Gibbering TrekLove: TOS: Silliness
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You see? Predicting what I will post about is easy with the Handy ASCII Fandom-O-Meter! *nice guy pose*
I wish I could take screencaps for you guys but...I cannot. :/ So you get the linkies instead.
So the episode I watched was, "All Our Yesterdays". You know, one of those episodes you don't...really want to admit that you like, but you do. Because you are a Spockwhore. ANYWAY.
Transporter: *BEAMZ*
Kirk: We have arrived at this system's only planet, Sarpeidon...
Me: SARPEDON shoutout?! At last! Oh Trek, how could my love for you increase....
Mr. Atoz: Hurry up! Blah blah! I won't listen to your protestations! My name is the best name evar because I am Mr. A-to-Z and I am a librarian! Woo go me!
The Trio: *plod around*
Mr. Atoz: To escape our sun's total destruction we all used this library to travel back into the past where we could live out our lives, but I'm not going to tell you this because I'm a huge dick and also it would ruin the plot of this episode! Also kindly ignore the crazy time paradoxes necessitated by the entire population of a planet going back into the past!
The Trio: So, what's this place about?
Mr. Atoz: I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! *scampers about*
The Trio: *confused, questioning stare*
Kirk: *hears woman scream* *gets hasty* *CHARGE*
Kirk: *disappears into TEH PAST*
Spock&McCoy: Oh no, where did Kirk go? *run after him*
Spock&McCoy: *disappear into TEH PAST*
Mr. Atoz: ...darn you, you hasty guys!
COXCOMBS: *harass a woman*
Kirk: Hey, stop that.
COXCOMBS: Know your place, slave!
Me: *cracks up*
Kirk: *seizes sword, fences coxcombs away*
COXCOMBS: *flee!*
Kirk: Are you all right, ma'am.
Woman, who from far away appears to be a normal looking redhead: YE, ME BE FINE LUV. YOU'RE A BULLY FINE COE.
Me: ...because apparently, everyone on historical alien planets is IRISH.
Woman: I thought I weren't gettin away with stealing their purse!
Kirk: *facepalm look*
Woman, who from close up is hideous and caked with makeup: *leers*
Me: YEARGH! *jumps out of seat*
Kirk: *drags her along, yells through wall* Spock? McCoy?!
FROZEN WASTELAND
McCoy&Spock: Jim? Jim izzat you?
ALIEN IRELAND
Kirk: Spock? Bones?
Tha (Medieval) Police: *confiscate Kirk, knocking him out*
FROZEN WASTELAND
McCoy&Spock: Eh?
Personage wearing a fur hoodie of doom: *OMINOUS LOOK*
McCoy: *collapses of frostbite*
Spock: *picks him up, follows personage*
HOT HOT CAVE OF HOTNESS
Spock: *puts McCoy down, takes off his instruments, covers him with blanket*
Non-Existent Spock/McCoy Shippers: Squee!
Spock: *turns around*
Spock Ears: *tips are iced over*
Me: Squee!
Spock: McCoy is injured blah blah blah I don't know why I'm telling you this you could be evil for all I know blah.
Personage: *takes off hood to reveal SCANTILY CLAD WOMAN-NESS*
Swooning TOS Music of Womanhood: *plays*
Me: This is the skankiest outfit of Star Trekness evar.
Zarabeth: With my magical Mary-Sue-like powers, I guess that you are not *just* from the future, but from another planet.
Spock: Yep.
Zarabeth: Oh, how wonderful! I love those kinds of stories. But, hang on, I'm going crazy from the isolation, aren't I? *WAILS AND FLAILS INTO SPOCK*
Spock: ...there, there. Listen to me. I am firmly convinced that I do exist. I am substantial. You are not imagining this.
Descartes: *cheers from the back row*
Spock&Zarabeth: *have a MOMENT*
ALIEN IRELAND INT: JAIL CELL
Random Judge Dude: Where are you from?
Kirk: An island.
Random Judge Dude: What is this island?
Kirk: It's called Earth.
Me: *for some reason, melts*
Ugly Woman: HE BE A WITCH! He talked to a spirit, called it Bones!
