Fic [AI RPF]: Protected Realm (4/4) - Adam/Kris/Katy
Headers and notes in Chapter 1.
Series Master Post.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
CHAPTER FOUR
Stability, in Katy’s opinion, was something essential to all new relationships; a necessary condition that enabled them to grow.
It was also a luxury they didn’t have.
She kind of hated it; she could feel the hesitation in Adam’s actions, the lack of certainty in their boundaries. But she didn’t know what could be done about it - they’d already said what needed to be said, and she didn’t think one more conversation would make things any clearer. It was something they’d have to settle into, establish over time; the kind of thing that would only sink into their souls with its truth after they had lived it over and over. Until it became second nature.
There was no rule book for their relationship. Katy had always found comfort in the ability to turn to her parents or married friends for advice when necessary. But there were no successful threesomes that they could look at and learn from, no precedent; only them feeling their way as they went along. Sometimes she longed for someone to talk to about it - someone who wasn’t Kris or Adam, who could provide an outsider’s perspective. She wished she could tell her mom it wasn’t so bad when Kris was out of town now, because sometimes Adam was there. Or how much worse it was when they were both gone.
The lack of guidance frightened her sometimes - she was a planner, she liked to examine possibilities and anticipate problems so they could be avoided. But in so many ways they were flying blind, and while her mind had no trouble conjuring up potential problems, it was more difficult to discover solutions.
Some days she would get online and research; just because they didn’t know any threesomes didn’t mean they didn’t exist, after all. And the internet was safely anonymous. But searching for the things she was looking for was hazardous - there was inevitably a lot of porn and explicit content that made her feel dirty as soon as she saw it. That wasn’t them; it wasn’t about getting off, being kinky, or anything sordid.
Even when she managed to find a couple of message boards that dealt seriously with ménage à trois relationships, she didn’t find much applicable information. The relationship between she, Kris, and Adam was unique in many ways; they weren’t part of any scene, they were built on a preexisting, committed relationship. Though there were a few like them, most of the information she just couldn’t see as relevant.
They were on their own. Although Katy felt that on the whole they were doing a good job with what they had, Adam never seemed quite settled. He never really lost that hesitance, the uncertainty that he would be welcomed; never quit glancing at her as if he needed permission.
She did notice that he didn't behave that way towards Kris, however - never acted as though he wasn’t allowed to have her. She wasn’t sure why that was - if it was because he didn’t want her the same way, if he didn’t expect Kris to be threatened by him, or if Kris had somehow been able to convince Adam that he didn’t mind.
She wished she could persuade Adam that she didn’t mind, but knew it wouldn’t be strictly true. Kris’ face would light up at the sight of Adam, in a way it used to only do for her. Adam’s attention always gravitated towards Kris like a compass swings north. There were times when she just couldn’t suppress the jealousy - though whether it was of Adam or of Kris, she wasn’t certain.
And yet, she still loved seeing them together. Kris’ face had always been transparently expressive, a characteristic she’d protected zealously in high school. His unguardedness was treasured by her, and she hadn’t been about to let high school jocks tease it out of him.
The way he looked at Adam, with so much warmth and affection, had always made her smile. Sure, there had been hero worship in the beginning, which had just been cute; but it had settled into a deep friendship and love, a total comfort. Kris liked - loved - a lot of people, but Adam was different. Adam was the exception to many things.
But most precious to her was the way Adam looked at Kris. There was an awe present in his face, a wonder, every time he looked at her husband. An expression that told her Adam knew the value of Kris’ love, and treasured it as she did. Yet it always seemed as if it were a surprise to him, like he couldn’t understand where it came from or how long it would last.
Katy longed for the day that he would.
***
Katy looked up from the lettuce she was shredding when she heard the front door open. Adam’s dark head appeared through the door, and she smiled. “Hey!” she called happily, wiping her hands on a towel before stepping away from the counter. “How was your day?”
There was a thump as Adam dropped his bag on the floor. “Fabulous,” he said flatly.
She frowned as she stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. He returned it perfunctorily, and she pursed her brows together. “What happened?”
He sighed and went to the fridge, pulling out a beer before plopping down in a chair at the table. “Nothing. Just a lot of meetings.”
