roses.... or tears?

[choirdork414]

ok, time for me to reflect on the past year of my life. Although be for warned that I need sleep and I’m almost asleep right now. If I could change many things from this year I would in a heart beat. don't get me wrong I have some pretty good memories but there quite a few things that have really messed me up. the thing that is possessing this journal tonight is that I went with my sister and the kids this afternoon to bring the can's back. well... they have not been done since before Christmas, hence the fact that there were about 50 Mountain dew cans. it felt so good to here the thing crunching all of them. like I was free at last. last year as ruined so many of my hopes and dreams its not even funny. and for a while there I had turned into someone that I’m ashamed I ever was. all to try and hang out with certain people. I was manipulative and I talked and schemed behind people’s backs. Everyone has a drive to fit in and I guess I had found it right there. It was a huge mistake… One that I will always regret. Don’t get me wrong I guess without hanging out with them for a little while I wouldn’t be as close to my best friend but still. I still cannot believe that I ever let it get to where it got. How could I have thought that I had actually found good close friends in them? I’ve even seen eleven year relationships crash and burn over stupid things. You know the saying about friends? The one where they say something like you have two sets of friends the new are silver and the old are gold, well that’s not always true. The gold ones are just as conniving and bitter as the ones that are actually black holes. Gold tarnishes and you see what its really made of.

TBC…. I’m to tired tonight