ugh
these past 24 hours have been bittersweet. as they occurred, it was possibly one of my least favorite 24 hour periods i've experienced in recent memory. i found out i was sorely mistaken in a very important facet of my life, i found out that the weather only doesn't suck when you want it to suck, i found out that i hate this city more than i thought, i found out that showing up to work and starting are two different things, whether it's your fault that your boss waited to let you start until 4 fucking hours after you're supposed to, but keep you "busy" and not get paid for it. i found out that sunburn ain't that big a deal if you just say 'fuck it.'
but in retrospect, the long day out in the sun gave me a chance to think about a lot of things. i'm getting my life back in order, setting priorities and meeting them. i am on my way to quitting smoking, as i've gone from 7 packs a week to 1. i don't really drink much anymore, and i haven't gotten high since the last time i saw my dear alabama. i've learned not only what romantic and emotional attatchment is, and how to let that same romantic attatchment go, or at least go back to how it was before i thought things have changed. i've made my mind up about some things, figured out how i want to handle some things and look at some things. just one day ago, i thought i had it all figured out. then everything went wrong. and now, after the fall, i think that i understand even more, that i didn't have things together before, but now it makes that much more sense, and maybe it was worth it. maybe it wasn't. all i know for sure is this:
i have my job, i have my family, i have my friends, and i have someone who's a little more, but not too much to get too worked up over. i'm going to be in birmingham friday around noon, and stayin for the weekend. i'm gettin a killer farmer's tan too. i don't have to say fuck every-fuckin-other-fuckin-word. i can be an upstanding citizen without compromising my rebellious and curious nature. and most important, with each day that passes, i'm beginning to see who i am a little bit more.
but in retrospect, the long day out in the sun gave me a chance to think about a lot of things. i'm getting my life back in order, setting priorities and meeting them. i am on my way to quitting smoking, as i've gone from 7 packs a week to 1. i don't really drink much anymore, and i haven't gotten high since the last time i saw my dear alabama. i've learned not only what romantic and emotional attatchment is, and how to let that same romantic attatchment go, or at least go back to how it was before i thought things have changed. i've made my mind up about some things, figured out how i want to handle some things and look at some things. just one day ago, i thought i had it all figured out. then everything went wrong. and now, after the fall, i think that i understand even more, that i didn't have things together before, but now it makes that much more sense, and maybe it was worth it. maybe it wasn't. all i know for sure is this:
i have my job, i have my family, i have my friends, and i have someone who's a little more, but not too much to get too worked up over. i'm going to be in birmingham friday around noon, and stayin for the weekend. i'm gettin a killer farmer's tan too. i don't have to say fuck every-fuckin-other-fuckin-word. i can be an upstanding citizen without compromising my rebellious and curious nature. and most important, with each day that passes, i'm beginning to see who i am a little bit more.