“You were going over tour stuff today, right?” She kept her gaze on him as she walked back to the kitchen counter.
“Yeah.”
Her eyebrows rose a little at the non-answer, but she didn’t press, instead returning her attention to the salad she had abandoned.
Adam’s phone rang, and he muttered a curse as he pulled it from his pocket and answered. He exchanged terse words with the person on the other end, then hung up, setting his phone down with a clatter.
“Where’s Kris?”
“At rehearsal still.” She began dicing a tomato. “They had some technical issues so it ran over.”
“Figures,” Adam muttered, and Katy put down the knife and walked over to him.
“Hey,” she said softly, sliding her hands along his shoulders and kneading gently. “Please tell me what’s the matter.”
He remained tense for a moment, then released a long breath and slumped back in the chair. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal. Just too much drama over one tour.” He ran a tired hand over his face.
“Want to talk about it?” she offered, taking her hand and running it through his hair. He was wearing it down, and the long strands flowed smoothly between her fingers. “I don’t mind listening to you vent.”
He unwound further, head rolling back against her while she continued to stroke his head. “No, s’okay,” he said, eyes drifting shut. “It’s nothing. I’m just letting the pressure get to me.”
She didn’t push further, instead just rubbing her fingers gently through his hair, feeling him grow relaxed and pliant. Several minutes went by before he pushed away and said, too cheerful, “So, what’s for dinner?”
*
Adam had gone through three beers before dinner was half over. By the time they had finished and moved to the couch, he’d become maudlin, and was leaning heavily on Kris, head resting on Kris’ shoulder.
Kris shot Katy a questioning look over Adam’s head, but she just frowned and shrugged back. Reaching out, she took Adam’s hand in hers, stroking the long fingers. His hand tightened in hers, his rings pressing almost painfully.
She had to try once more. “Adam, please tell us what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing!” Adam snapped, yanking his hand away. “God, Katy, can’t I just be in a bad mood? I don’t push you when you’re PMSing.”
Katy recoiled a bit and exchanged a shocked look with Kris, while Adam pressed himself tighter to her husband’s side.
“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” Kris said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him closer. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
Katy pulled her lip in with a frown, more than a little irritated. Sitting stiffly, she felt awkward, but knew that leaving would come across as pique.
The air was tense for several moments before Adam muttered, “I need to go home.” He pushed himself up from the couch, not looking at either of them. “Thanks for dinner.”
Katy glared at the door as it shut behind him, but couldn’t hold back the concerned question: “Will he be okay to drive?”
Kris chewed on his lip, gaze fixed on the door. “Yeah, he should be fine. He’s got a pretty high tolerance.”
She snorted. “For alcohol, maybe.” With her immediate fears eased, anger was the forefront emotion.
Kris glanced over at her. “I’m sorry he spoke to you like that.”
She waved a hand. “Don’t apologize for him, Kris. He’s an adult, regardless of how little he acts like it; he can apologize himself.”
“Something must have been bugging him.”
Katy blinked at him. “You think?” she asked, sarcastic. “Why do you think I asked him about it?”
He gave a half smile. “He doesn’t like being pushed. He’ll talk about it if and when he wants to.”
“Of course.” Katy crossed her arms. “You would know, since you’re his best friend and everything.”
“Katy-”
“Stop.” She rubbed her face with both her hands. “I’m going to bed.” She turned and left the room.
*
She didn’t feel any better by the time she climbed into the enormous bed, the additional space making her feel small, invisible. She curled up a little tighter when she felt Kris climb in behind her.
“Katy.” Kris’ voice was soft, as was his touch on her shoulder. “I’m sorry if it felt like I was taking Adam’s side. I didn’t mean to.”
She took a deep breath, trying to untangle all the emotions inside of her. It was difficult to separate which ones were directed at Kris, and which at Adam. She didn’t want to go to sleep angry; she and Kris had promised never to do that, and if they hadn’t been entirely successful in the past, she at least wanted to make the effort.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she replied, and felt some of the anger lift, if not the hurt. She turned over to face Kris. “I’m mad at Adam, really, and I took it out on you.” She didn’t care to look too closely at all of the reasons for that.
