Huh.
Well, kids, here we are again. Yet another year has come and gone, and in an hour it'll be 2006. I have a lot to talk about, so .. Here goes nothing. This might take a while.
I quit my job at Big Lots quite some time ago.. At least two weeks. Colin called me one day, entirely breathless, and explained to me that he had a plan and he knew well enough that it would work. I trusted him, quit my job, and am now unemployed with insurance payments due and an over-drained bank account to keep me company. The only positive outcome of this all is the fact that I got to go to Maine for Christmas.
I suppose that ended up positive for only a couple of small reasons. The first of course being that Mom not only didn't argue with me about my going, she was only bitter for a little while and after that acted as if she had no problem with it. It's progress, that's for sure, and I'm not about to knock it. So Colin, Aaron, Alicia, Jesse, Michelle and I all drove to Maine in two seperate cars (neither of which were mine). A&A's is a stick shift, which I can't drive, so naturally Col and I ended up split between cars on the way up and on the way back. You have no idea how much that sucks, but I managed quite well. Alicia was an overwhelming bitch the entire time, she and Jesse got into a fight, and she wasn't civil to me. While we were there, people bickered, Ellie had no intention of being nice to Alicia and nobody liked each other. Stupidity ran rampant and it was so overwhelming and tiring that all I remember is my two-year-old niece Sarah running around without clothes on and sitting down to play the piano with Ellie while still unclothed. That, and being able to fall asleep next to Colin every night.
As if the 33 hour drive up wasn't enough, the 40-some-odd hour drive down was worse. The first night we spent in a Wal-Mart parking lot in New York instead of driving because A&A demanded that they had to sleep. They were the only ones that slept. After a long, long drive back through some nasty weather, we made it back at about 6:40 this morning. We had stayed two days longer than we intended to in Maine, and our schedules were thrown off. I went to sleep at about 7 AM while still at the apartment and woke up at about quarter after noon when the phone rang. Save-A-Lot reminded Colin that he was supposed to come in, so he dealt with his issues with a payday loan he took out a while ago, and then went to work at 1 PM after I cooked him a mediocre and quick breakfast/lunch of two over-easy eggs and some half slices of old bacon that I think gave us both food poisoning. After all, it was untouched in a baggie in their fridge for something like a week and a half after having already been open for longer. We threw the rest out.
So I came home to a menagerie of bills and notices from the bank that, hey, my account's overdrawn and guess what, they'd like about $500 because it would make them happy. Oh, and Geico wants $89, which I might have to beg either Colin or Mom for. I don't even have gas money at this point, much less $89 that I can freely toss to my insurance. Can't forget the random AOL CD. 90 days, risk free. Earthlink wants $13.95 for a dialup account we aren't using, Adams NetWorks wants $37.somethingorother for the dialup account I AM using, and Capital One is still convinced I should probably be owing them $400. That's $1,039.95 or so that I'm pretty sure I don't have and have no way of getting.
As for my resolutions, well, they seemed pretty great until I actually got home and remembered that this house creeps me out, I'm positively exhausted, and I have bills everywhere that I can't pay. I'm depressed again, I guess. There's a surprise. I was going to do something about maybe losing weight, but I think I've pretty much proved that's a losing battle with me. As for being nicer toward people, so on and so forth.. I'm still going to try, but I don't expect to get anything out of it. Kendra probably hates me because yes, I did abandon her in a sense, and I still feel awful about it but I have no way of putting into words that I feel awful.. And that I felt worse trying to say that I didn't want to go to that concert with her, because I always seem to say no to everything people invite me to. I don't know what my priorities are anymore, and I apparently don't have the guts to just get over my problems and either stop complaining or move out... Although moving out would mean dealing with Alicia on a day-to-day basis, and half the time I'm not sure what's worse anymore. Jessi's life is inherently messed up, but since she won't call me I have no way of getting a hold of her to try and figure out what's wrong, and if I can help.. Which I'm starting to think that maybe she just doesn't want, considering I've tried a couple of times now to get her to call me, or something, and she has yet to do so.
College isn't any better right now. I found out that they'll cover me on Scholars for Quincy this next semester, as long as I'm enrolled full time, and won't ask any questions or demand repayment if I drop the program, which I plan on doing. I'll probably keep on with choir and vocal show, but not take any other classes for now. I don't have a choice, I need to be working more because I can't afford working part time. I always thought for sure that I could just sail through this like everybody else had, that it wouldn't be a problem.. And now here I am, just about dropping out because I apparently can't handle it. Which naturally will give Mom something to complain about, since of course Michelle and Kendra are both still fully enrolled in school and they're going for their degrees and will have them in another two years, and what am I doing? Nothing, that's what.. And I know it isn't Kendra's fault, or Michelle's fault, that Mom spent years comparing me to them and turning my life into an attempt to be them and act like them. That isn't their fault at all, and I know it. It's just frustrating.