Me: XD
Kirk: I am not a witch! I am not a witch!
Kirk: *does stuff...but nobody cares*
HOT HOT CAVE OF HOTNESS
Zarabeth: My name is Zarabeth.
Me: Because even if you from a totally random alien species, you must have an appropriately English feminine-sounding name.
Spock & Zarabeth: *meaningful stare*
McCoy: *defrosts* <---LIEK A PUN ON DEFOREST TOTALLY ph33r my wit
McCoy: What about Jim?
Spock: Jim!
Zarabeth: Who is this Jim?
Spock: He's our commanding officer and our friend.
Me: XD
Spock: I shall go find him!
Zarabeth: But if you go, you must leave your friend.
Spock: Go...and save Jim? Or stay, and save McCoy?
Zarabeth: *gasp* It sounds like a logic puzzle!
Spock: It is! Why can't I solve it? *befuddled*
Me: Maybe if Zarabeth offered to stay and take CARE of McCoy...argh, you useless woman.
Spock: *light bulb flashes* We shall ALL go to the portal!
Zarabeth: But I can't go. I am trapped here because my kinsmen tried to overthrow Zarkon (Zor Khan?) and he killed them but also sent me here as a prisoner I've been so alone etc exposition cakes.
Soft Lighting of Womanhood: *plays about her features!*
Zarabeth: In fact, NONE of us can go back. The portal CHANGES our CHEMISTRY!
McCoy: What are you doing Spock? LOOK FOR JIM!
Spock: We can't go back.
McCoy: Eh?
Spock: We are TRAPPED. Just like JIM is.
Dramatic Music: *CHORD!*
Me: ...a likely story.
ALIEN IRELAND
Kirk: *does stuff...but nobody cares. Alas.*
SPOCK AND MCCOY SCENE OF GREATNESS
McCoy: *finishing cup of Zarabeth's special soup, which, considering the habitat, must be composed of SKINS and HOT SPRING WATER* Zarabeth, you are a beautiful cook. Have you ever been told that?
Zarabeth: Not recently.
McCoy: *puts on the ol' McCoy smooth moves* Oh, well, you'll find...Spock is quite delinquent in those matters.
Zarabeth: *fangirl stare up at Spock* I hadn't noticed it.
McCoy: Oh? Well, now that I'm feeling better, you'll notice a distinct difference in our approach.
Spock: Really.
Me: *falls off couch*
McCoy: I wonder where Jim is.
Spock: Who knows.
Me: *falls off couch, again!*
Spock: We can only hope that he is well, wherever he is.
McCoy: *crazy McCoy eyes* What do you mean, "we can only hope"? Haven't you done anything about it?
Spock: What was there to do?
McCoy: Locate the portal. It can't be too far.
Spock: We've been through all that, Doctor. What's the point of rehashing that subject? We can't get back. Wasn't that clear to you?
McCoy: Yes, that was clear to me.
Spock: Then perhaps you were too ill to understand what "can't get back" means.
Me: *collapsed from teh sarcastic!Spock*
McCoy: I don't believe it, Spock. It’s just not like you to give up trying.
Spock: Then I'll repeat it for you. Get this through your head: We can't get back. That means we are trapped here in this planet's past just as we are, and we'll stay here for the rest of our lives. Now do you understand?
Me: squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
McCoy: Yes, I understand. I never thought I'd hear it, but I understand.
Crazy McCoy Eyes: 5/10
McCoy: You wanna stay here. As a matter of fact, you're highly motivated to stay in this forsaken waste.
Crazy McCoy Eyes: 7/10
Spock: The prospect appeared quite attractive to you a moment ago.
Me: *scrapes self off floor*
McCoy: You listen to me, you pointed-eared Vulcan...
Me: *is unsure how "Vulcan" is an insult, unless one is referring to the Roman form of Hephaestus, and dude, he was pretty cool too*
Spock: *HAULS MCCOY UP BY COLLAR* I don't like that. I don't think I ever did, and now I'm sure.
McCoy: What's happening to you, Spock?