He reached out and wove their fingers together. “I understand,” he said. “And in the interest of not taking sides, I think that’s all I’ll say.”
She had to smile a little. “Thanks,” she whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
*
She didn’t sleep well, and there was a heaviness in her chest when she woke, the kind of thick weight that made it hard to breathe.
Kris left early, for another day at rehearsals, and she found herself wandering aimlessly through their home; going from room to room without any sense of purpose. Her mind wouldn’t focus, drifting from the fight with Adam to the emptiness of the house. She felt isolated in a way she hadn’t since the previous year, when Kris had been away on tour.
She clenched her hands into fists, fighting off the encroaching loneliness. Touring would be different this time, she told herself; she would be allowed to go along, she wouldn’t have to go weeks between the occasions when she could see her husband. It wouldn’t be as big, as demanding, as insane.
But the idea of a tour brought all those old feelings back, the fight with Adam only serving to make them more powerful.
Her mind returned to Adam, and she wondered if she should be the one to extend the olive branch and apologize. Or would that be interpreted as pushing him again? What if he just wanted her to leave him alone?
Frustrated, she turned to the kitchen that she’d been too upset to clean the night before. Kris had put the pans in the sink to soak, and she felt a little of the tension unwind as she took in the thoughtful gesture.
She was almost done when she heard a knock. Drying her hands quickly, she went to the door, opening it to find Adam on the other side.
“Hi,” she said, a little guarded, but stepped back to let him in.
“Hi.” Adam entered, and she shut the door before turning to him.
“Kris isn’t here.”
“I know.” His hands were behind his back, and he glanced at the floor before looking up to meet her eyes. “I came to apologize. I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you last night. You didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry.” His voice was soft; eyes serious and sad.
She looked up at him, gauging his sincerity. “I’m sorry I pushed you,” she whispered, feeling the upset welling in her chest again. “I just wanted to help.” Her throat closed up.
“Oh Katy babe, I know,” he said, and then his arms were around her, and she breathed him in, chest shuddering. “Shh. I shouldn’t have said those things to you. Thank you for caring so much about me.”
She closed her eyes, feeling a couple of tears squeeze out, before taking a deep breath and recovering. Adam’s hand stroked down her hair and back, soothing her.
“Are you… feeling better today?” she asked, unsure if he would get defensive again.
His hand never stopped its slow rhythm. “Yes. The tour was just starting to stress me out.” His hands tightened on her a little. “I’m trying to focus on the good and the fun things now, and not think about the stressful parts.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Stressing doesn’t help, it just makes me hurt people I care about.”
“Okay,” she whispered, and hugged him again. She knew she was only getting the vaguest of explanations, and wished that he would be more open with her; would allow her to help. It felt like she was always on the outside of the connection he shared with Kris, and the knowledge hurt her more than she cared to acknowledge.
Large hands came up to cup her face, and she leaned back. His thumbs brushed the tear tracks from her cheeks, slate blue eyes gentle as they took in her face. Then he leaned down and kissed her forehead, lips soft against her skin.
Part of her wanted to resist, still wounded by his exclusion. But when he pulled her to his chest again she melted into him, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his shirt, while his arms surrounded her with strength and affection. Her breath hitched a little; she wanted this from him so much, yet couldn’t ignore how much of himself he was holding back.
After a long moment he pulled away, and stroked her face once more before reaching up to take her hands in his. He gave her a crooked smile and kissed her fingers before letting their hands drop. “Are we okay?”
She studied his face for a moment, not honestly sure. And yet, she knew that changing their relationship was going to take more than this one conversation; she would have to win his trust before the real issue could ever be resolved. For now, she would work with what she was given.
“Yeah, we’re okay,” she said, and pulled up a saucy grin. “I’ll just be sure to be bitchy to you next time I’m PMSing.”
A laugh burst from Adam, a joyful sound that made her smile for real. “Fair enough,” he agreed, eyes still crinkled at the corners.
She grinned back, feeling somewhat lighter. “Now go. I’m sure you’re already late for wherever you’re supposed to be.”
