On the Relationship of Gakuto and Yuushi
So, I've gotten back into a little of PoT rp-ing. I'm in a game right now. Anyway, I was talking to Shishido-mun and Yuushi-mun over the weekend about our boys. About the dynamics of Shishido and Gakuto's friendship and about how Yuushi will inevitably break Gakuto's heart because of who he is. Basically, these thoughts have been dominating my mind all day and I need to get them out so I can actually concentrate on things.
Now maybe I'll get some peace.
Yuushi, for all his talk of romance and everlasting love, is a commitment-phobe. He's afraid that if he settles with just one person the spark, the interest, will fade and die. He knows it can happen--it already has for his parents. He's grown up hearing stories about how they were so in love and so passionate for each other. Until they married. After that, the passion and the romance faded into a cold partnership geared towards raising Yuushi and his sister. And Yuushi doesn't want that to happen to him. He doesn't want to be in a loveless relationship.
Gakuto, on the other hand, wants commitment more than anything else. He puts his whole heart into everything he does. Because of that, he's careful and cautious. He demands control over as much of his life as he can possible hold onto because he doesn't want to get hurt. He hates people seeing him look weak. He has to fight a lot already just so people will take him seriously because of his height/looks.
But Gakuto really does like Yuushi. He wants to trust the guy, he really does. He feels like maybe if it's with Yuushi, he could let go of some of his tight control, to actually let someone in and close to him. Maybe even enough to love the guy and let Yuushi have a chance at his heart. It's Yuushi's over-the-top romantic nature that both draws Gakuto closer to the blue-haired guy and makes him wary and want to run away. Gakuto loves that special feeling he gets when Yuushi's doing something crazy, like a midnight moonlight serenade. He hates how easy it is for Yuushi to do these romantic things. It makes Gakuto wonder how easy it is/would be for Yuushi to do/say those things to others.
The rumors that go around Hyotei don't help at all. Gakuto does his best to not pay attention to them but sometimes, it's hard.
"Oshitari-san took ________ to the movies last night."
"Did you hear? Some teacher caught _______ and Oshitari-sempai making out!"
You know, those types of things. It never helped that Yuushi always had one of two reactions. He would pull away, physically distancing himself from Gakuto and ignoring the redhead's pleas for attention. Or Yuushi would have the exact opposite reaction. He would be too attentive, always showering Gakuto with so many words of love and adoration that the redhead felt like he'd drown in it all. He would get caught up in Yuushi and Yuushi's words and they'd find themselves somewhere together when it would happen. Usually they'd have been in the midst of a hot and heavy make-out session. Gakuto's hands would wander, finding them slipped under Yuushi's shirt. After so long, he'd try to slip Yuushi out of said shirt and it would stop. Yuushi would pull back, saying he just wanted to cuddle and hold Gakuto.
In a week or two, they'd find themselves in the same positions but this time, Yuushi would let Gakuto keep going. Gakuto would explore and mark Yuushi's body, trying to show the world that Yuushi was his. Usually during these sessions, Gakuto wouldn't find anything. On a few occasions, though, he'd find something faint in a place he hadn't quite remembered marking. He'd get pissed off and angry at Yuushi, who'd just give him an annoyed look.
Because they weren't technically dating. They'd never agreed or stated that they'd be mutually exclusive. It was what Gakuto wanted but he knew that was the fastest way to lose Yuushi. And as much as Gakuto hated the thought of other people with his Yuushi, he hated the thought of not having the guy in his life more. So Yuushi would say his stupid words and people would all but throw themselves at him. Gakuto would get jealous and Yuushi would get another segment to add to his beloved tragic love story. He would promise Gakuto the world and more but then run off and fool around, never noticing how he'd break the redhead's heart a little more each time.
Yuushi never gets jealous. He has no need to. He knows Gakuto is his. There's no way the redhead would trust someone else the way he trusts Yuushi. And if Gakuto did, well, it wouldn't be a surprise. Gakuto could only fall in love with someone he knew and trusted. It would be with a friend, someone Yuushi long knew and approved of. And when Gakuto would start falling in love with that other person, Yuushi would take him aside and ask Gakuto to let him (Yuushi) go and to go be happy with that someone else. After all, if you loved someone, you'd let them go and be happy, even if it was with a different person. Yuushi wouldn't realize that by letting Gakuto go, he'd only be causing more hurt.
Yuushi would fail to see that what Gakuto really wanted was for Yuushi to fight for him. If Yuushi were to fight, that would mean that he really did care. That there had been more between them than lust and a one-sided love. That all those stupid romantic words and gestures had been genuine. But Yuushi would fail to see all that and would wish Gakuto the best of luck with his new love. He wouldn't see how that Gakuto's heart would be broken a million times worse than if it came out that all those rumors were true.
