Not Sure How Much More I Can Take...

[chris_online]

I am just over it right now...

Over everything.

Sick of fighting...

Sick of thinking...

Just tired...

I wish the end was here, either work or whatever may come.

This is not the life I want...anymore.

Comments

[audrabaudra]

Not too many years ago, I was living in abject poverty with other people dependent on me for the substance of their lives. I was in a non-tenure-track teaching job, and I was applying for the tenure-track position that would abolish my part-time job. By the terms of the faculty contract at that university, I could no longer work as a temp employee anywhere else on that campus--so if I didn't get the full-time job, I had nothing.

There was a long time where I plotted what I would do if I failed. In the recent past at that point, I was responsible for wrecking my marriage. I really felt that I had lost everything worth anything in my life, and I felt that I had damaged so many other people in the process. I had destroyed the continuum of so many lives, and I had nothing by way of a life to offer--not to them, not to myself. If I failed to get that job, it was over.

I had a plan of things to do, and I had my letters written.

As it turns out, I did get the job. It was never the life I wanted, even with the job, but I was able to look forward to a future at that point. Then everything changed again, in a totally unlooked-for direction, and I wound up leaving the job that had meant more than my life.

Something will change with your situation, and you will find the opportunity for change when you see it. Will it ever be perfect? In my own experience, no. But the perfect is the enemy of the good in the way that I've had to see things, and I've had to learn some hard lessons about compromise along the way.

Keep yourself together, Chris, as best you can. Keep working at what will be the right outcome for you.