(no subject)
Nota bene for outside readers: this entry is long and perfunctory. Don't expect to be amused.
My last entry was a bit dismal - a result of stress induced by the disorder in my life. This update will not be so depressing, for I have made progress since then. Granted, my life is still in a state of disorder, but I am taking steps in the right direction.
Firstly, I have made it through a major obstacle: the completion of my thesis. It was not easy; I suffered a couple of long weekends to make it through the 70 or so pages, and I have undergone a couple of rounds of revisions. Some slight changes were requested by the honors council this week but I took care of most of it today. All that remains is the final approval and a presentation dinner. Hopefully those things will go smoothly.
So far, no ground has been broken on the job search. Most of my time over the past few weeks has been devoted to the thesis and, at some points, blatant time-wasting activities. I may go down to Babson’s Center for Career Development today - that is, if I can get my resume updated and make it back from Brockton in time. That will be a big step. Also, my brother Mike is trying to help me get my name in with the Department of Transportation, just in case all else fails.
I’m still worried about my grades for the 3 classes I’m taking. In one class, I performed rather poorly on the midterm (by my standards, at least), in another class, I have several assignments to catch up on, and the last class has been alright. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep the grades high enough to maintain a GPA over 3.2 so that I’ll be able to graduate with honors and not have wasted all that time on the thesis. My GPA, as it stands, lingers just above that threshold.
The last thing worth mentioning is my recent breakup with Laura. It happened three days ago, mainly the result of my lack of trust in her. I had noticed a change in her disposition toward me and then discovered that she was still not over the emotional baggage of her previous relationship. This, combined with certain grievances that I had accrued over the course of the relationship, led me to make the decision. Besides, it had occurred to me that I was in a motivational rut, as discussed in the previous entry, owing much to Laura. The love that blinded me from Laura’s problems had blinded me from my own, and the inertia had been crippling. As a result of all this, breaking up was painful but not difficult, since I knew all along that I had been ignoring many things because of the relationship. Hopefully, now I can pick up the pieces of my life and move on, gaining positive momentum to push me through the end of my last semester of college.
I will not pretend that the single life has been easy over these past few days. I had been getting used to having someone who was always there for me. However, being with Laura had somehow made me more insecure about myself and nihilistic in my outlook on life. Perhaps it was partly due to the influence of her own emotional turmoil and unstable personality. Perhaps it was partly due to my lack of forward thinking and abundance of willing self-distraction at a time when a crossroads was, and is, near. In any case, it will undoubtedly take me a while to get back to where I once had been. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been single since high school. As such, I haven’t had much of a chance for the solitary introspection necessary to put my values into perspective. At this critical point in my life, it is therefore a very beneficial idea for me to be single, I think. While I miss Laura and the security of a steady relationship, I have faith in myself - I just have to summon the optimism and objectivism that once dominated my personality. It is pure determination that will lead me to achievement.
My last entry was a bit dismal - a result of stress induced by the disorder in my life. This update will not be so depressing, for I have made progress since then. Granted, my life is still in a state of disorder, but I am taking steps in the right direction.
Firstly, I have made it through a major obstacle: the completion of my thesis. It was not easy; I suffered a couple of long weekends to make it through the 70 or so pages, and I have undergone a couple of rounds of revisions. Some slight changes were requested by the honors council this week but I took care of most of it today. All that remains is the final approval and a presentation dinner. Hopefully those things will go smoothly.
So far, no ground has been broken on the job search. Most of my time over the past few weeks has been devoted to the thesis and, at some points, blatant time-wasting activities. I may go down to Babson’s Center for Career Development today - that is, if I can get my resume updated and make it back from Brockton in time. That will be a big step. Also, my brother Mike is trying to help me get my name in with the Department of Transportation, just in case all else fails.
I’m still worried about my grades for the 3 classes I’m taking. In one class, I performed rather poorly on the midterm (by my standards, at least), in another class, I have several assignments to catch up on, and the last class has been alright. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep the grades high enough to maintain a GPA over 3.2 so that I’ll be able to graduate with honors and not have wasted all that time on the thesis. My GPA, as it stands, lingers just above that threshold.
The last thing worth mentioning is my recent breakup with Laura. It happened three days ago, mainly the result of my lack of trust in her. I had noticed a change in her disposition toward me and then discovered that she was still not over the emotional baggage of her previous relationship. This, combined with certain grievances that I had accrued over the course of the relationship, led me to make the decision. Besides, it had occurred to me that I was in a motivational rut, as discussed in the previous entry, owing much to Laura. The love that blinded me from Laura’s problems had blinded me from my own, and the inertia had been crippling. As a result of all this, breaking up was painful but not difficult, since I knew all along that I had been ignoring many things because of the relationship. Hopefully, now I can pick up the pieces of my life and move on, gaining positive momentum to push me through the end of my last semester of college.
I will not pretend that the single life has been easy over these past few days. I had been getting used to having someone who was always there for me. However, being with Laura had somehow made me more insecure about myself and nihilistic in my outlook on life. Perhaps it was partly due to the influence of her own emotional turmoil and unstable personality. Perhaps it was partly due to my lack of forward thinking and abundance of willing self-distraction at a time when a crossroads was, and is, near. In any case, it will undoubtedly take me a while to get back to where I once had been. It doesn’t help that I haven’t been single since high school. As such, I haven’t had much of a chance for the solitary introspection necessary to put my values into perspective. At this critical point in my life, it is therefore a very beneficial idea for me to be single, I think. While I miss Laura and the security of a steady relationship, I have faith in myself - I just have to summon the optimism and objectivism that once dominated my personality. It is pure determination that will lead me to achievement.