Lemme tell you...
Behold my current dislikes and pet peeves. This will be useful for all you bachelors out there lining up to get with me. Take note.
People who cross crosswalks slowly
When I'm on my way to work in the morning, the last thing I need is some pedestrian slowing me down. The pedestrians in Austin like to take their sweet ass time crossing the street, as if they own it. It's usually not one or two pedestrians either. Whenever I have a green light and have to yield, it's like the whole University of Texas has decided to parade in front of my car. When I cross the street, I get the hell outta there. All the damn hippies in Austin are too slow. If you Austinites are as uber-intellectual as you think you are, hanging out at coffeeshops 24/7, shouldn't you be moving faster? PICK UP THE PACE!
People who slow down the elevator
When I'm on my way to work in the morning, the 2nd to last thing I need is some jerk sticking his briefcase through the elevator doors as they are closing, just so he can get on and ride the elevator one floor up. There are literally ten other elevators at our disposal. There is always another elevator that you can immediately catch. Don't hold up an elevator full of people so you can take the elevator one floor up. Take the stairs, lazy ass.
People who try to fit their Hummers into "Compact Car Only" spaces
Learn how to read. If you don't know how to read, you shouldn't be driving! I can't stand it when SUV hogs try to squeeze in compact car spaces, only to double park. Those spaces are for people like me! Luckily the parking garage gives out bright violation stickers. If owned the property, I'd affix something like this:
Learn how to park, a-hole!
I don't go around wearing Baby Gap clothes. Don't try to fit into our spaces.
People who don't pay attention while driving, and I end up in an auto collison on my way to work in the mornings. Because I hit them, I would be at fault, even if I had the right-of-way.
But luckily the woman claimed all responsibility, so her insurance is going to hook it up.
I think that's it. I don't think I missed anything.
People who cross crosswalks slowly
When I'm on my way to work in the morning, the last thing I need is some pedestrian slowing me down. The pedestrians in Austin like to take their sweet ass time crossing the street, as if they own it. It's usually not one or two pedestrians either. Whenever I have a green light and have to yield, it's like the whole University of Texas has decided to parade in front of my car. When I cross the street, I get the hell outta there. All the damn hippies in Austin are too slow. If you Austinites are as uber-intellectual as you think you are, hanging out at coffeeshops 24/7, shouldn't you be moving faster? PICK UP THE PACE!
People who slow down the elevator
When I'm on my way to work in the morning, the 2nd to last thing I need is some jerk sticking his briefcase through the elevator doors as they are closing, just so he can get on and ride the elevator one floor up. There are literally ten other elevators at our disposal. There is always another elevator that you can immediately catch. Don't hold up an elevator full of people so you can take the elevator one floor up. Take the stairs, lazy ass.
People who try to fit their Hummers into "Compact Car Only" spaces
Learn how to read. If you don't know how to read, you shouldn't be driving! I can't stand it when SUV hogs try to squeeze in compact car spaces, only to double park. Those spaces are for people like me! Luckily the parking garage gives out bright violation stickers. If owned the property, I'd affix something like this:
Learn how to park, a-hole!
I don't go around wearing Baby Gap clothes. Don't try to fit into our spaces.
People who don't pay attention while driving, and I end up in an auto collison on my way to work in the mornings. Because I hit them, I would be at fault, even if I had the right-of-way.
But luckily the woman claimed all responsibility, so her insurance is going to hook it up.
I think that's it. I don't think I missed anything.