Life Altering. Literally.

[chremotingirl]

So, the two girls who read this know that me and Chris are no longer. Hopefully this weekend I will be moving to my new apartment in Lemoyne. It's 800 a month, but it includes TV, internet, electric...everything. I really like the apartment, it's beautiful. The claw foot tub is amazing. But deep down inside...under all the faking being happy and smiling and shit....I am fucking miserable. I feel like I am going to die alone. One fiance committed suicide, and now the other one dumped me for a 17 year old girl ...over the internet. That's how much I meant to him. I ...I dunno if it's all the time I took care of him and stuck through things with him, or if it's just general heart shattering sadness, but I am extremely lonely. Not in a sense...of friends? I've actually been going out and doing things, and I love my friends to death, but in a romantic way, I am horridly lonely. I feel pretty damn hopeless. I am...damaged goods. I don't really think I'll find someone now. I don't do good being alone. At least I get to take Peanut to the new apartment. Althought I'll have one week of total silence ...the dog will stay with Chris and I will try to get my apartment set up. I hate that I still love him. I should be over him by now. I'm not usually this stupid.

Stupid stupid stupid!
>.<
I just want one minute where I don't feel worthless and like shit.