Another
Another friend is about to die.
Weeks, days, hours. She isn't expected to see September. But she's beat the odds this long. She's so brave.
I've never feared my own death - Probably because I was struck by lightning as a kid. I just don't want to die badly. A long, drawn out illness. Loved ones watching you in pain, withering away. In hospice, using a bed pan, unable to control bodily functions. Unable to catch your breath. Unable to stop bleeding.
It's the most selfish act, but I fear other's death. Witnessing the passing. The sadness of others. And the blankness I have as I steel away all emotion. hide behind my walls.
When I was a young adult my friends were dying of AIDS. Back then I could hide in the closet. Pretend I was straight, hope I was straight, pretend it was someone else's problem, hope it was someone else's problem. Now it's cancer, and there is no hiding from it. It's my problem. It's everyone's problem.
Weeks, days, hours. She isn't expected to see September. But she's beat the odds this long. She's so brave.
I've never feared my own death - Probably because I was struck by lightning as a kid. I just don't want to die badly. A long, drawn out illness. Loved ones watching you in pain, withering away. In hospice, using a bed pan, unable to control bodily functions. Unable to catch your breath. Unable to stop bleeding.
It's the most selfish act, but I fear other's death. Witnessing the passing. The sadness of others. And the blankness I have as I steel away all emotion. hide behind my walls.
When I was a young adult my friends were dying of AIDS. Back then I could hide in the closet. Pretend I was straight, hope I was straight, pretend it was someone else's problem, hope it was someone else's problem. Now it's cancer, and there is no hiding from it. It's my problem. It's everyone's problem.