Spock: Nothing that shouldn't have happened long ago.
Me: Crazy Spock! It's craaaazy Spock!
The Sibling: But why is Spock crazy?
Me: He just is and it's GREAT! Why do think you I am watching this?
The Sibling: ...but why is Spock crazy?
Me: Wait for the exposition like a normal person, you!
ALIEN IRELAND
Kirk: *finds the portal, goes back to the Library, and...again, nobody cares*
THE LIBRARY
Kirk: How much time before the sun blows up?
Scotty: *immediately* Seventeen minutes.
Me & The Sibling: *simultaneous inexplicable hysterical laughter*
Mr. Atoz: YOU! Why did you go through the portal before I could prepare you?
Kirk: Bring my friends back! *picks up Atoz and hurls him into a room*
Me: Congratulations, Kirk, you just beat up a 90 year old librarian. You're a manly man.
Mr. Atoz' clones: NO! WE WILL STOP YOU!
Kirk: *beats them up* Will the real Mr. Atoz please stand up, please stand...
The Real Mr. Atoz: You are evidently a suicidal maniac.
Me: *realizes that in parody this line implies that Mr. Atoz is about to unleash some bad librarian kung-fu skills on Kirk, but leaves it in anyway, as is hilarious*
Mr. Atoz: *takes out little gun*
Kirk: You don't really want to hurt me, do you?
Me: After you just beat up all his old man clones when he was trying to help you? Kirk!
Mr. Atoz: *zaps*
Me: Ahaha!
HOT HOT CAVE OF HOTNESS
Zarabeth: I cannot pretend to be sorry that you are here. I'm here against my will too...It's not that I wish to return. But it has been lonely here. Do you know what it's like to be alone? Really alone?
Spock: Yes. I know what it is like.
Me: :O Is There in Truth No Beauty reference liek whoa!*
Zarabeth: I believe you do.
Me: Vulcans do not lie, h0, except when the continuity editors forget!
Zarabeth: Have something to eat, please.
Spock: If it pleases you. This is animal flesh?
Zarabeth: There's not much else to eat around here, I'm afraid.
Spock: Naturally, because of the climate.
Me: *gives Spock Captain Obvious hat*
Spock: What is the source of heat in the shelter?
Zarabeth: An underground hot spring.
Spock: Excellent.Then it will be possible to build a greenhouse of sorts. Meanwhile, this will have to do as the only source of nourishment. *eats meat*
Me: Nuuu, Spock, nuuuu!
The Sibling: Eh?
Me: Vulcans are vegatarian nuuuuuuu!
Zarabeth: There aren't many luxuries around here. Zor Kahn...gave me weapons, a shelter, food. Everything I needed to live...
Me: ...except companionship.
Zarabeth: except companionship.
Me: *cracks up*
Zarabeth: He did not want it said that he had me killed.
Me: Because "Zor Khan sends innocent woman into past for life of solitary survival in a frozen wasteland" will be so much better for his PR?
Zarabeth: But to send me here alone-- If that is not death, what is?
Me: Actually being dead, perhaps?
Zarabeth: A very inventive mind, that man.
Spock: But insensitive. To send such a beautiful woman into exile.
Me: ...because it's perfectly okay to send UGLY women into exile. Because it is the fact that she is BEAUTIFUL, not that she is INNOCENT, that is tragic about this. Or what, he should have kept her as his scantily clad LOVE-SLAVE? Meh.
Spock: The cold must've affected me more than I realized. Please pay no attention. I'm not myself. *gets up*
Me: *feeds on the angst like a Vampiric Angst Monster, gains ten energy levels*
Spock: I'm behaving disgracefully. I have eaten animal flesh and I've enjoyed it. What is wrong with me?
Zarabeth: *basks in the soft lighting of Womanhood*
Swooning TOS Music of Luuurve: *swoops in*
Spock: I tell you you're beautiful. But you are beautiful. Is it so wrong to tell you so?**
Zarabeth: I have longed to hear you say it.
Me: ...you've known him, what, a day?
