Becoming

[chosen179]

I had a huge glowing smile last night.

the first one I've had in over a month.

thanks david :)



I feel like I'm slowly getting back to me again, now that most of my work is out of the way.

why does the second half of the fall semester always suck for me anyway?

Whatever.

Its almost done now.

Today I thought about what my new years resolutions ought to be...

and oddly enough,

they weren't anything new...

or anything I haven't already accomplished...

the trinity.

I've proven to myself that I can do them individually,

but now its about doing them together

as a balanced element.

As One.

One last thing has been on my mind.

regarding those whom I have let go.

I felt that my patience, kindness, and love for them

had been taken for granted.

So with few harsh words

or no words at all

I said goodbye.

I didn't want to be there for them anymore.

I was hurt and felt disregarded,

I wanted something better for myself.

but now...

I wonder...

If I made the right decision.

Am I defined by my pain?

Allowing it to drive my decisions

and influence my future?

or

Am I defined by my love,

my patience,

my kindness?

These parts of me that have always kept me true to who I am

have kept me honest and pushed me through the dark.

its the latter.

What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry.

To you but also to myself.

Allowing pain to get in the way of who I am.

Allowing the pain to make me believe that my strengths

were my weaknesses.

They are not, and I was wrong.

truth be told

even though you've hurt me

I still love you...