My last day of being in a relationship XDD
Okay, so today, one of my best guy friends. my crazy Korean hyung Yoonsik called me, and he was talking to me about whether I really *was* breaking up with my boyfriend Alex, and why I wanted to, etc. He was just like "So he's just not the right guy?" and I realized that that was it. And he was telling me about how I once told him that it would be fun if I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with him and stuff, but now, I just want to break up with him...
I guess time changes a lot of things then. And we were talking about whether he would be all asshole-ish when I was done breaking up with him, and he was like "Who told you that?" And I told him that my friends Katherine and Katherine told me that he wouldn't be all mean and stuff, and he was like "So it's just because they say so?" and I was like "Well yeah, Katherine C's known him for over 10 years, she'd know." and he was like "So you're just doing it because she says so?" and I was like "Whaaa? I just think he won't be an asshole beause she says so, I'm not breaking up with him because she
says so" and he was like "Oh wow, I'm hearing things wrong."
You gotta love our Yoonsik-hyung :P
So then we were talking about whether I should wait, and I was like "Nah, I've been thinking about it for a long long time, so I don't think I should wait longer." And Yoonsik was telling me that we never even hug that much anymore, and I was like "It's just cause his German exchange student is here, and he always goes places with him after school." and then he was like "Well now that he's gone, shouldn't you wait?" and I was like, nah. I've always been getting that *feeling*, but the only difference between now and then is that I don't ignore it anymore. I dunno, I just don't want to lie to myself, and to him, cause that's just not right.
Yoonsik seemed to want to have a person to talk about it with, so he was asking me if he should tell anyone, so we settled on Oliver, one of Alex's friends - moody, but caring on the inside. In no way did we want to tell Frank. Tell Frank, and the WHOLE WORLD knows XDD I think...if Alex knows beforehand, it might make things better for *him*, but...I dunno if I want him to know. Dunno. I guess it all depends on whether Yoonsik tells Oliver whether he can tell Alex or not...and I trust Yoonsik's judgement, so I'll just leave it to him XDD I told him that he could talk about it with Katherine C if he wanted to, but he was like "How often do I call Katherine C and go "Hey, how're you doing? Blah blah blah" and I was thinking
"Looks like guys like having their guy friends know stuff too" XDD
In any case, Yoonsik actually thought that me, Katherine and Ann were actually going to ambush him, as in, all 3 of us, and tell him then, but I was like "No, no, no, Katherine and Ann will just talk to the trumpet players when he's out of his trumpet sectional, and only *I*
will be doing it" XD
Oh, Yoonsik :P
But I don't think I'll regret it, I've been getting that nagging feeling inside me since like....July, and I even have a pros and cons list I made on whether I should stay in this relationship or not. My brain's like "He's a good guy." but my gut's like "He's...just not the guy for you." and I think I'll be listening to my gut this time.
I just hope he won't get all depressed and stuff, cause when people do that, it's just *annoying*. Tomorrow, at 4:15 ish, when he's done his trumpet sectional, I'll just ask if I can talk to him in private and just do it.No wasting words, no tearful farewells, I'm just gonna be blunt about it. But not too blunt, or he'll get hurt. Good think I have my girlfriends to distract the others, or it'll be like when he asked me out...a bajillion people will be watching.
I'm not that sad though...I just feel so...queer. And curious. What will it feel like when I'm done? What will be going through Alex's head? How am I supposedto act afterwards? There are times where I just wish I could be psychic XD
But now, I'm fair game for Henry :P I don't have to feel bad thinking "I HAVE AN EFFING BOYFRIEND, WHY DO I LIKE HENRY?!" so I guess apart of me will feel better. I've actually felt a lot better ever sinceI decided to break up with Alex, cause then I just won't be lying to anyone anymore. I'm glad I told Katherine and Katherine...if I didn't
tell them, I'd probably still be trying to ignore it by now.
Anyway, wish me luck flist! Let's hope it all goes well tomorrow!~~