“It was worth it.” He bent to kiss her, swiftly. “I’ll see you tonight.”
***
Katy stared down at the calendar in front of her, the squares marked off with red, blue, or - for most of them - both. Part of her wanted to double-check the schedules she’d printed out, but she knew she had it right.
She scanned the month, then flipped to the next one, and the next, looking for the white squares that would signify a day off for both Kris and Adam. There were alarmingly few, aside from a five-day break about six weeks in. And never more than two days off in a row for either of them.
She tamped down the sense of foreboding that was rising in her stomach. It was a long time to be apart from each other, but they could do it. She and Kris had done it the previous summer…
She closed her eyes against the thought, instinctive dread curling in her. They had done it, but it had been misery, and the hardest thing she’d ever done.
Taking a deep breath, she returned to the schedules, writing the city down in each calendar square. Surely there were days where it wouldn’t be too difficult to jump a plane and visit. She was determined to find some.
*
An hour later, she sat back in defeat. When Kris was in Philadelphia, Adam was in Phoenix. If Adam was in Denver, Kris was in Orlando. They would both be in California at the same time - but during a hectic week that Katy knew would be crammed with publicity. She hugged herself a little. There were phone calls, and texting, and Skype, they could see each other every day if they wanted. They would survive; there was nothing else to be done.
She heard a key in the door, and quickly closed the calendar.
***
The day of his first concert, Adam felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. Energy buzzed in his fingertips, a jones that would only be satisfied by the crowd; yet his stomach turned with anxiety, as he wondered if Kris and Katy would make it to the venue on time.
He didn’t have much opportunity to dwell on it, finding himself shuffled from one interview to the next, then soundcheck, then meet and greets. But it didn’t stop his subconscious from knowing, from tying his body in knots and whispering fear in his mind: What if they can't get away? What if their flight gets delayed?
What if we don't get to say goodbye?
They hadn’t spoken much of the impending separation, steadfastly ignoring the growing tension, Kris insisting they would be at his first show. Adam had known that such denial was probably bad, but had gone along with it, willing to ignore the painful reality for as long as possible. But now, he couldn’t stop thinking about all the things left undefined, of their last night together that they’d all tried desperately to pretend was normal.
He bolted from hair and makeup, halfway done, to take in the first part of Allison’s set. It was still daylight, and the seats were half empty, but the audience gave her a warm welcome anyway. For several wonderful minutes he let himself go in his hermana’s music, reveling in the sense of pride and admiration he felt for her, before Lane was tapping his shoulder and insisting that he return to makeup.
It was there that the door opened and his lovers stepped in, tiny and perfect and smiling big and warm; he could cry from the relief of it, wanted to kiss them, and if it had only been two days how would he feel after two weeks? But there was no time for dramatics, so he hugged them tight and exclaimed over them for a moment before being forced back into the chair again.
Something unclenched after that, and when he stepped onstage, all he could feel was the rush of performing. It was the moment he’d dreamed of, prepared for, pursued all those years: headlining his own tour, with his own music, his own vision, playing to a sold-out crowd who was loving every moment. He couldn’t see Kris or Katy from the stage, but he knew roughly where they were, and the simple knowledge of their presence poured joy on top of joy.
It was an inundation of emotion, overwhelming even in a way that Idol wasn’t, and he was high on adrenaline, arousal, love and music and success by the time he completed his second encore. Backstage was the best mob ever, and when Kris attacked him with a giant hug, he was hard pressed to not push him against the wall and bring their mutual high to a catalyst. Kris’ mouth brushed his ear: “I want you so bad right now.”
His voice was low and gravely from shouting, and Adam groaned, cock pulsing as he struggled to not let his desire show on his face. He couldn’t resist pressing his lips to Kris’ head, but then forced himself to let go. He turned to Katy, who was watching them with flushed cheeks, and wrapped her in a tight hug. “How long can you stay?”
She returned it, clinging just a little. “We have to leave for the airport in an hour,” she said, voice tight, and Adam felt his breath catch at how little time they had left.
Then there was a tap on his shoulder, pulling him away, and he realized that there was really no time at all.