For you see, Yuushi has a rule about loving someone. You stay with them until they no longer want you. He is never the one to end any of his fooling arounds. He always lets the other person decide when its over and he promises Gakuto the same. That when what's going on between them is over, Gakuto is the one who will end it. When he asks Gakuto to let him go, Yuushi doesn't realize he's really asking for them and whats between them to be over.
Gakuto ends up depressed and running to Shishido. Why him? Well, it's simple, really. Shishido's his best friend. Jirou too but in a different way. Gakuto and Shishido have always worked hard to protect Jirou and keep him from getting hurt because Jirou's like them. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Unlike Gakuto and Shishido, Jirou isn't guarded about letting people near. He welcomes anyone and everyone. He was the first one to break into both their shells back when the three of them were kids. Because of Jirou and because of the similarities they saw in each other, Gakuto and Shishido became friends. Unlike Gakuto, Shishido's managed to let his guard down a little. The experience he gained after the Tachibana incident changed him, matured him. Befriending Ohtori helped a bit too because Shishido would get to see that there are people who are genuine and true.
The real reason he goes to Shishido's place? Jirou's got a little sister whose really young and they'd hate to wake her up because she never went to sleep. So Gakuto shows up at Shishido's, angry and upset because he thought that maybe, just maybe, things would have worked out between him and Yuushi. It's not long before Jirou shows up, clearly concerned. Jirou's the one who holds Gakuto close, telling him that things will be okay. And when that doesn't seem to do anything, Shishido makes a little quip that he knows will make Gakuto snap. It does and Jirou and Shishido exchange a look, knowing that thats exactly what their friend needed.
But deep down, Shishido's beyond pissed. In a way, it's because he's afraid that the exact same thing will happen to him, that he'll get too close to someone and have his heart broken. He's been afraid this would happen ever since Yuushi showed up and started getting close to Gakuto. Because unlike Gakuto, Shishido's never once been taken in by Yuushi and his antics. He's seen it all. So Shishido calls Yuushi out. Calls him a bastard and says he's never been worth any of Gakuto's attention or time. Yuushi just soaks it all in, agreeing.
As for the ending? Well, that's the part I'm not sure on. Because yes, Gakuto's heart will be broken. It's an inevitable fact and it makes me sad. I don't want his heart to be broken. There is no ending for right now. This wasn't a story. This was just a musing, of me exploring Gakuto's relationship with Yuushi using the meta-knowledge I've gained from speaking to the other players.
Now maybe I'll get some peace.
Yuushi, for all his talk of romance and everlasting love, is a commitment-phobe. He's afraid that if he settles with just one person the spark, the interest, will fade and die. He knows it can happen--it already has for his parents. He's grown up hearing stories about how they were so in love and so passionate for each other. Until they married. After that, the passion and the romance faded into a cold partnership geared towards raising Yuushi and his sister. And Yuushi doesn't want that to happen to him. He doesn't want to be in a loveless relationship.
Gakuto, on the other hand, wants commitment more than anything else. He puts his whole heart into everything he does. Because of that, he's careful and cautious. He demands control over as much of his life as he can possible hold onto because he doesn't want to get hurt. He hates people seeing him look weak. He has to fight a lot already just so people will take him seriously because of his height/looks.
But Gakuto really does like Yuushi. He wants to trust the guy, he really does. He feels like maybe if it's with Yuushi, he could let go of some of his tight control, to actually let someone in and close to him. Maybe even enough to love the guy and let Yuushi have a chance at his heart. It's Yuushi's over-the-top romantic nature that both draws Gakuto closer to the blue-haired guy and makes him wary and want to run away. Gakuto loves that special feeling he gets when Yuushi's doing something crazy, like a midnight moonlight serenade. He hates how easy it is for Yuushi to do these romantic things. It makes Gakuto wonder how easy it is/would be for Yuushi to do/say those things to others.
The rumors that go around Hyotei don't help at all. Gakuto does his best to not pay attention to them but sometimes, it's hard.
"Oshitari-san took ________ to the movies last night."
"Did you hear? Some teacher caught _______ and Oshitari-sempai making out!"
You know, those types of things. It never helped that Yuushi always had one of two reactions. He would pull away, physically distancing himself from Gakuto and ignoring the redhead's pleas for attention. Or Yuushi would have the exact opposite reaction. He would be too attentive, always showering Gakuto with so many words of love and adoration that the redhead felt like he'd drown in it all. He would get caught up in Yuushi and Yuushi's words and they'd find themselves somewhere together when it would happen. Usually they'd have been in the midst of a hot and heavy make-out session. Gakuto's hands would wander, finding them slipped under Yuushi's shirt. After so long, he'd try to slip Yuushi out of said shirt and it would stop. Yuushi would pull back, saying he just wanted to cuddle and hold Gakuto.
