and over 30's, I'm going to feel pathetic. Thats not to say that if YOU do this you are pathetic but just for me.
I've got a pretty good girlfriend who has some things she needs to figure out, just like I do. I honestly can see us being happily married one day but I'd like to get my crap together and be where I saw myself at 30 and not here in this limbo place. Comparative to most if my friends I'm doing great. Amazing really. But comparative to where I wanted to be I'm a failure. Or just inching along. I really think I should probably be a teacher or go into sales. Or draw comic strips. Or run a website. Or write a children's book. Or draw that children's book. Yeah I should draw. I'm not really a writer. I have great concepts but that's it. I think that girlfriend i mentioned might have her things together by the time I do. She's not a mess or anything. She just got burned by a guy emotionally 2 years ago and it made her not want a relationship. That along with living the single selfish life in college made her into this person that has a hard time putting another person over herself. I remember single life, I love it. But I know i'm a person built for monogamy. I think thats why I dated so much following the divorce. I'd feel like a bigger loser if I woke up 30 and alone. I didn't date my girlfriend for this reason.
I actually spent a lot of last year meeting GREAT women who would take care of me, support me, love me and be everything people want. I also like weird girls. Weird in a quirky sense though. And big butts. Some of the women I met had those features, some didn't. The thing ALL of them lacked was a spark. I met my girlfriend and over the course of a week, we had that spark. I require chemistry above most things. So while my girlfriend may never be the super comforting type, as say this I'm noting I'm telling a lie. She's actually been great about being there for me but I don't think it's a thing you think of immediately when you define her at glance. She does have a great butt. She just needs time to grow out of the level of selfishness she's been accustomed to and at 24, going on 25... loving her previous lifestyle for the last 2 years and having a roommate that actually hates relationships and has been on similar journey, that is no easy feat. She's told me though that she doesn't like relationships because of her past but she loves me and wants to be in one with me. I remember one time she almost got mad at me when she saw MY earring on my dresser. Her last boyfriend cheated a lot. She didn't actually get mad but told me the thought crossed her mind until she realized that I'm not a cheater and that I have my own earring. That made me laugh.
Last year also was a strange time because i did my first dance with casual sex. My story goes like this. Chris has sex at 18. 1 time, with his girlfriend. It's just ok. Next Chris has sex again with the same girlfriend for like 2 minutes, then his mom came home and he had to stop. It was still just ok and then we broke up. 4 YEARS later Chris has still only had sex with one person once and a half. Chris dates during all of college. College ends and Chris gets a new girlfriend with the same first name as the girl who took his virginity under false pretenses. Chris sleeps with and marries this girl. The sex is awesome. Chris has now only slept with 2 people. Chris dates this 2nd sexual partner and wife for 6 years. After the marriage ends Chris takes the year to become an unpaid jiggalo and his number jumps for 2 to 15. The 5th being his current girlfriend who shares the same first name with his previous girlfriend that took his virginity under false pretenses and his now ex wife. Do I have a type or what?
It has been 7 months since Chris' last casual encounter. To be fair though, I did date like a few of those girls but a lot of them were one night stands.... Something I never thought I'd do, but it is very hard to go from married sex almost everyday, even during bloody seasons to no sex at all. Sometimes i feel bad. Most of the time I don't. Now I'm at work writing this on my lunch break and thinking about my next youTube vlog which will either be a top 10 list on pokemon, a guide to making me angry or a discussion dragon ball being better than DBZ.