Spock: *moves in for kiss*
Swooning TOS Music of Luuurve: *reaches fever pitch*
Spock: *kisses Zarabeth, then does this kind of startled flinch thing as if he can't really believe he actually just did that*
Me: ...okay, that is the cutest. thing. ever. *is mush*
Awkward-Looking Closed Mouth 60s Kisses of Face-Smushing Doom: *commence*
Spock: *sweeps Zarabeth off feet*
Totally Fake Kisses: *are hidden by Zarabeth's great amount of fake-looking hair*
Spock: *grins* *Spocknuzzle!*
Me: ...no no, THAT is the cutest. thing. ever. WARHGSDHFSD.
Spock: You are beautiful. More beautiful than any dream of beauty I've ever known.
Me: *cringes at terribleness of line* *switches to German*
German!Spock: Sie schön. Schöner als Traumschönheit, die ich habe zu kennen.
Me: Ja, ist das mehr wie es!
Swooning TOS Music of Luuurve: *covers itself in olive oil and slides down a mudcovered mountain*
THE LIBRARY
Mr. Atoz: Just stay where you are, sir. I'll see you get to safety.
Kirk: *hilariously, is half-consciously being pushed by Mr. Atoz on a cart down the hallway towards the portal*
Kirk: *awakens, leaps off, beats up Mr. Atoz some more*
Scotty: Why are you waiting?
Kirk: No time to explain.
Me: Yes, Kirk, keep your Chief Engineer IN THE DARK. That's a wise way to proceed.
Kirk: *bullies Mr. Atoz in showing him various time periods so that he can find out where Spock & McCoy got to*
HOT HOT CAVE OF HOTNESS
McCoy: *leaning against pillar in tough guy pose* You've been dishonest with me, Spock.
Spock: *putting on boot* *engaging in unSpocklike shoulder-fondling of Zarabeth*
McCoy: And that is also something new for you.
Spock: I've given you the facts, Doctor.
McCoy: The facts as you know them...Zarabeth is a woman...
Me: Gee, thanks. It's not like every woman would randomly lie and cheat just to get their very own...Er. shuttup. -_-
McCoy: ...condemned to a terrible life of loneliness. She would do anything to anybody to change that.
Crazy McCoy Eyes: 6/10
Spock: She would not jeopardize other lives.
Me: Aw, Spock is rationalizing that she would behave like he would because he doesn't really know this random woman and therefore has to justify his relaaaationship as based on something other than random hormonal urges! ...or perhaps am I overthinking this. Poor Zarabeth, it's not as if she really has an interesting character of her own to counteract these assumptions, poor Generic Beautiful Victimized Scantily-Clad Love Interest that she is.
McCoy: She would do anything to prevent that life of loneliness. She would lie. She would cheat. She would even murder me, the captain, the entire crew of the Enterprise...to keep you here with her.
Crazy McCoy Eyes: 8/10
McCoy: Go ahead, Zarabeth, tell Spock the truth. Go ahead. *leaps on Zarabeth and grabs her head in weird fashion* Tell Spock you'd kill--
Me: ...I can't figure out if McCoy is being affected here by the weird time distortion (shouldn't he be clutching a log and chanting "Oog ug mah wuuuuman if so?) or if he's trying to get a reaction out of Spock to make him realize his own true craaaaaaziness! Anyway. Carry on. Tally ho.
Spock: What are you doing to her?
Me: ...this seems a stupid remark.
Spock: *grabs McCoy and shoves him against the wall*
Crazy McCoy Eyes: 10/10! FULL BUG-OUT POTENTIAL! *plays anime music*
McCoy: Are you trying to kill me, Spock? Is that what you really want? Think! What are you feeling? Rage? Jealousy? Have you ever had those feelings before?
Me: *refrains from listing names of episodes in which Spock has had those feelings before...barely*
Spock: *in Spock shock* This is impossible. Impossible. I am a Vulcan.
Me: Wulcan! *rattles Khalifi bells*
McCoy: The Vulcan you knew won't exist for another 5,000 years. Think, man.
Me: *cracks up* Think, man!
McCoy: What's happening on your planet right now...at this verrah moment?