In a week or two, they'd find themselves in the same positions but this time, Yuushi would let Gakuto keep going. Gakuto would explore and mark Yuushi's body, trying to show the world that Yuushi was his. Usually during these sessions, Gakuto wouldn't find anything. On a few occasions, though, he'd find something faint in a place he hadn't quite remembered marking. He'd get pissed off and angry at Yuushi, who'd just give him an annoyed look.
Because they weren't technically dating. They'd never agreed or stated that they'd be mutually exclusive. It was what Gakuto wanted but he knew that was the fastest way to lose Yuushi. And as much as Gakuto hated the thought of other people with his Yuushi, he hated the thought of not having the guy in his life more. So Yuushi would say his stupid words and people would all but throw themselves at him. Gakuto would get jealous and Yuushi would get another segment to add to his beloved tragic love story. He would promise Gakuto the world and more but then run off and fool around, never noticing how he'd break the redhead's heart a little more each time.
Yuushi never gets jealous. He has no need to. He knows Gakuto is his. There's no way the redhead would trust someone else the way he trusts Yuushi. And if Gakuto did, well, it wouldn't be a surprise. Gakuto could only fall in love with someone he knew and trusted. It would be with a friend, someone Yuushi long knew and approved of. And when Gakuto would start falling in love with that other person, Yuushi would take him aside and ask Gakuto to let him (Yuushi) go and to go be happy with that someone else. After all, if you loved someone, you'd let them go and be happy, even if it was with a different person. Yuushi wouldn't realize that by letting Gakuto go, he'd only be causing more hurt.
Yuushi would fail to see that what Gakuto really wanted was for Yuushi to fight for him. If Yuushi were to fight, that would mean that he really did care. That there had been more between them than lust and a one-sided love. That all those stupid romantic words and gestures had been genuine. But Yuushi would fail to see all that and would wish Gakuto the best of luck with his new love. He wouldn't see how that Gakuto's heart would be broken a million times worse than if it came out that all those rumors were true.
For you see, Yuushi has a rule about loving someone. You stay with them until they no longer want you. He is never the one to end any of his fooling arounds. He always lets the other person decide when its over and he promises Gakuto the same. That when what's going on between them is over, Gakuto is the one who will end it. When he asks Gakuto to let him go, Yuushi doesn't realize he's really asking for them and whats between them to be over.
Gakuto ends up depressed and running to Shishido. Why him? Well, it's simple, really. Shishido's his best friend. Jirou too but in a different way. Gakuto and Shishido have always worked hard to protect Jirou and keep him from getting hurt because Jirou's like them. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Unlike Gakuto and Shishido, Jirou isn't guarded about letting people near. He welcomes anyone and everyone. He was the first one to break into both their shells back when the three of them were kids. Because of Jirou and because of the similarities they saw in each other, Gakuto and Shishido became friends. Unlike Gakuto, Shishido's managed to let his guard down a little. The experience he gained after the Tachibana incident changed him, matured him. Befriending Ohtori helped a bit too because Shishido would get to see that there are people who are genuine and true.
The real reason he goes to Shishido's place? Jirou's got a little sister whose really young and they'd hate to wake her up because she never went to sleep. So Gakuto shows up at Shishido's, angry and upset because he thought that maybe, just maybe, things would have worked out between him and Yuushi. It's not long before Jirou shows up, clearly concerned. Jirou's the one who holds Gakuto close, telling him that things will be okay. And when that doesn't seem to do anything, Shishido makes a little quip that he knows will make Gakuto snap. It does and Jirou and Shishido exchange a look, knowing that thats exactly what their friend needed.
But deep down, Shishido's beyond pissed. In a way, it's because he's afraid that the exact same thing will happen to him, that he'll get too close to someone and have his heart broken. He's been afraid this would happen ever since Yuushi showed up and started getting close to Gakuto. Because unlike Gakuto, Shishido's never once been taken in by Yuushi and his antics. He's seen it all. So Shishido calls Yuushi out. Calls him a bastard and says he's never been worth any of Gakuto's attention or time. Yuushi just soaks it all in, agreeing.
As for the ending? Well, that's the part I'm not sure on. Because yes, Gakuto's heart will be broken. It's an inevitable fact and it makes me sad. I don't want his heart to be broken. There is no ending for right now. This wasn't a story. This was just a musing, of me exploring Gakuto's relationship with Yuushi using the meta-knowledge I've gained from speaking to the other players.