Why Not?
I turned 19 in June and I think I'm starting to feel it. This world is a twisted cycle that traps you in it clutches and grinds you into hamburger meat then laughs in your face as it sprinkles garlic salt all over you on the barbecue over burning white hot coals. Its like Xom once said "Cut me with a belt, let the burning pain be felt, wanna feel the whip snap and leave my ass with a welt. Then I laughed cuz I smelled all the calamine witheld, it's a cold fucking world tell me how could this be hell"
THE MORE MONEY YOU SPEND THE MORE YOU NEED
THE MORE YOU FUCK THE HORNIER YOU BECOME
THE UGLIER YOU FEEL THE MORE MAKEUP YOU PUT ON
Gluttony is the invisible fishing wire that runs through america. The sad part is that most of us don't ever achieve a piece of security and "happiness" I watch my mother work 7 days a week year after year just to be able to live somewhat comfortably and buy my genius little sister a musical instrument once in a while. I observe from a cofortable distance as my father sleeps on a lazyboy in my grandmothers house the T.V. on 24/7 just to quiet the torture inside his skull while grandmother sits at the kitchen table clipping coupons for 50 cents off toilet paper. We are in an everlasting depression with the mirage of safety and bliss, retirement and perfect happy familes hanging in front of our faces like a bone attached to a puppy's head constanly 4 inches away. I run and run every day, sometimes I get tired and walk, but no matter how slow or fast I travel it seems what i trick myself into wanting is aways just out of reach. We are not victims just hard working upstanding citezens attempting to live the lives we have chosen. Sure I could be like that homeless girl who went to Harvard to get her degree. Would that make me happy. not that i'm sad but would that be it? I don't know but if I ever made it that far I would fucking force myself to be god damned happy. I think that's what a lot of people do. The house wife who's very existence is absorbed with her children tells herself day after day, this is what i wanted, I'm happy, this is the perfect life, I'm fufilled, and the kids are going to be something dammit! And countless others living the role they chose convincing themselves that they love it or are at least satisfied because to deny that would mean that all their prior efforts meant nothing.
So this is sort of where I'm at right now. I've been working a job for almost a year i don't have much more of anything than when i started except possesions and sobriety, besides the backaches and other stress related symptoms. I do have $550 in my 401K. But I am also about $2500 in debt. i have become dependant on things I didn't care about before. It's funny where i am now in comparison to where I was a year and a half ago. If I had some sweats and a jacket, maybe a tall can and a ciggarette, somewhere to sit down i was happy as a pearl in a clam, if that's possible. Novelties were a bus ticket and a CD player. So Im not getting anywhere in this job and I'm running out of steam and almost totally drained of any creativity musically or otherwise. So in August I'm quitting, hopefully if I have all my fines payed, and going to school full time at the College of Morons, while my wonderfully co-dependant mother supports me. What she means by support I don't know.
I'm sure it's not eating out twice a day, new earrings every week and ice cream on Tuesdays. More like Turkey sandwiches and oreos with milk. Some might call me a pessimist, negtative, but without people like me there wouldn't be shining, optimistic, innovative, motivated, disgustingly ideal people. i just hope I pull a 2.5 or something, GPA that is. I'll be aight, but I haven't figured out if I'm keeping my cell and my car. But what human can live without those right? Well I'm taking a multimedia web desining class so keep your eyes out for my website. It should be interesting. That or mind numbingly dull. I have a lot more to put down but I'm sure if anyones reading this they're probably sik reading me. Plus my arms are sore.
THE MORE MONEY YOU SPEND THE MORE YOU NEED
THE MORE YOU FUCK THE HORNIER YOU BECOME
THE UGLIER YOU FEEL THE MORE MAKEUP YOU PUT ON
Gluttony is the invisible fishing wire that runs through america. The sad part is that most of us don't ever achieve a piece of security and "happiness" I watch my mother work 7 days a week year after year just to be able to live somewhat comfortably and buy my genius little sister a musical instrument once in a while. I observe from a cofortable distance as my father sleeps on a lazyboy in my grandmothers house the T.V. on 24/7 just to quiet the torture inside his skull while grandmother sits at the kitchen table clipping coupons for 50 cents off toilet paper. We are in an everlasting depression with the mirage of safety and bliss, retirement and perfect happy familes hanging in front of our faces like a bone attached to a puppy's head constanly 4 inches away. I run and run every day, sometimes I get tired and walk, but no matter how slow or fast I travel it seems what i trick myself into wanting is aways just out of reach. We are not victims just hard working upstanding citezens attempting to live the lives we have chosen. Sure I could be like that homeless girl who went to Harvard to get her degree. Would that make me happy. not that i'm sad but would that be it? I don't know but if I ever made it that far I would fucking force myself to be god damned happy. I think that's what a lot of people do. The house wife who's very existence is absorbed with her children tells herself day after day, this is what i wanted, I'm happy, this is the perfect life, I'm fufilled, and the kids are going to be something dammit! And countless others living the role they chose convincing themselves that they love it or are at least satisfied because to deny that would mean that all their prior efforts meant nothing.
So this is sort of where I'm at right now. I've been working a job for almost a year i don't have much more of anything than when i started except possesions and sobriety, besides the backaches and other stress related symptoms. I do have $550 in my 401K. But I am also about $2500 in debt. i have become dependant on things I didn't care about before. It's funny where i am now in comparison to where I was a year and a half ago. If I had some sweats and a jacket, maybe a tall can and a ciggarette, somewhere to sit down i was happy as a pearl in a clam, if that's possible. Novelties were a bus ticket and a CD player. So Im not getting anywhere in this job and I'm running out of steam and almost totally drained of any creativity musically or otherwise. So in August I'm quitting, hopefully if I have all my fines payed, and going to school full time at the College of Morons, while my wonderfully co-dependant mother supports me. What she means by support I don't know.
I'm sure it's not eating out twice a day, new earrings every week and ice cream on Tuesdays. More like Turkey sandwiches and oreos with milk. Some might call me a pessimist, negtative, but without people like me there wouldn't be shining, optimistic, innovative, motivated, disgustingly ideal people. i just hope I pull a 2.5 or something, GPA that is. I'll be aight, but I haven't figured out if I'm keeping my cell and my car. But what human can live without those right? Well I'm taking a multimedia web desining class so keep your eyes out for my website. It should be interesting. That or mind numbingly dull. I have a lot more to put down but I'm sure if anyones reading this they're probably sik reading me. Plus my arms are sore.