I can't find a reason to let go, but it's killing me to hang on

[chokeonmytears6]

subliminal3ll (1:30:52 AM): well time will tell.....either it will get better...or itll get worse...or itll stay the same ^^^I hate the fact that only time will tell, & that i have absolutely no control over what is going to happen within the next month or so... --I hate the fact that people can make stupid decisions and not think about how it's going to effect the people who care about them the most... --I hate how I have nothing to do/say to make the situation better.. --I hate that all I want to do is say "I love you" and "everything's going to be fine" but I know if I say that then I'm just sugar-coating the situation, because who can even guarentee that everything will be fine.. --I hate that I want nothing more than to take back what happened, and make it my mistake or something I could deal with, instead of having to watch someone I love go through it, and even though it's not me, I'm going through one of the worst pains I've ever felt, so it'd might as well be me.. --I hate that this had to happen.. and how it's not fucking fair... ------------------------------------------------------ For the past fucking 3 days i've felt like shit.. nd i'm soo goddamn sick of it.. I can't eat right I can't sleep right, I can't concentrate right, I can't seem to do anything right... I just can't seem to get my mind off of what's going on... I mean as hard as I try i just cant... i think this is seriously one of the worst situations I have ever been put in/through in my entire life... even though i know i havent lived long, i think it's fair to say i've experienced and been through WAY more than anyone my age or any age should... And this is probably the worst time for me to be 3 hours away, when i need to be home and dealing with this, even though it's not even my problem, but it's weighing so much on my shoulders.. and I don't know why, maybe I care more than i should or more than i thought... Maybe everyone's wrong who says that it shouldn't be like this that its not my "type"-- I mean who are they to say who the fuck my type is?! when in the first place i dont even know.. I have no idea what's going to happen in my life and I hate that.. I hate not being in control or being able to predict whats going to happen.. I want to be reassured that everything's okay and that this is all a bad dream I'm going to wake up from... I never thought in a million years i'd be dealing with this right now.. and part of me feels guilty for it.. maybe if i hadn't ever been in teh picture things wouldn't have been like this.. maybe thats why I'm putting a lot of it on myself.. Maybe it's all my fault..