oh Life.
So here i sit...doing my taxes..every year when i do my taxes..its right around my birthday...
so then i feel old...dammit.
So..Mr.Sub is almost over..and i can hardly wait...i cant stand doing the same set up..day after day..making subs..same old rude pople coming in....not being able to mack cause i look like a fuckin idiot....i do however...enjoy being in the school..and being able to see everyone..and to be honest..thats the only reason i ever go back...and the only reason i might go back in september....even though..i must say i think that my blood pressure rises a bit more everyday..cause im so strong minded and stubborn...and so is Alene..so thats bad news from the get go..then you add two people who think they are right..with someone who has no common sense what so ever...then a boss who doesnt give a shit..tells one peron they are manager then treats someone else way better than them...you know...it really makes me mad..when a certain situtation arose at work today..which honestly was no ones fault..it arose and someone had to go home and come back because they were a couple hours early for a shift..it was a shitty siutation yes..but when i told Kent..he was like..i feel really bad about it..i feel really bad..then he said..but you realize if that was you i woulda laughed at you..and not cared..and laughed at you some more when you came back...i mean..maybe this is a sign of friendship...and thats his excuse...and im sorry for bringing up work on here alene..but..man..it really got to me..like im fuckin nothing there..i have to give the orders..and i take the rap from people for giving orders...and then..what do i get..no respect.. man...i feel like no one respects me at all...not at home..not at work..and men definatly dont respect me..friends..i knwoi have some friends out there who respect me..and some who deep down do..but no one ever shows it..and it fuckin frustrates me...
ive had to push school back again..yes again...
and that really dissapoints me..but the money went to good cause..so i cant be that sad..well..i am pretty sad about it to be honest..but..January..ill be ok...finally back on the right path..hopefully not fuckin up..or dropping out due to a broken heart...
i just want to get on with my life really...but right now..i have ZERO motivation..and its like i can stand outside my window and look in at myself..and see me..sitting there..being a god damn bum..and i still sit..and i dont do anythning..cause i have no motivation...
i think its because i have this..whats goin to happen will happen statement in my head...and i believe it..but i also believe that if i sit here and gain anymore weight...or bigger bags under my eyes from not sleeping im goin to pass away....
yes yes i am....
god i have to get up off my ass and do something....
i really do.
so then i feel old...dammit.
So..Mr.Sub is almost over..and i can hardly wait...i cant stand doing the same set up..day after day..making subs..same old rude pople coming in....not being able to mack cause i look like a fuckin idiot....i do however...enjoy being in the school..and being able to see everyone..and to be honest..thats the only reason i ever go back...and the only reason i might go back in september....even though..i must say i think that my blood pressure rises a bit more everyday..cause im so strong minded and stubborn...and so is Alene..so thats bad news from the get go..then you add two people who think they are right..with someone who has no common sense what so ever...then a boss who doesnt give a shit..tells one peron they are manager then treats someone else way better than them...you know...it really makes me mad..when a certain situtation arose at work today..which honestly was no ones fault..it arose and someone had to go home and come back because they were a couple hours early for a shift..it was a shitty siutation yes..but when i told Kent..he was like..i feel really bad about it..i feel really bad..then he said..but you realize if that was you i woulda laughed at you..and not cared..and laughed at you some more when you came back...i mean..maybe this is a sign of friendship...and thats his excuse...and im sorry for bringing up work on here alene..but..man..it really got to me..like im fuckin nothing there..i have to give the orders..and i take the rap from people for giving orders...and then..what do i get..no respect.. man...i feel like no one respects me at all...not at home..not at work..and men definatly dont respect me..friends..i knwoi have some friends out there who respect me..and some who deep down do..but no one ever shows it..and it fuckin frustrates me...
ive had to push school back again..yes again...
and that really dissapoints me..but the money went to good cause..so i cant be that sad..well..i am pretty sad about it to be honest..but..January..ill be ok...finally back on the right path..hopefully not fuckin up..or dropping out due to a broken heart...
i just want to get on with my life really...but right now..i have ZERO motivation..and its like i can stand outside my window and look in at myself..and see me..sitting there..being a god damn bum..and i still sit..and i dont do anythning..cause i have no motivation...
i think its because i have this..whats goin to happen will happen statement in my head...and i believe it..but i also believe that if i sit here and gain anymore weight...or bigger bags under my eyes from not sleeping im goin to pass away....
yes yes i am....
god i have to get up off my ass and do something....
i really do.