Spock: My ancestors are barbarians, warlike barbarians.
Me: As opposed to the barbarians who settle their differences by inviting people round for nice cups of tea?
McCoy: Who nearly killed themselves off with their own passions.
Me: McCoy: Spontaneous Vulcan History Expert for Plot Requirement Purposes.
McCoy: Spock, you're reverting into your ancestors...5,000 years before you were born!
Spock: I've lost myself. I do not know who I am.
Me: I know who you are! ...can I have a present?
Spock: *goes over to Zarabeth* *heartbreakingly* Can we go back?
Zarabeth: I don't know. I only know that I can't go back.
Me: Ugh, woman, don't validate McCoy's suspicions like that! Random Judge Dude told Kirk *he* couldn't go back! Stand up for your scantilyclad self!
McCoy: I know I'm gonna try, Spock. Because my life is back there, and I want that life.
Me: Aw, and this is why Time Travel Romance is just never a good idea, KTHXEDITHKEELER.
FROZEN WASTELAND EXT: THE WALL OF PORTALNESS
Spock: *dragging Zarabeth along by the hand* There's no portal here, Doctor. Give it up.
The Voice of Kirk: Follow my voice. Spock. McCoy. Follow my voice. Do you hear me? Keep following my voice. Spock. McCoy.
McCoy: This must be it.
Spock&Zarabeth: *longing fur-coated stares of deep tragedy*
McCoy: What are you waiting for? Hurry!
Spock: I do not wish to part from you. [to ZARABETH, ahaha]
McCoy: Come on, Spock. Now!
Spock: *shoves McCoy at the portal, except the portal isn't working, so it's still simply a wall*
Me: ...did he just shoved McCoy into a WALL? Bwahahahahaha!
Kirk: You both went through at the same time, you have to come back at the same time!
Scotty: Orders or no, I'm beaming you up now.
Me: Haha, go the mutineer Scotty!
Kirk: Come ooooon!
Zarabeth: *lets go of Spock's hand* *steps away* *SINGLE TEAR OF TRAGIC ALONENESS*
Spock&McCoy: *go through the portal*
Mr. Atoz: *runs into portal, stopping to very unnecessarily shove Kirk aside*
Kirk: He had his escape planned. I'm glad he made it.
Me: No thanks to you, you putz.
Kirk: *puts his arms reassuringly around their shoulders*
Me: Awwww.
SPOCK AND MCCOY CORNER OF EPISODE WRAPPING-UP TIME
Spock: *giving McCoy A Look* There's no further need to observe me, Doctor. As you can see, I've returned to the present in every sense.
McCoy: But it did happen, Spock.
Me: And while it was happening, what did you do? You forgot all your crazy "Spock, releease your emotions, man!" logic and were all, "Spock, be more Spocklike and logical, man!" And now you want him to admit the emotionalness again! YOU CRAZY MCCOY.
Spock: Yes, it happened. But that was 5,000 years ago. And she is dead now. Dead and buried.
The Trio: *BEAMED UP!*
*http://www.livejournal.com/users/chresimos/11562.html
**Whatever this is in German, I like it. Germaaaaaan!Spooooooooooock! *clings*
Transcript, as always, pastede from the useful people here.
Non-Stupid (perhaps...maybe) Ruminations:
The first time I saw this episode, I violently disliked it. I can't imagine why. *whistles* This time...well, I kinda like it. The Library of the Past is very nifty. But mostly I like the Spock vs McCoyness. Which is what I seem to be liking mostly about episodes lately. Oh dear. Greatly feeling the McCoy love though. McCoy! He's so underrated. But without him, the dynamic totally wouldn't be the same.
