(no subject)
yesterday was not a good day.
i spent all day trying to analyze myself and my situation and figure out what the hell is wrong with me and why this hurts so much.
first off, i had drank much too little alcohol, leaving my real emotions room to seep through and i actually felt what was going on in my life.
second off, i figured out that horrible tragedies in my life are always followed by great things.
not to say that this is a horrible tragedy, although i certainly have experienced those too. but as i looked back, i saw bad things that had happened to me and i realized two things:
one...the world doesn't stop for my pain. when i was 16 my friend died. i vividly remember sitting in my car at a stoplight, and looking around myself, amazed. i was absolutely amazed that the world wasn't stopping for my hurt. i was simply amazed that the world didn't stop and recognize that my friend had left us all. i guess that was the first time that i realized that life goes on, regardless. nobody really cares what you think, and nobody is going to hold your hand through it, and people will carry on with their lives, with or without you.
two...good things happen to me shortly after each bad experience in my life. by my count now, i've had three major bad things happen to me in my life thus far. in each of those, within 3-8 months of each, i've had life chaning GOOD things happen to me. so i expect this time to be no different. this gives me hope, if only a little.
and that's all you need to keep hanging on.
i spent all day trying to analyze myself and my situation and figure out what the hell is wrong with me and why this hurts so much.
first off, i had drank much too little alcohol, leaving my real emotions room to seep through and i actually felt what was going on in my life.
second off, i figured out that horrible tragedies in my life are always followed by great things.
not to say that this is a horrible tragedy, although i certainly have experienced those too. but as i looked back, i saw bad things that had happened to me and i realized two things:
one...the world doesn't stop for my pain. when i was 16 my friend died. i vividly remember sitting in my car at a stoplight, and looking around myself, amazed. i was absolutely amazed that the world wasn't stopping for my hurt. i was simply amazed that the world didn't stop and recognize that my friend had left us all. i guess that was the first time that i realized that life goes on, regardless. nobody really cares what you think, and nobody is going to hold your hand through it, and people will carry on with their lives, with or without you.
two...good things happen to me shortly after each bad experience in my life. by my count now, i've had three major bad things happen to me in my life thus far. in each of those, within 3-8 months of each, i've had life chaning GOOD things happen to me. so i expect this time to be no different. this gives me hope, if only a little.
and that's all you need to keep hanging on.