An update
I continue to feel deeply apathetic about a lot of things. I have missed ordering from 3 BPAL Lunacies because I didn't feel motivated enough by the scent to order. I am wondering if this is necessarily a bad thing. On one hand I think I should be passionate about my hobbies, on the other I have a huge, (and I mean HUUUGE,) stack of BPAL that I'm never going to use so why am I buying more scents that I feel 'meh' about? I've been thinking of liberating a load of LEs so people who actually will wear them can enjoy them.
I should blog more...
...there's a lot of things I should do more of. Listing a load of stuff I don't want on ebay being one of the main ones. Chasing my builders so I can move into a bigger flat being even more pressing.
I am put off by the thought that things will not go smoothly. That beginning a straightforward action will set off a chain of hassles and problems that I really can't be arsed with.
It may look a bit melodramatic but if past performance is anything to go by... after all, the builders said they'd already finished, said I'd be in by May, said they'd cart their debris away and just pop back to put up shelves.
That was about May/June. There is still no sealant around the sink or basin. The kitchen still isn't finished. Despite asking for everything above the picture rail to be painted cream, I have cream wall tops and a white ceiling. (I am tempted to email them a meme with 'ceiling cat saiz ceiling shud be creeemy' but I doubt if they'd know what the fuck I was on about.) So there's a pretty hefty precedent for their lack of follow up to promises of action.
As for ebay...the recent changes aren't exactly confidence inducing for sellers.
It is making me intensely sensitive to people saying stuff and then not sticking to it. I've been accused of being scared of commitment, I'm not. I rarely commit to stuff because I have to feel utterly sure that I will be able to honour that commitment even if circumstances change. Once I give my word I will try my utmost to keep it, come hell or high water. If not, I tend to use words like might, possibly, maybe and probably. It is annoying when other people aren't as conscientious. It is really fucking insulting when people treat me like I am a lying twat and expect me not to keep my word.
The flip side of this is I am questioning the sanity of holding myself to higher standards than other people. At least until they have given me proof of their integrity. Which is an attitude I absolutely hate with a burning passion. (The 'I assume you're untrustworthy until you prove otherwise' thing, not the questioning of sanity thing. Just in case you were wondering.) Which leads me to really hate the folks who make me think that it's foolish to trust before demanding proof of trustworthiness because it feels like they are turning me into a person I hate.
Either way I look at it, happiness is not part of the deal. So far my compromise is to extend trust, hoping that it will be returned like with like. When it isn't I tend to respond with exclusion, distance and, on occasion, the screaming, howling, blood craving, soul devouring ban sidhe that I can turn into when folks do nasty shit like betray me, damage my car or harm my kith and kin.
Suggestions for filtering mechanisms that don't involve making people go through elaborate 'games' in order to prove themselves or assuming that everyone I don't know well/is vouched for is untrustworthy would be most welcome.
Oh, the insomnia? Well... if I don't try to go to sleep before 6 am it isn't a problem. Insomnia has been joined by it's friend eczema, just to add to the fun. I was then told 'lucky it isn't nits.' WTF? Nits you can deal with in one treatment, whereas eczema is an ongoing, recurring sodding annoyance. I'm supposed to be growing out of allergies not hatching new ones.
In other news, amongst the rebirth of CAW, although Morning Glory is in remission and doing well, Oberon has been diagnosed with cancer. I really can't express quite how I feel about this. No, they aren't friends of mine, I've never met them, but their work has been such an inspiration and has influenced many parts of my life. If I wasn't such an optimist I'd be wondering if some nasty crafting was at work here. I'm not normally given to that kind of speculation but some of the comments I read on the WWW when Morning Glory's situation was made public were shockingly spiteful and seriously made me wonder if there was that much openly hostile feeling out there whether it wasn't being used. Not that they aren't more than capable of protecting themselves, but it made me wonder. I was also deeply ashamed that members of the Pagan community would actually make comments that somehow it was deserved, or that they weren't sorry that she was facing such a difficult situation. I am sending healing to Oberon and continuing to send to MG. If you read this and you actually give a shit about two fellow human beings, please send them both healing too.
