well, time for an update i guess ... the season did change n all lol.
so...hey. i figure that there is only so long i can go without updating ... bc otherwise whats the point of even having a lj? eventually i just get guilty of reading the work of other's commitment while avoiding my own. Anyway, so a lot has been happening lately. I'm leaving for NY in a couple days, very excited but not as excited as last year. I guess that there is a lot of mystery missing, an isolation in being the only one going a second time, and that amanda's not going. Ya ... Amanda. Well we are going out...obviously, but still i have yet to mention her in my LJ. Its such an interesting experiment for me. It changing a lot of things...I have someone to focus on, for better or worse, and I am being looked at differently by a lot of people. Thats not my aim in this relationship, but it certainly is a side effect. Things are really interesting with her. We are so good together, but when we are apart I always feel so wrong about her. I dont get it, like at all. Anyway im not giving up on it bc of something so stupid, its just a point of curiosity. Im getting closer to a lot of my friends. Maybe I was always this close and it just took something to get me to understand it. I feel like a swith has ... switched. On. Everything is gettign better, everything is getting to where i want it to be. This year has been really good for that. So ive been thinking way more about this whole university question, as thats all coming up. I went to western yestyerday, with some people who will help me make this decision. It was good, im not to turned on about all of it though, it was way to much a Carra Foods style production. Im thinking Dalhousie acutally. Its such an odd move on my part, but hey my life needs the tangental. I crave it. lol. Anyway, moving on. Ive pretty much shut my dad out of my life, along with his girlfriend and everyone from the summer (cept dani and zoe, they will never be excluded) and i have no reason for it. But still, its been like two months since my dad and i talked about anything but formalities. Montreal is coming up, and its going to go really well. Other E.Club things are going really well.... well, well except for some member issues. But that will all get straightened around in the new year. Wow christmas is coming. Along with the challenge of meaning, the search, discovery, gift, and reception of it that surrounds the season. School is challenging, only bc im maknig it that way. Donna Cansfield is ignoring my latest email. Which is irritating, her power has cut our ties. Pun Intended for anyone who gets it. Travelling is exciting. A lot of it is coming up. It will make the year go faster, counting in between events instead of dates. I dont know if thats a good thing. I have to grow up quickly. It worries me sometimes. Im worried that i wont, or that people arnt, or that people wont. mostly that some people havent. Music is good. Its true. I love this band, and no one else knows them. I havent met one other person who knows them, very unfortunate. This band that i am listening to. I wish steve was around us more (no im not getting all anti chandra, hell ive been supportive of this one)... but just in general. Havent hung out with him in a while. Need to. "The tyranny of framing our attention". Powerful Quote. wow. im sorry, i just came across it and felt others should read it. Im donig that alot lately, telling people about things i come across. Ive noticed that the less you chase after something, the more it chases after you. Maybe thats the algorithm behind this life we share. I came across a really interesting theory about life, i dotn really know where so sorry if it was one of you...but that when you add up all the the extremes in life, they balance out. Life is, in the end, compeltly neutral of emotion. Its really long, and i dont feel like explaining it beyond that fundamental aspect, but trust me its really intreguing. Ive realized that my self confidence comes from, largely, similarity. Many things that i thought were character flaws, once i realized that other people had them too, have no longer bothered me. Its wierd that i find comfort in fitting in. I was gonig to use the word conformity, but it doesnt erally apply. Im not conforming, merely discovering a similarity. Anyway, its changing how i look at things. This whole entry is a product of my procrastination, just thought i should let you know. ISU interviews tomarrow. Three amazing books: anthem, fountainhead, and atlas shrugged. Best books i have ever read, well at least atlas shrugged tops the chart. Objectivism is very intreguing. Puts the notion of self sacrifice down a bit. I like it when that happens. Something/one challenges the commonly accepted. I like doing that myself. It angers many people. People think its ignorant, to challenge the commonly accepted. I view it otherwise. And I dont mean by means of some sort of stupid counter culture (which is commonly accepted, god why will no one realizxe that) but by choosing to conform to nothing. and not like on an emo level (which is conformity, god why will no one realize that) but by simply being complacent in my place in society and using that complacenty to patch thoughts together. anyway, im sure it makes no sense. which is fine. dont cririsize me if you disagree with me, i havent figured it out yet. lots of self analysis, mroe than usual i know. Things are going good. People are good. well, except Rebecca. I feel that she suffers in silence and it worries me. Everyone else complains. Annoying at some times, but perfectly usefull. anyway, this is going nowhere. Doubt you read it, dont care. - chris.