feeling like death again this time more emotionaly

[chrismokelky]

i honestly dont feel like living, and if i do i wanna be all fucked up on drugs, i dont trust anyone anymore, mom cheated on dad and had sex with the guy multiple times were trying to get things back together again, the healing is slow and painful, were trying to do things as a family as in workin together around the house takin care of my responsibilities, stay on top of homework and all the things i need to do and im doing my job, but im always excluded from activities such as when they go to movies, tonight my little sister, dad, and mom went out to look at a car for her today and i was realy happy and excited and i wanted to take time off my buisy schedule to spend time and be there for my family but when it comes to doing that im pushed aside! im doing everything they want me to do but i dont feel like a family, there just letting me suffer this on my own, and i cant tell anyone about this the citty i live in is much to small. i dont have anyone, not even god is answering my helpless cries.

to make it all worse im always worrying about my girlfriend that lives in washington state. she isnt showing up for school and now the police want to put her  in jail which in my mind is a stupid reason to throw someone in jail for, but thats not the point, the point is she isnt going and this could happen she has a court date, she says the judge is a nice guy and usualy cuts breaks especialy it being her first time in trouble with the law, i hope she is right.

i just wanna not feel anything, not care for anything, or do anything i just wanna crawl up in a ball untill i die of starvation and thirst.

fuck me,
why do you people make me live like this
time to smoke!