the Right Place
A bit of context if you haven't been following my blog - I developed this intense crush on my best friend. I'm a gay man (I guess) and she is straight. It's not happening so...
So I think i'm getting myself into the right head-space - back into friend-mode. Making the adjustment is interesting but very telling as I've started to think "gee maybe" when someone chats me up instead of "whatever" lol. I didn't even really look at hot girls/guys and at least that much has changed in the last few days :-)
It's hard opening yourself up to someone new. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable. When you're comfortable with someone you open up your heart. It's like a bright spring day when you open all the windows in the house. You can feel the crisp sunny breeze flowing through and everything in life is good. That can still exist between friends and I hope it does.
It feels good to be able to be vulnerable and allow someone to roam through all the rooms of your heart but when those days are gone, at least with a lover, the process of shutting all of the windows and all the doors is arduous at best. I think it's this process that makes moving on from a relationship such a chore. And if it's not then your heart likely wasn't open to begin with.
A new person will come into my life at some point. I'm not worried about that. I would like to go into new relationships with an open heart - wouldn't we all. I just don't think I'm there. I've tried it before and the heart stomping can be almost too much to bear. Those of you who follow me here over the years know that all too well.
Peace.
So I think i'm getting myself into the right head-space - back into friend-mode. Making the adjustment is interesting but very telling as I've started to think "gee maybe" when someone chats me up instead of "whatever" lol. I didn't even really look at hot girls/guys and at least that much has changed in the last few days :-)
It's hard opening yourself up to someone new. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable. When you're comfortable with someone you open up your heart. It's like a bright spring day when you open all the windows in the house. You can feel the crisp sunny breeze flowing through and everything in life is good. That can still exist between friends and I hope it does.
It feels good to be able to be vulnerable and allow someone to roam through all the rooms of your heart but when those days are gone, at least with a lover, the process of shutting all of the windows and all the doors is arduous at best. I think it's this process that makes moving on from a relationship such a chore. And if it's not then your heart likely wasn't open to begin with.
A new person will come into my life at some point. I'm not worried about that. I would like to go into new relationships with an open heart - wouldn't we all. I just don't think I'm there. I've tried it before and the heart stomping can be almost too much to bear. Those of you who follow me here over the years know that all too well.
Peace.