Master Post
Art Post
Series Master Post.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
CHAPTER FOUR
Stability, in Katy’s opinion, was something essential to all new relationships; a necessary condition that enabled them to grow.
It was also a luxury they didn’t have.
She kind of hated it; she could feel the hesitation in Adam’s actions, the lack of certainty in their boundaries. But she didn’t know what could be done about it - they’d already said what needed to be said, and she didn’t think one more conversation would make things any clearer. It was something they’d have to settle into, establish over time; the kind of thing that would only sink into their souls with its truth after they had lived it over and over. Until it became second nature.
There was no rule book for their relationship. Katy had always found comfort in the ability to turn to her parents or married friends for advice when necessary. But there were no successful threesomes that they could look at and learn from, no precedent; only them feeling their way as they went along. Sometimes she longed for someone to talk to about it - someone who wasn’t Kris or Adam, who could provide an outsider’s perspective. She wished she could tell her mom it wasn’t so bad when Kris was out of town now, because sometimes Adam was there. Or how much worse it was when they were both gone.
The lack of guidance frightened her sometimes - she was a planner, she liked to examine possibilities and anticipate problems so they could be avoided. But in so many ways they were flying blind, and while her mind had no trouble conjuring up potential problems, it was more difficult to discover solutions.
Some days she would get online and research; just because they didn’t know any threesomes didn’t mean they didn’t exist, after all. And the internet was safely anonymous. But searching for the things she was looking for was hazardous - there was inevitably a lot of porn and explicit content that made her feel dirty as soon as she saw it. That wasn’t them; it wasn’t about getting off, being kinky, or anything sordid.
Even when she managed to find a couple of message boards that dealt seriously with ménage à trois relationships, she didn’t find much applicable information. The relationship between she, Kris, and Adam was unique in many ways; they weren’t part of any scene, they were built on a preexisting, committed relationship. Though there were a few like them, most of the information she just couldn’t see as relevant.
They were on their own. Although Katy felt that on the whole they were doing a good job with what they had, Adam never seemed quite settled. He never really lost that hesitance, the uncertainty that he would be welcomed; never quit glancing at her as if he needed permission.
She did notice that he didn't behave that way towards Kris, however - never acted as though he wasn’t allowed to have her. She wasn’t sure why that was - if it was because he didn’t want her the same way, if he didn’t expect Kris to be threatened by him, or if Kris had somehow been able to convince Adam that he didn’t mind.
She wished she could persuade Adam that she didn’t mind, but knew it wouldn’t be strictly true. Kris’ face would light up at the sight of Adam, in a way it used to only do for her. Adam’s attention always gravitated towards Kris like a compass swings north. There were times when she just couldn’t suppress the jealousy - though whether it was of Adam or of Kris, she wasn’t certain.
And yet, she still loved seeing them together. Kris’ face had always been transparently expressive, a characteristic she’d protected zealously in high school. His unguardedness was treasured by her, and she hadn’t been about to let high school jocks tease it out of him.
The way he looked at Adam, with so much warmth and affection, had always made her smile. Sure, there had been hero worship in the beginning, which had just been cute; but it had settled into a deep friendship and love, a total comfort. Kris liked - loved - a lot of people, but Adam was different. Adam was the exception to many things.
But most precious to her was the way Adam looked at Kris. There was an awe present in his face, a wonder, every time he looked at her husband. An expression that told her Adam knew the value of Kris’ love, and treasured it as she did. Yet it always seemed as if it were a surprise to him, like he couldn’t understand where it came from or how long it would last.
Katy longed for the day that he would.
***
Katy looked up from the lettuce she was shredding when she heard the front door open. Adam’s dark head appeared through the door, and she smiled. “Hey!” she called happily, wiping her hands on a towel before stepping away from the counter. “How was your day?”
There was a thump as Adam dropped his bag on the floor. “Fabulous,” he said flatly.
She frowned as she stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. He returned it perfunctorily, and she pursed her brows together. “What happened?”
He sighed and went to the fridge, pulling out a beer before plopping down in a chair at the table. “Nothing. Just a lot of meetings.”
“You were going over tour stuff today, right?” She kept her gaze on him as she walked back to the kitchen counter.
