The Past
My attention has been brought to the fact that almost everyone I know is graduating this year. For some odd reason this makes me sad. I don't know why it is. I think it's because It feels like everyone in my past is moving forward, and I am stuck in one place. I'm at a stand still. There was a song I heard last night. It had the lyrics " I take 5 steps forward and 10 steps back". When am I going to start take 10 steps forward and no steps back? I might be dwelling to much on the past I don't know. Maybe if looked into my future I would get the motivation to start taking those steps. I know I have achieved so much considering my circumstances. I have my own apartment, my own car, pay all of my own bills. I really don't have much to show for this. I still feel alone and unproductive. I don't know if I have a purpose in this life. I used to believe everyone had a purpose in this life. I am no longer believing this. I don't know what obstacles were place in my way. I don't know why they were placed there. Why is it so hard for me to get into school? It's so easy for some people to go through life. For others it's very difficult. I'm in the select group that it's difficult. I suppose it makes someone stronger to have to deal with all these obstacles. Why can't it just be a bit easier though? I'm moving out at the end of this month. I'm going to try to save up some money, and start doing this truck driving thing. I don't really want to make this a career. Right now it seems like a good way to save up some money. At least until the fafsa changes that part that say were you born before Jan 1 1985. Then I'm good then I will be able to get into school own. The reason why I can't get into school right now is because of parents info. The part that asks about your parents financial info I can not give. Because I don't speak with my parent. I haven't spoken with my parent in a very long time. I have tried the dependency override. You have to have so much information. I have gotten all of this info. Every time I get all this info ready it's always messed up. I don't know what to do besides this. I play the waiting game now I suppose. It's only a year. Doesn't seem like the older you get the faster time just speeds up on you? My Bday is like the 18th. It doesn't seem like it should already be here. I can remember so clearly where I was last year at this time. The only thing moving forward in my life is just my age. The rest of me is just at a stand still.