I don't mind Zarabeth, but mostly because I feel really sorry for her. She isn't particularly developed...and she has these really strange lines to deliver that make her speech sound sort of stilted. And because here you have this situation with this terrible, terrible tragedy - I mean, her situation is really horrible, it actually freaks me out - but it gets sidelined because LOOK! EMOTIONAL SPOCK! occupies the screen in big, flashing letters. :) I feel if you are going to invent such a horrible situation for your character, you should at least give that emotion the main focus...she comes off a bit too, "random woman of the day"-ish. (Not that Trek Ladies in general are so great, but there are a few ones in there. The Romulan Commander, Dr. Miranda Jones...maybe Elaan of Troyius? the Scalosian woman - Deela whatshername?...hmm, can't really remember them. Janice Lester, haha? Parmen's wife whatshername for being so delightfully horrible? Anyone who *doesn't* succumb to Kirk's manly moves? *kicks incredibly annoying Miramanee*) It's also interesting that she's the one who lets go of Spock in the end. Poor woman. :(
And of course, Spock's "oh, she's dead now" thing at the end is brutal. But without it, he wouldn't have been...well, Spock. I think McCoy would have started nagging him about it if he weren't so invested in getting Spock to not care about her five minutes before and the episode wasn't just about to end. ^_^ Actually, I think the brutal end sentence was what made me violently dislike this episode in the first place, me not being a fan of Time Travel, Time Travel Romance, or Huge Time Travel Jumps in general. I mean...poor random girl, just sitting around rotting in the frozen wasteland until she got old or was eaten by a nondescript wild animal thing. :/ It's so cruel. But old Star Trek is surprisingly...brutal, in a way that you don't often notice it. And The Children Shall Lead was the only one that particularly pushed my EW STOP button, but...Kirk watches his nephew die, entire planets are destroyed, 300 year old freaky children, ohhhh and the Scalosians, their fate to just exstinction while Kirk was all, "tra la la, joke joke joke, I'll put my on boots" always really pissed me off. (I'm not even touching the Red Shirt Massacre, either . Hee.)
Also interesting is that I get the impression that Spock *wouldn't* have gone through the ATAVRACHRON LOLZ if it had just been him...but he eventually went through it because otherwise McCoy couldn't get back, and forcing McCoy to stay there would have been just unfair. *twitches* *runs from pauraque*
Elite review of this episode by the elite Guerticus Maximus + amusing comment.
Parody
While I was looking for the pics, I found this shot of a well-oiled Shatner. GWAHAHAHA.
Also, because they must always have equal screen time!1!!!!, here is a young shirtless Nimoy in a cage on a fake TV.
...WTF? No, I don't get it either.
Teeheeheeheehee. I have no idea what possessed me to write that. Perhaps it is because I lied and my mood is not "crazy bugging eyes" but *BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS*. AHAHAHAHAHA! For I spent yesterday harassing pauraque and today leaping out from behind doors and yelling, "What is happening on your planet right now, AT THIS VERRAH MOMENT?!" to see if anyone would get it. X_X THE TREKLOVE, it has to be expressed somehoooow!
At startrek.com they have these lists of which three episodes fans would take to a desert island...meh, I'm never good at picking things out, but pondering this I feel that Amok Time must be my favorite TOS episode. Because...it's just...I dunno, CLASSIC. The Pon Farr, oh ridiculous and yet legendary thing! <3! The crafty T'Pring! The pointless hunk of Stonn! The "having a thing is after all not so good as wanting!". THE FIGHT MUSIC! The fight scene! Tri-ox compound! Wulcans! Plomeek soup! Monitor-bashing! Random circular duelling sticks of death! Gwahahahaha! "My eyes are flame!" "Live long and prosper!" "I will do neither!" The JIM! "In a pig's eye!" And the JIM!!!!!!!
...or it could just be because I have been reading TWoP's hilarious recap of it. Hahaha, the rendering of the Kirkian speech impediment! I have almost collapsed from effort of trying to supress hysterical laughter so as not to awaken the house! (ETA: The Poll! *snickersnort*)
Ah, that's why I love the TOS - that potent blend of seriousness, ridiculousness, cheesiness, and hilarity. All at the same time. In one crazy, red-sky'd, cardboard-scenery, halted-speech-rhythms, eyebrow-raising blend of LOVE. *dissolves into helpless fangirl puddle*
...I think I need to go have a lie down.
...FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *BOUNCES OFF THE WALLS*
P.S. Happy Orthodox Christmas! :D :D