To die, to sleep, perchance to dream...
I had to laugh at myself last night.
I read Cicero's On Old Age, and while I agree that overall I do not fear death, as soon as I turned the lights out and tried to sleep, my mind was beset with worrying over certain female problems and the lump that the doctor found in my breast.
Cancer, or anything that could be cancer, frightens me. It is not so much the death at the end but the suffering in between. I plague myself with worries such as this when I try to sleep. Maybe I should go back to the doctor and see if she can do anything to ease my mind.
I think if I was given the chance to start over from birth I wouldn't. The journey to where I am (not even 20) has been a good one, but it's over. Let the dead past bury its dead. I had many triumphs, but I had many defeats. I will live forward rather than backward. I will occasionally look backward, as the traveler who wanders in the forest does to make sure he is not going in circles, but those places before I have left behind for good.
I may be telling this with a sigh, somewhere in ages hence, but all I want to do is live a decent and loyal life.
I read Cicero's On Old Age, and while I agree that overall I do not fear death, as soon as I turned the lights out and tried to sleep, my mind was beset with worrying over certain female problems and the lump that the doctor found in my breast.
Cancer, or anything that could be cancer, frightens me. It is not so much the death at the end but the suffering in between. I plague myself with worries such as this when I try to sleep. Maybe I should go back to the doctor and see if she can do anything to ease my mind.
I think if I was given the chance to start over from birth I wouldn't. The journey to where I am (not even 20) has been a good one, but it's over. Let the dead past bury its dead. I had many triumphs, but I had many defeats. I will live forward rather than backward. I will occasionally look backward, as the traveler who wanders in the forest does to make sure he is not going in circles, but those places before I have left behind for good.
I may be telling this with a sigh, somewhere in ages hence, but all I want to do is live a decent and loyal life.