(no subject)
I'm sick of being me.
I'm sick of being "Steph, just Steph."
That's all I am. Some goofy ass girl that's not horrendous but not picture perfect, sometimes fun, sometimes a total cunt and a bore and a whiney bitch. I dated so and so, I hang out with so and so. I do everything for everyone that never deserves it. I'm generous. I'm just there. I'm not someone that people look for, or miss, or want around. I'm just expected.
I'm sick of my fucking reputation, and my fucking boring stupid life that is going absolutely nowhere. I'm sick of people saying that they're jealous of me when there's nothing to be jealous about. I seem carefree and i may seem like everyone's cool with me but it's really not true. I'm "just Steph." Good but not good enough for anyone. Fucking lame. I don't want to go to college and i don't want a job and I don't want to hang around anyone and i don't want to fucking do anything. I just want some small form of happiness. And i thought that maybe I could force it, but let's get realistic. For someone who's name is always preceded by "just" there isn't gonna be any simple pleasure or any real happiness at all. People don't take you seriously. People don't fucking care what's really there beneath the surface. It's horseshit.
I am nothing special, I never have been and never will be. I am nothing that anyone wants to be important in their life. I'm okay to have around, that's all. I'm useful. I'm an ass. Just Steph. Fuck you. FUCK you.
For someone who seems so ultimately self absorbed, why can't I ever feel like the universe revolves around me and why I matter for one fucking moment in time. FUCK YOU.
fuck you.
I'm sick of being "Steph, just Steph."
That's all I am. Some goofy ass girl that's not horrendous but not picture perfect, sometimes fun, sometimes a total cunt and a bore and a whiney bitch. I dated so and so, I hang out with so and so. I do everything for everyone that never deserves it. I'm generous. I'm just there. I'm not someone that people look for, or miss, or want around. I'm just expected.
I'm sick of my fucking reputation, and my fucking boring stupid life that is going absolutely nowhere. I'm sick of people saying that they're jealous of me when there's nothing to be jealous about. I seem carefree and i may seem like everyone's cool with me but it's really not true. I'm "just Steph." Good but not good enough for anyone. Fucking lame. I don't want to go to college and i don't want a job and I don't want to hang around anyone and i don't want to fucking do anything. I just want some small form of happiness. And i thought that maybe I could force it, but let's get realistic. For someone who's name is always preceded by "just" there isn't gonna be any simple pleasure or any real happiness at all. People don't take you seriously. People don't fucking care what's really there beneath the surface. It's horseshit.
I am nothing special, I never have been and never will be. I am nothing that anyone wants to be important in their life. I'm okay to have around, that's all. I'm useful. I'm an ass. Just Steph. Fuck you. FUCK you.
For someone who seems so ultimately self absorbed, why can't I ever feel like the universe revolves around me and why I matter for one fucking moment in time. FUCK YOU.
fuck you.