(no subject)
You know what's funny?
When you feel like shit and have to talk to your computer about it.
Because you treated people like garbage.
And then admitted it
And then didn't do anything about it because you're selfish and stupid.
And then you get treated like garbage.
And you still just have to talk to your computer. And wait for someone to read your stupid "journal" and comment over the internet about how they care so much and hope everythings okay and let you know if you want to talk you can
But if they're your friends, you feel way too guilty, whether you need the help or not
And if they aren't close to you...you figure, they're saying it to be nice and give you support when no one else will but they don't expect you to take them up on it cause they really cant manage another intimate friendship, especially if they arent in one with you as of now.
Or your friends read it and call you instead of leaving a comment because of above said statement, and you still feel too guilty and too strained to pick up the phone and explain it all to them. Because where does it get you, really? Oh so you're not in denial about how much life blows right now, so what? Does that change anything? No.
I need to stop being indecisive and passive, and fucking do something. Anything. I wish I could build something. Do hard labor out in the sun and break my body to create something. And then sit back and smoke a cigarette and have a glass of water, and not care that you're covered in dirt, because at least you can create. When we can manipulate what surrounds us we have control, and power. And when we know intimately all the details of what we want to manipulate, we can make it whatever we want it to be, or let it be whatever it can potentially become. You can't do that with people. I'm sick of caring...and trying...all it does is give people the wrong impression and the encouragement to use you.
With people, there is never an ultimate right thing. And when it's not right, it can be taken as wrong.
But with things, there may not be a right thing. And when it isn't right, because it can't be, it's just something. It is what it is. So what? It's yours.
I should shut the fuck up when I have nothing to say.
When you feel like shit and have to talk to your computer about it.
Because you treated people like garbage.
And then admitted it
And then didn't do anything about it because you're selfish and stupid.
And then you get treated like garbage.
And you still just have to talk to your computer. And wait for someone to read your stupid "journal" and comment over the internet about how they care so much and hope everythings okay and let you know if you want to talk you can
But if they're your friends, you feel way too guilty, whether you need the help or not
And if they aren't close to you...you figure, they're saying it to be nice and give you support when no one else will but they don't expect you to take them up on it cause they really cant manage another intimate friendship, especially if they arent in one with you as of now.
Or your friends read it and call you instead of leaving a comment because of above said statement, and you still feel too guilty and too strained to pick up the phone and explain it all to them. Because where does it get you, really? Oh so you're not in denial about how much life blows right now, so what? Does that change anything? No.
I need to stop being indecisive and passive, and fucking do something. Anything. I wish I could build something. Do hard labor out in the sun and break my body to create something. And then sit back and smoke a cigarette and have a glass of water, and not care that you're covered in dirt, because at least you can create. When we can manipulate what surrounds us we have control, and power. And when we know intimately all the details of what we want to manipulate, we can make it whatever we want it to be, or let it be whatever it can potentially become. You can't do that with people. I'm sick of caring...and trying...all it does is give people the wrong impression and the encouragement to use you.
With people, there is never an ultimate right thing. And when it's not right, it can be taken as wrong.
But with things, there may not be a right thing. And when it isn't right, because it can't be, it's just something. It is what it is. So what? It's yours.
I should shut the fuck up when I have nothing to say.