“Yeah.”
Her eyebrows rose a little at the non-answer, but she didn’t press, instead returning her attention to the salad she had abandoned.
Adam’s phone rang, and he muttered a curse as he pulled it from his pocket and answered. He exchanged terse words with the person on the other end, then hung up, setting his phone down with a clatter.
“Where’s Kris?”
“At rehearsal still.” She began dicing a tomato. “They had some technical issues so it ran over.”
“Figures,” Adam muttered, and Katy put down the knife and walked over to him.
“Hey,” she said softly, sliding her hands along his shoulders and kneading gently. “Please tell me what’s the matter.”
He remained tense for a moment, then released a long breath and slumped back in the chair. “No, I’m sorry. It’s not a big deal. Just too much drama over one tour.” He ran a tired hand over his face.
“Want to talk about it?” she offered, taking her hand and running it through his hair. He was wearing it down, and the long strands flowed smoothly between her fingers. “I don’t mind listening to you vent.”
He unwound further, head rolling back against her while she continued to stroke his head. “No, s’okay,” he said, eyes drifting shut. “It’s nothing. I’m just letting the pressure get to me.”
She didn’t push further, instead just rubbing her fingers gently through his hair, feeling him grow relaxed and pliant. Several minutes went by before he pushed away and said, too cheerful, “So, what’s for dinner?”
*
Adam had gone through three beers before dinner was half over. By the time they had finished and moved to the couch, he’d become maudlin, and was leaning heavily on Kris, head resting on Kris’ shoulder.
Kris shot Katy a questioning look over Adam’s head, but she just frowned and shrugged back. Reaching out, she took Adam’s hand in hers, stroking the long fingers. His hand tightened in hers, his rings pressing almost painfully.
She had to try once more. “Adam, please tell us what’s wrong.”
“It’s nothing!” Adam snapped, yanking his hand away. “God, Katy, can’t I just be in a bad mood? I don’t push you when you’re PMSing.”
Katy recoiled a bit and exchanged a shocked look with Kris, while Adam pressed himself tighter to her husband’s side.
“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” Kris said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him closer. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
Katy pulled her lip in with a frown, more than a little irritated. Sitting stiffly, she felt awkward, but knew that leaving would come across as pique.
The air was tense for several moments before Adam muttered, “I need to go home.” He pushed himself up from the couch, not looking at either of them. “Thanks for dinner.”
Katy glared at the door as it shut behind him, but couldn’t hold back the concerned question: “Will he be okay to drive?”
Kris chewed on his lip, gaze fixed on the door. “Yeah, he should be fine. He’s got a pretty high tolerance.”
She snorted. “For alcohol, maybe.” With her immediate fears eased, anger was the forefront emotion.
Kris glanced over at her. “I’m sorry he spoke to you like that.”
She waved a hand. “Don’t apologize for him, Kris. He’s an adult, regardless of how little he acts like it; he can apologize himself.”
“Something must have been bugging him.”
Katy blinked at him. “You think?” she asked, sarcastic. “Why do you think I asked him about it?”
He gave a half smile. “He doesn’t like being pushed. He’ll talk about it if and when he wants to.”
“Of course.” Katy crossed her arms. “You would know, since you’re his best friend and everything.”
“Katy-”
“Stop.” She rubbed her face with both her hands. “I’m going to bed.” She turned and left the room.
*
She didn’t feel any better by the time she climbed into the enormous bed, the additional space making her feel small, invisible. She curled up a little tighter when she felt Kris climb in behind her.
“Katy.” Kris’ voice was soft, as was his touch on her shoulder. “I’m sorry if it felt like I was taking Adam’s side. I didn’t mean to.”
She took a deep breath, trying to untangle all the emotions inside of her. It was difficult to separate which ones were directed at Kris, and which at Adam. She didn’t want to go to sleep angry; she and Kris had promised never to do that, and if they hadn’t been entirely successful in the past, she at least wanted to make the effort.
“I’m sorry I snapped at you,” she replied, and felt some of the anger lift, if not the hurt. She turned over to face Kris. “I’m mad at Adam, really, and I took it out on you.” She didn’t care to look too closely at all of the reasons for that.
