Humpty Dumpty
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”
Yes, that’s what I’m reminded of right now while I sit here and go back over the phone call Sean and I just shared. I might be able to agree to going to see a counselor, but the counselor isn’t going to be able to fix anything. The only person/people that can fix what has gone wrong is Sean and myself. We broke and no one else has the glue to mend it. Only we do. But Sean, if you really want to talk with someone, I’ll be more than happy to cooperate, if you think it will help any.
That being said, I’ll now say this:
Sean, I didn’t leave you, you know that. I hope you know that. You know I’m coming back too.
It’s just that I had to get away before I got any worse. That’s right, before I got worse.
I can’t and I’m not blaming all this on you. I’m to blame as well. If I’d have clued you in a little sooner about my waning sanity, I’m sure I wouldn’t be sitting here at my mother’s right now…without you.
There’s nothing really that I’ve been holding in and keeping from you. I’m just so emotionally and physically overwhelmed. Things weren’t so bad right after Liz was born. But you’ve gotten busier since then, which I really do understand, I promise I do. And Liz has been a lot tougher on us than Ali was. I made the decision to get away for a while because I didn’t want to explode. I could feel it coming, and I know that just one more tiny thing would have pushed me over the edge… into what sort of abyss, I don’t know, but I didn’t want to stick around to find out. I hope you understand that.
So in all honesty, you aren’t the reason I wanted to get away. You haven’t exactly been home for me to get away from, if you get my meaning.
I had to get away for you. Trust me, sweetie. I’m doing this for both of us. As much as I know it’s hurting.
I hope you understand now. I’m so sorry we’re going through this. But I’ll see you on Tuesday and I’m certain even then things will have begun to get better. And when I come home…
Sean, I love you. I. Love. You.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men,
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”
Yes, that’s what I’m reminded of right now while I sit here and go back over the phone call Sean and I just shared. I might be able to agree to going to see a counselor, but the counselor isn’t going to be able to fix anything. The only person/people that can fix what has gone wrong is Sean and myself. We broke and no one else has the glue to mend it. Only we do. But Sean, if you really want to talk with someone, I’ll be more than happy to cooperate, if you think it will help any.
That being said, I’ll now say this:
Sean, I didn’t leave you, you know that. I hope you know that. You know I’m coming back too.
It’s just that I had to get away before I got any worse. That’s right, before I got worse.
I can’t and I’m not blaming all this on you. I’m to blame as well. If I’d have clued you in a little sooner about my waning sanity, I’m sure I wouldn’t be sitting here at my mother’s right now…without you.
There’s nothing really that I’ve been holding in and keeping from you. I’m just so emotionally and physically overwhelmed. Things weren’t so bad right after Liz was born. But you’ve gotten busier since then, which I really do understand, I promise I do. And Liz has been a lot tougher on us than Ali was. I made the decision to get away for a while because I didn’t want to explode. I could feel it coming, and I know that just one more tiny thing would have pushed me over the edge… into what sort of abyss, I don’t know, but I didn’t want to stick around to find out. I hope you understand that.
So in all honesty, you aren’t the reason I wanted to get away. You haven’t exactly been home for me to get away from, if you get my meaning.
I had to get away for you. Trust me, sweetie. I’m doing this for both of us. As much as I know it’s hurting.
I hope you understand now. I’m so sorry we’re going through this. But I’ll see you on Tuesday and I’m certain even then things will have begun to get better. And when I come home…
Sean, I love you. I. Love. You.