Blathering Introspection using time that probably would be better spent planning experiments.
One of my birthday presents was an eels CD (Blinking Lights and Other Revelations). Quickly becoming my favorite song on the CD is Railroad Man. The central metaphor is that of a railroad man in an age that has no use for railroads or their operators any more.
things are faster now
and this train is just too slow
and i know i can walk along the tracks
it may take a little longer but i'll know
how to find my way back
It captures quite well the sort of out-of-placeness that I often feel. For me, it's partially a function of my third-culture-kidness meaning that I've always been out of place. But it's also a function of my crotchetiness. I've been realizing more and more that what I most want, what I most need, and what is the best guide towards achieving it is a deep sense of peace. I want to slow down. I don't like variation in general. I don't like "new things." Often "new things" make me happy, but they seldom bring peace. I have spent far too much of my life pursuing happiness, and so have achieved neither it nor peace. After all, it's only in peace that we can hear the still, small, voice of our Lord. St. Seraphim keeps pointing out that God makes His dwelling in peace.
But everything around me tells me to be happy. So I think I'm going walk along the tracks here. It might take a little longer, but you know, hey, you can read the lyrics for yourself. :-D
things are faster now
and this train is just too slow
and i know i can walk along the tracks
it may take a little longer but i'll know
how to find my way back
It captures quite well the sort of out-of-placeness that I often feel. For me, it's partially a function of my third-culture-kidness meaning that I've always been out of place. But it's also a function of my crotchetiness. I've been realizing more and more that what I most want, what I most need, and what is the best guide towards achieving it is a deep sense of peace. I want to slow down. I don't like variation in general. I don't like "new things." Often "new things" make me happy, but they seldom bring peace. I have spent far too much of my life pursuing happiness, and so have achieved neither it nor peace. After all, it's only in peace that we can hear the still, small, voice of our Lord. St. Seraphim keeps pointing out that God makes His dwelling in peace.
But everything around me tells me to be happy. So I think I'm going walk along the tracks here. It might take a little longer, but you know, hey, you can read the lyrics for yourself. :-D