He reached out and wove their fingers together. “I understand,” he said. “And in the interest of not taking sides, I think that’s all I’ll say.”
She had to smile a little. “Thanks,” she whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
*
She didn’t sleep well, and there was a heaviness in her chest when she woke, the kind of thick weight that made it hard to breathe.
Kris left early, for another day at rehearsals, and she found herself wandering aimlessly through their home; going from room to room without any sense of purpose. Her mind wouldn’t focus, drifting from the fight with Adam to the emptiness of the house. She felt isolated in a way she hadn’t since the previous year, when Kris had been away on tour.
She clenched her hands into fists, fighting off the encroaching loneliness. Touring would be different this time, she told herself; she would be allowed to go along, she wouldn’t have to go weeks between the occasions when she could see her husband. It wouldn’t be as big, as demanding, as insane.
But the idea of a tour brought all those old feelings back, the fight with Adam only serving to make them more powerful.
Her mind returned to Adam, and she wondered if she should be the one to extend the olive branch and apologize. Or would that be interpreted as pushing him again? What if he just wanted her to leave him alone?
Frustrated, she turned to the kitchen that she’d been too upset to clean the night before. Kris had put the pans in the sink to soak, and she felt a little of the tension unwind as she took in the thoughtful gesture.
She was almost done when she heard a knock. Drying her hands quickly, she went to the door, opening it to find Adam on the other side.
“Hi,” she said, a little guarded, but stepped back to let him in.
“Hi.” Adam entered, and she shut the door before turning to him.
“Kris isn’t here.”
“I know.” His hands were behind his back, and he glanced at the floor before looking up to meet her eyes. “I came to apologize. I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you last night. You didn’t deserve it and I’m sorry.” His voice was soft; eyes serious and sad.
She looked up at him, gauging his sincerity. “I’m sorry I pushed you,” she whispered, feeling the upset welling in her chest again. “I just wanted to help.” Her throat closed up.
“Oh Katy babe, I know,” he said, and then his arms were around her, and she breathed him in, chest shuddering. “Shh. I shouldn’t have said those things to you. Thank you for caring so much about me.”
She closed her eyes, feeling a couple of tears squeeze out, before taking a deep breath and recovering. Adam’s hand stroked down her hair and back, soothing her.
“Are you… feeling better today?” she asked, unsure if he would get defensive again.
His hand never stopped its slow rhythm. “Yes. The tour was just starting to stress me out.” His hands tightened on her a little. “I’m trying to focus on the good and the fun things now, and not think about the stressful parts.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Stressing doesn’t help, it just makes me hurt people I care about.”
“Okay,” she whispered, and hugged him again. She knew she was only getting the vaguest of explanations, and wished that he would be more open with her; would allow her to help. It felt like she was always on the outside of the connection he shared with Kris, and the knowledge hurt her more than she cared to acknowledge.
Large hands came up to cup her face, and she leaned back. His thumbs brushed the tear tracks from her cheeks, slate blue eyes gentle as they took in her face. Then he leaned down and kissed her forehead, lips soft against her skin.
Part of her wanted to resist, still wounded by his exclusion. But when he pulled her to his chest again she melted into him, closing her eyes and pressing her face into his shirt, while his arms surrounded her with strength and affection. Her breath hitched a little; she wanted this from him so much, yet couldn’t ignore how much of himself he was holding back.
After a long moment he pulled away, and stroked her face once more before reaching up to take her hands in his. He gave her a crooked smile and kissed her fingers before letting their hands drop. “Are we okay?”
She studied his face for a moment, not honestly sure. And yet, she knew that changing their relationship was going to take more than this one conversation; she would have to win his trust before the real issue could ever be resolved. For now, she would work with what she was given.
“Yeah, we’re okay,” she said, and pulled up a saucy grin. “I’ll just be sure to be bitchy to you next time I’m PMSing.”
A laugh burst from Adam, a joyful sound that made her smile for real. “Fair enough,” he agreed, eyes still crinkled at the corners.
She grinned back, feeling somewhat lighter. “Now go. I’m sure you’re already late for wherever you’re supposed to be.”