Maybe I shouldn't blog more after all.
I should blog more...
...there's a lot of things I should do more of. Listing a load of stuff I don't want on ebay being one of the main ones. Chasing my builders so I can move into a bigger flat being even more pressing.
I am put off by the thought that things will not go smoothly. That beginning a straightforward action will set off a chain of hassles and problems that I really can't be arsed with.
It may look a bit melodramatic but if past performance is anything to go by... after all, the builders said they'd already finished, said I'd be in by May, said they'd cart their debris away and just pop back to put up shelves.
That was about May/June. There is still no sealant around the sink or basin. The kitchen still isn't finished. Despite asking for everything above the picture rail to be painted cream, I have cream wall tops and a white ceiling. (I am tempted to email them a meme with 'ceiling cat saiz ceiling shud be creeemy' but I doubt if they'd know what the fuck I was on about.) So there's a pretty hefty precedent for their lack of follow up to promises of action.
As for ebay...the recent changes aren't exactly confidence inducing for sellers.
It is making me intensely sensitive to people saying stuff and then not sticking to it. I've been accused of being scared of commitment, I'm not. I rarely commit to stuff because I have to feel utterly sure that I will be able to honour that commitment even if circumstances change. Once I give my word I will try my utmost to keep it, come hell or high water. If not, I tend to use words like might, possibly, maybe and probably. It is annoying when other people aren't as conscientious. It is really fucking insulting when people treat me like I am a lying twat and expect me not to keep my word.
The flip side of this is I am questioning the sanity of holding myself to higher standards than other people. At least until they have given me proof of their integrity. Which is an attitude I absolutely hate with a burning passion. (The 'I assume you're untrustworthy until you prove otherwise' thing, not the questioning of sanity thing. Just in case you were wondering.) Which leads me to really hate the folks who make me think that it's foolish to trust before demanding proof of trustworthiness because it feels like they are turning me into a person I hate.
Either way I look at it, happiness is not part of the deal. So far my compromise is to extend trust, hoping that it will be returned like with like. When it isn't I tend to respond with exclusion, distance and, on occasion, the screaming, howling, blood craving, soul devouring ban sidhe that I can turn into when folks do nasty shit like betray me, damage my car or harm my kith and kin.
Suggestions for filtering mechanisms that don't involve making people go through elaborate 'games' in order to prove themselves or assuming that everyone I don't know well/is vouched for is untrustworthy would be most welcome.
Oh, the insomnia? Well... if I don't try to go to sleep before 6 am it isn't a problem. Insomnia has been joined by it's friend eczema, just to add to the fun. I was then told 'lucky it isn't nits.' WTF? Nits you can deal with in one treatment, whereas eczema is an ongoing, recurring sodding annoyance. I'm supposed to be growing out of allergies not hatching new ones.
In other news, amongst the rebirth of CAW, although Morning Glory is in remission and doing well, Oberon has been diagnosed with cancer. I really can't express quite how I feel about this. No, they aren't friends of mine, I've never met them, but their work has been such an inspiration and has influenced many parts of my life. If I wasn't such an optimist I'd be wondering if some nasty crafting was at work here. I'm not normally given to that kind of speculation but some of the comments I read on the WWW when Morning Glory's situation was made public were shockingly spiteful and seriously made me wonder if there was that much openly hostile feeling out there whether it wasn't being used. Not that they aren't more than capable of protecting themselves, but it made me wonder. I was also deeply ashamed that members of the Pagan community would actually make comments that somehow it was deserved, or that they weren't sorry that she was facing such a difficult situation. I am sending healing to Oberon and continuing to send to MG. If you read this and you actually give a shit about two fellow human beings, please send them both healing too.
Maybe I shouldn't blog more after all.