here we go.
lately i haven't been as happy as i usually am, but i doubt anyone notices, unless you read my journal, you probably think i'm a depressed, overreacting, self-loathing teenager who complains too much and needs help, which i don't think i am.
it's mostly my fault. it always seems like it's my fault, but it probably usually is. when i talk to someone and it doesn't seem like they want to talk to me i automatically think they hate me or they have better things to do and it makes me feel used or i feel like i waste their time and it makes me feel bad. this isn't completely the problem but i can't really put into words how i feel. it just sucks. i dont really feel like i can trust a lot of people but i know i can, and i know i can trust one person, i guess he's just easy to talk to or something. he hasn't been on for like a week and it sucks even more. i just don't want to trust anyone. i've been so 'emotional' lately but i can't help it. i hate when people cut me off when i'm in the middle of a sentence, even though i probably do it all the time. and when i try to talk to people i can't tell them everything and everyone thinks i'm overreacting, which i probably am because i always do. i can't help it and i feel so hopeless and useless. i really hate how people read this and think i'm complaining too much, which i do, i admit, but i just feel like saying it. blah. i always have to IM people to start the conversation. i guess someone else IMing me first is wayyy too much to ask. but sometimes i don't, and it makes me feel good. why do i even bother with anything and hope for something good to happen. it seems like nothing ever good does happen anyway, and i don't think anything good will happen anytime soon.
today i was so drained, i felt physically and mentally exhausted, and i was just in a bad mood. i got over it in the middle of the day but it came back and i'm thinking about it again. he probably didn't even do anything wrong it's probably just me thinking too much and overreacting. i annoy myself so much all the time also.
and don't think i don't think about things enough, because i think way too much. why can't i just be normal and not think about the little pointless things that upset me. like when anonymous people make comments about me in my journal which i know aren't true, but i'm afraid people think they are. which is so stupid because i shouldn't care what other people think. whatever. i should get over this in time i guess. sorry about everything. I DO NOT WANT SYMPATHY. (when i say i don't want sympathy i actually do, but it doesn't help so don't give me any. seriously.) i just need helpppppppppppppp or something or someone. who knows. i don't care. who cares about all this anyway, why do i waste my time writing in this? maybe it helps me feel better or something. but it doesn't work because i only feel worse. maybe friends only or no more journal. and you don't have to tell me not to delete just to make me think someone actually sits down and reads this because they are interseted in my life. i think i'm giving up. naahhhh maybe not.>
also, don't tell me to ''stop trying to be trendy'' because i wear what i WANT to wear and i wear what i like. i don't go into a store and ask myself, ''hmmm what can i wear to make people think i'm cool and trendy?!'' no. i don't do that, and if you think i do, that's dumb because you have no reason to and you didn't even give me a reason why you think i try to be. i am who i am and if you don't like it then that sucks. sorry that was corny but WHATEVER I DON'T CARE I'M DONE WITH THIS ENTRY.
it's mostly my fault. it always seems like it's my fault, but it probably usually is. when i talk to someone and it doesn't seem like they want to talk to me i automatically think they hate me or they have better things to do and it makes me feel used or i feel like i waste their time and it makes me feel bad. this isn't completely the problem but i can't really put into words how i feel. it just sucks. i dont really feel like i can trust a lot of people but i know i can, and i know i can trust one person, i guess he's just easy to talk to or something. he hasn't been on for like a week and it sucks even more. i just don't want to trust anyone. i've been so 'emotional' lately but i can't help it. i hate when people cut me off when i'm in the middle of a sentence, even though i probably do it all the time. and when i try to talk to people i can't tell them everything and everyone thinks i'm overreacting, which i probably am because i always do. i can't help it and i feel so hopeless and useless. i really hate how people read this and think i'm complaining too much, which i do, i admit, but i just feel like saying it. blah. i always have to IM people to start the conversation. i guess someone else IMing me first is wayyy too much to ask. but sometimes i don't, and it makes me feel good. why do i even bother with anything and hope for something good to happen. it seems like nothing ever good does happen anyway, and i don't think anything good will happen anytime soon.
today i was so drained, i felt physically and mentally exhausted, and i was just in a bad mood. i got over it in the middle of the day but it came back and i'm thinking about it again. he probably didn't even do anything wrong it's probably just me thinking too much and overreacting. i annoy myself so much all the time also.
and don't think i don't think about things enough, because i think way too much. why can't i just be normal and not think about the little pointless things that upset me. like when anonymous people make comments about me in my journal which i know aren't true, but i'm afraid people think they are. which is so stupid because i shouldn't care what other people think. whatever. i should get over this in time i guess. sorry about everything. I DO NOT WANT SYMPATHY. (when i say i don't want sympathy i actually do, but it doesn't help so don't give me any. seriously.) i just need helpppppppppppppp or something or someone. who knows. i don't care. who cares about all this anyway, why do i waste my time writing in this? maybe it helps me feel better or something. but it doesn't work because i only feel worse. maybe friends only or no more journal. and you don't have to tell me not to delete just to make me think someone actually sits down and reads this because they are interseted in my life. i think i'm giving up. naahhhh maybe not.>
also, don't tell me to ''stop trying to be trendy'' because i wear what i WANT to wear and i wear what i like. i don't go into a store and ask myself, ''hmmm what can i wear to make people think i'm cool and trendy?!'' no. i don't do that, and if you think i do, that's dumb because you have no reason to and you didn't even give me a reason why you think i try to be. i am who i am and if you don't like it then that sucks. sorry that was corny but WHATEVER I DON'T CARE I'M DONE WITH THIS ENTRY.