JUST TO MAKE EVERYTHING CLEAR!
as always, my words are not what i wanted them to be..but here is my best attempt-
Here i am, 36 pages later and im saying my last goodbye's! It has been such an interesting chapter of my life. The best one yet, but the ending was so intense, hard, painful and well i dont know...terribly sucky?
i will miss u all so dearly. just reading through my old post reminded me why i dont mind "taking one for the team".
Conor, i have so many post about you and how much i love you! and still do! I never tried to kiss ashley, and never said nething bad about you. i told you that the night we spoke on the fone...but nonetheless i appologize, bc i love u and just want the best for you.
Caleb, also some more misunderstandings...but man i love u and want the best for u and dani d- u of all people should know that! but nonetheless i appologize and want the best for you!
to everyone else who is mad, or hates me or whatever...
sadly i cant say that everything said about me isnt true...i wish i could... b/c it is sin and i am sorry for it. thankfully God has forgiven me and we are proceeding forward. I hope you can all find it in ure heart to forgive me as well.
my explination for the choice ive made...
most people i know consider my choice cowardly. they consider this, "alex running away." well, just to set the record straight im not! im walking away. i am washing my hands of it all and giving it to GOd, letting Him deal w/ me how He wants to and not letting myself worry about what every1 else thinks. I appologize if this has hurt ure feelings. if it has made you feel like i dont love you or dont care for you. because i do. more than any of you will ever know. i dont even know who is reading this, but i garuntee you, that if u called me and told me u read this i would be able to tell u i loved u and cared very deeply for you! i dont expect this to do any good. for it to fix ne1's hatred or dislike of me or disappointment or anything. i just want to set the record straight!
My plee:
Ive become the very person who i hated. i remeber growing up and hearing terrible things about "christains" and it breaking my heart b/c i had no idea why they could claim to love GOd so much and sin so "drastically" or "badly". In fact it is these very people who have made my faith such a difficult one! 19 and a half and i am that man, and i still dont understand! i wish i did understand so i could offer you a good view on life and sin and why we do it, but i honestly didnt even want to do it! I DID NOT WANT TO, but i did! My plee to you all is simple! dont do what i did when i was younger...take your hurt, or confusion out on God...stories like mine only pushed me away from GOd and He had to do so much to bring me bak...instead let your awe of Him intensify and your curiousity deepen. For it is an amazing wonder how the God of the universe can forgive me, the sinner. I have done nothing for His love and forgiveness, yet He gives it, and gives it freely. He never asked for anything back! mayb your view of me will never be the same. i am okay with that, but if you think differently of God and Christ because of me i could never forgive myself.
This is the end. I am going to figure it all out. Maybe we shall meet again. Im sorry, i truly am! Most of you will never hear from me again, most of you will never see me. I am moving to another country June 4th and until then will not be around much. I love you all dearly! I will prayer for you daily and hope to see you all by my side in the end!
Peace and Blessings:
Farewell
//endchoicelemnt>3:24a.m.~11/29/2005//