Foundations.
Today, I only got... About four hours sleep total. Stayed up till five talking and etc to Abdul, woke up sometime in the morning and headed to ... Decatur, I think, and ate at Applebee's with grandpa. After that we headed around and got me some new clothes, grandma some stuff for her machine and wind-chimes, and my grandpa some clothes too. I notice when I'm out amongst people, I am one of two things.
Severely depressed and I want to go home.
OR.
I am cheerful as all get out and I forget the nights (where I AM down a lot) and the thoughts that get me to that state.
Don't know how to explain it, but it depends on the person and the place as to exactly how I react. I get down on myself and I'm very self-loathing on the inside due to my social disorders that have disabled me (if I would have listened to those doctors when I was younger) and the money situation and other random things in my life you may/may not know about. I feel that I'm always going to be like this, the cycles. I've lived with them all my life.
From there, lets talk about the nice subject, Social Security. Fought the denial with the lawyer, still waiting for an answer back. Most likely will be a denial, and there is a two year waiting period for a hearing and trial.I can't work during it anyway even if there was a slight chance I could, because then SS can say I put a false claim in. I have severe memory problems, social issues and etc. They almost thought about putting me in Special Ed for a while and they thought me to be an autistic child when I was younger. I'm not stupid, but I know I have some issues that a lot of people may or may not have. I don't get down on myself that bad for it because I know there's a lot worse people out there, and I try and let myself know I'm a good person. I sometimes think I'm a lazy bastard, but I look back and see all my work and how can I be? I write, draw, photograph, help grandparents, mom, dad, friends... A wise person once told me, a paycheck and a degree doesn't make the person. As that may be true, we have all grown up under the same brainwash that to get somewhere, you need either of those things. Most likely both. I'm only eighteen years old, so a lot of people tell me I am just rushing everything. A lot of this started when I had to bite on my pride and come back home after living with Jamey because he and I broke up.
This social security shit is getting tedious though. All of this so I can get money so I can help mom out with the bills. Aaaaand so I can get a laptop and I DON'T KNOW, HHMMMMM maybe go to college? Feel about two inches tall not being in an actual job or school, so I help my mother and grandparents a lot. That's... a good thing, right? Gaiz? I'm not being... @-@ Ergh. I notice that I need a lot of people to tell me I'm a good person, because inside I don't believe it just yet due to all the blabber above. Self-esteem issues as many have. I don't really express this much to people, but certain ones over the internet I have learned to confide in.
Suppose I'd just like some feedback or something, if anyone gets the time. xD Sorry for srs post gaiz.
Severely depressed and I want to go home.
OR.
I am cheerful as all get out and I forget the nights (where I AM down a lot) and the thoughts that get me to that state.
Don't know how to explain it, but it depends on the person and the place as to exactly how I react. I get down on myself and I'm very self-loathing on the inside due to my social disorders that have disabled me (if I would have listened to those doctors when I was younger) and the money situation and other random things in my life you may/may not know about. I feel that I'm always going to be like this, the cycles. I've lived with them all my life.
From there, lets talk about the nice subject, Social Security. Fought the denial with the lawyer, still waiting for an answer back. Most likely will be a denial, and there is a two year waiting period for a hearing and trial.I can't work during it anyway even if there was a slight chance I could, because then SS can say I put a false claim in. I have severe memory problems, social issues and etc. They almost thought about putting me in Special Ed for a while and they thought me to be an autistic child when I was younger. I'm not stupid, but I know I have some issues that a lot of people may or may not have. I don't get down on myself that bad for it because I know there's a lot worse people out there, and I try and let myself know I'm a good person. I sometimes think I'm a lazy bastard, but I look back and see all my work and how can I be? I write, draw, photograph, help grandparents, mom, dad, friends... A wise person once told me, a paycheck and a degree doesn't make the person. As that may be true, we have all grown up under the same brainwash that to get somewhere, you need either of those things. Most likely both. I'm only eighteen years old, so a lot of people tell me I am just rushing everything. A lot of this started when I had to bite on my pride and come back home after living with Jamey because he and I broke up.
This social security shit is getting tedious though. All of this so I can get money so I can help mom out with the bills. Aaaaand so I can get a laptop and I DON'T KNOW, HHMMMMM maybe go to college? Feel about two inches tall not being in an actual job or school, so I help my mother and grandparents a lot. That's... a good thing, right? Gaiz? I'm not being... @-@ Ergh. I notice that I need a lot of people to tell me I'm a good person, because inside I don't believe it just yet due to all the blabber above. Self-esteem issues as many have. I don't really express this much to people, but certain ones over the internet I have learned to confide in.
Suppose I'd just like some feedback or something, if anyone gets the time. xD Sorry for srs post gaiz.