“It was worth it.” He bent to kiss her, swiftly. “I’ll see you tonight.”
***
Katy stared down at the calendar in front of her, the squares marked off with red, blue, or - for most of them - both. Part of her wanted to double-check the schedules she’d printed out, but she knew she had it right.
She scanned the month, then flipped to the next one, and the next, looking for the white squares that would signify a day off for both Kris and Adam. There were alarmingly few, aside from a five-day break about six weeks in. And never more than two days off in a row for either of them.
She tamped down the sense of foreboding that was rising in her stomach. It was a long time to be apart from each other, but they could do it. She and Kris had done it the previous summer…
She closed her eyes against the thought, instinctive dread curling in her. They had done it, but it had been misery, and the hardest thing she’d ever done.
Taking a deep breath, she returned to the schedules, writing the city down in each calendar square. Surely there were days where it wouldn’t be too difficult to jump a plane and visit. She was determined to find some.
*
An hour later, she sat back in defeat. When Kris was in Philadelphia, Adam was in Phoenix. If Adam was in Denver, Kris was in Orlando. They would both be in California at the same time - but during a hectic week that Katy knew would be crammed with publicity. She hugged herself a little. There were phone calls, and texting, and Skype, they could see each other every day if they wanted. They would survive; there was nothing else to be done.
She heard a key in the door, and quickly closed the calendar.
***
The day of his first concert, Adam felt like he was going to jump out of his skin. Energy buzzed in his fingertips, a jones that would only be satisfied by the crowd; yet his stomach turned with anxiety, as he wondered if Kris and Katy would make it to the venue on time.
He didn’t have much opportunity to dwell on it, finding himself shuffled from one interview to the next, then soundcheck, then meet and greets. But it didn’t stop his subconscious from knowing, from tying his body in knots and whispering fear in his mind: What if they can't get away? What if their flight gets delayed?
What if we don't get to say goodbye?
They hadn’t spoken much of the impending separation, steadfastly ignoring the growing tension, Kris insisting they would be at his first show. Adam had known that such denial was probably bad, but had gone along with it, willing to ignore the painful reality for as long as possible. But now, he couldn’t stop thinking about all the things left undefined, of their last night together that they’d all tried desperately to pretend was normal.
He bolted from hair and makeup, halfway done, to take in the first part of Allison’s set. It was still daylight, and the seats were half empty, but the audience gave her a warm welcome anyway. For several wonderful minutes he let himself go in his hermana’s music, reveling in the sense of pride and admiration he felt for her, before Lane was tapping his shoulder and insisting that he return to makeup.
It was there that the door opened and his lovers stepped in, tiny and perfect and smiling big and warm; he could cry from the relief of it, wanted to kiss them, and if it had only been two days how would he feel after two weeks? But there was no time for dramatics, so he hugged them tight and exclaimed over them for a moment before being forced back into the chair again.
Something unclenched after that, and when he stepped onstage, all he could feel was the rush of performing. It was the moment he’d dreamed of, prepared for, pursued all those years: headlining his own tour, with his own music, his own vision, playing to a sold-out crowd who was loving every moment. He couldn’t see Kris or Katy from the stage, but he knew roughly where they were, and the simple knowledge of their presence poured joy on top of joy.
It was an inundation of emotion, overwhelming even in a way that Idol wasn’t, and he was high on adrenaline, arousal, love and music and success by the time he completed his second encore. Backstage was the best mob ever, and when Kris attacked him with a giant hug, he was hard pressed to not push him against the wall and bring their mutual high to a catalyst. Kris’ mouth brushed his ear: “I want you so bad right now.”
His voice was low and gravely from shouting, and Adam groaned, cock pulsing as he struggled to not let his desire show on his face. He couldn’t resist pressing his lips to Kris’ head, but then forced himself to let go. He turned to Katy, who was watching them with flushed cheeks, and wrapped her in a tight hug. “How long can you stay?”
She returned it, clinging just a little. “We have to leave for the airport in an hour,” she said, voice tight, and Adam felt his breath catch at how little time they had left.
Then there was a tap on his shoulder, pulling him away, and he realized that there was really no time at all.
Master Post
Art Post