Half an hour to 2006, at least in this time zone. I have no real resolutions. I'd be happy with just sorting things out, and I have the feeling that isn't going to happen anytime soon.
I quit my job at Big Lots quite some time ago.. At least two weeks. Colin called me one day, entirely breathless, and explained to me that he had a plan and he knew well enough that it would work. I trusted him, quit my job, and am now unemployed with insurance payments due and an over-drained bank account to keep me company. The only positive outcome of this all is the fact that I got to go to Maine for Christmas.
I suppose that ended up positive for only a couple of small reasons. The first of course being that Mom not only didn't argue with me about my going, she was only bitter for a little while and after that acted as if she had no problem with it. It's progress, that's for sure, and I'm not about to knock it. So Colin, Aaron, Alicia, Jesse, Michelle and I all drove to Maine in two seperate cars (neither of which were mine). A&A's is a stick shift, which I can't drive, so naturally Col and I ended up split between cars on the way up and on the way back. You have no idea how much that sucks, but I managed quite well. Alicia was an overwhelming bitch the entire time, she and Jesse got into a fight, and she wasn't civil to me. While we were there, people bickered, Ellie had no intention of being nice to Alicia and nobody liked each other. Stupidity ran rampant and it was so overwhelming and tiring that all I remember is my two-year-old niece Sarah running around without clothes on and sitting down to play the piano with Ellie while still unclothed. That, and being able to fall asleep next to Colin every night.
As if the 33 hour drive up wasn't enough, the 40-some-odd hour drive down was worse. The first night we spent in a Wal-Mart parking lot in New York instead of driving because A&A demanded that they had to sleep. They were the only ones that slept. After a long, long drive back through some nasty weather, we made it back at about 6:40 this morning. We had stayed two days longer than we intended to in Maine, and our schedules were thrown off. I went to sleep at about 7 AM while still at the apartment and woke up at about quarter after noon when the phone rang. Save-A-Lot reminded Colin that he was supposed to come in, so he dealt with his issues with a payday loan he took out a while ago, and then went to work at 1 PM after I cooked him a mediocre and quick breakfast/lunch of two over-easy eggs and some half slices of old bacon that I think gave us both food poisoning. After all, it was untouched in a baggie in their fridge for something like a week and a half after having already been open for longer. We threw the rest out.
So I came home to a menagerie of bills and notices from the bank that, hey, my account's overdrawn and guess what, they'd like about $500 because it would make them happy. Oh, and Geico wants $89, which I might have to beg either Colin or Mom for. I don't even have gas money at this point, much less $89 that I can freely toss to my insurance. Can't forget the random AOL CD. 90 days, risk free. Earthlink wants $13.95 for a dialup account we aren't using, Adams NetWorks wants $37.somethingorother for the dialup account I AM using, and Capital One is still convinced I should probably be owing them $400. That's $1,039.95 or so that I'm pretty sure I don't have and have no way of getting.
As for my resolutions, well, they seemed pretty great until I actually got home and remembered that this house creeps me out, I'm positively exhausted, and I have bills everywhere that I can't pay. I'm depressed again, I guess. There's a surprise. I was going to do something about maybe losing weight, but I think I've pretty much proved that's a losing battle with me. As for being nicer toward people, so on and so forth.. I'm still going to try, but I don't expect to get anything out of it. Kendra probably hates me because yes, I did abandon her in a sense, and I still feel awful about it but I have no way of putting into words that I feel awful.. And that I felt worse trying to say that I didn't want to go to that concert with her, because I always seem to say no to everything people invite me to. I don't know what my priorities are anymore, and I apparently don't have the guts to just get over my problems and either stop complaining or move out... Although moving out would mean dealing with Alicia on a day-to-day basis, and half the time I'm not sure what's worse anymore. Jessi's life is inherently messed up, but since she won't call me I have no way of getting a hold of her to try and figure out what's wrong, and if I can help.. Which I'm starting to think that maybe she just doesn't want, considering I've tried a couple of times now to get her to call me, or something, and she has yet to do so.
College isn't any better right now. I found out that they'll cover me on Scholars for Quincy this next semester, as long as I'm enrolled full time, and won't ask any questions or demand repayment if I drop the program, which I plan on doing. I'll probably keep on with choir and vocal show, but not take any other classes for now. I don't have a choice, I need to be working more because I can't afford working part time. I always thought for sure that I could just sail through this like everybody else had, that it wouldn't be a problem.. And now here I am, just about dropping out because I apparently can't handle it. Which naturally will give Mom something to complain about, since of course Michelle and Kendra are both still fully enrolled in school and they're going for their degrees and will have them in another two years, and what am I doing? Nothing, that's what.. And I know it isn't Kendra's fault, or Michelle's fault, that Mom spent years comparing me to them and turning my life into an attempt to be them and act like them. That isn't their fault at all, and I know it. It's just frustrating.
Half an hour to 2006, at least in this time zone. I have no real resolutions. I'd be happy with just sorting things out, and I have the feeling that isn't going to happen anytime soon.