im so tired of going through the motions
you know your summer's gone down hill when you start praying for time to go by faster so that school will come. i need school more than i need anything. even though theres still 2 years left before i get to leave for college, im about to start couting down the days. i need school to keep me occupied since at this point i dont care about having any sort of social life. i mean i have one- but god it isnt my top priority anymore. the sad thing is that none of my friends feel that way. i am sick of the whole routine. parties bore me, people bore me, this town bores me. there arent any new people in my life, and i really love meeting new people. the excitement is gone. nothing ever happens for me here, and this isnt the kind of place where i can make something happen for myself. i realize just how much i want to leave Virginia Beach, and i will work as hard as is necessary to do so. nobody understands why i want to go away for college, and i dont really understand how anybody wouldnt want to. i dont even love my friends like i used to. everyone is so transparent... there is not one person (outside of my family) that i feel like i can count on. i need new friends, and its not too possible here. the two weeks in michigan didnt help how i feel at all. it just made me realize that mentally i can leave here and not miss a single thing as long as i know its there for me to come back to. i need to make my life happen... these two years cannot go by fast enough. i have a huge amount planned for my life- i want to make a difference. and now i see that all this shit that i do to be "cool" means nothing, and doesnt do anyhting but get me off track and ive been off track for what 2 years now. i know what i need to do and im ready.