Weighty Matters
For Squeamish Bikini I recently dug out my old diaries. One is from when I was 19 and I had forgotten a tonne of stuff about my 19th (or 20th really, isn't it?...Isn't it? yes.) I suppose conveniently because it was not a good year. It was good as in I was still young but wasn't able to recognise that because I was too depressed to get out of bed or do the artwork for the school I had been working to get into all my life.
What I didn't realise was when I could (at home in Belgium) I recorded my weight. I feel I owe people an apology. I have always been slim, and I do on occasion allude to a 'fat...ish' time, but otherwise I smugly say I am always a size 8-10 and when I was big I was a 12. Uhuh. Evidently a lie TO MYSELF that started when I was 19. Because AIN'T NO WAY I WAS SQUEEZING MY 67kg* BODY INTO SIZE 12s. No wonder Nicola was shocked when I recounted a story that was honestly from the year before about meeting a teacher's husband who I used to walk past on my way to school every morning who had commented to me at graduation prom that he'd worried I was cold because (oh the 'THIS IS TOTALLY APPROPRIATE' belief of yoof) I used to wear the lowest hipster jeans and belly button baring tops. "Kate! In BELLY TOPS!" she screeched to friend Karoline who was kindly more discreet.
I am not apologising for being pudgier than I allow myself to recall. I am apologising for saying I never cared. When I have a 2003 diary that come Christmas, Easter, half term and Summer has a little number written in the top left corner. On the day I had to go back to London I record my mum coming up to my room with coffee and cold toast and I write that I threw the toast out the window.
I still excuse the weight by pointing out I was taking the infamous Dianette pill which anyone I have ever spoken to reports gaining 2 stone on. It took a year and a half for that to seemingly leave my system and get back more or less to my usual weight, which obviously was not going to be the weight I was when I first moved to Belgium at 16 and stepped on the excitingly foreign KG scales and asked if 50kg was a big number or not.
Gosh but you could just slap yourself from years ago couldn't you?
*remember I am short. I am sure that is an acceptable weight for the over 5 feet people
What I didn't realise was when I could (at home in Belgium) I recorded my weight. I feel I owe people an apology. I have always been slim, and I do on occasion allude to a 'fat...ish' time, but otherwise I smugly say I am always a size 8-10 and when I was big I was a 12. Uhuh. Evidently a lie TO MYSELF that started when I was 19. Because AIN'T NO WAY I WAS SQUEEZING MY 67kg* BODY INTO SIZE 12s. No wonder Nicola was shocked when I recounted a story that was honestly from the year before about meeting a teacher's husband who I used to walk past on my way to school every morning who had commented to me at graduation prom that he'd worried I was cold because (oh the 'THIS IS TOTALLY APPROPRIATE' belief of yoof) I used to wear the lowest hipster jeans and belly button baring tops. "Kate! In BELLY TOPS!" she screeched to friend Karoline who was kindly more discreet.
I am not apologising for being pudgier than I allow myself to recall. I am apologising for saying I never cared. When I have a 2003 diary that come Christmas, Easter, half term and Summer has a little number written in the top left corner. On the day I had to go back to London I record my mum coming up to my room with coffee and cold toast and I write that I threw the toast out the window.
I still excuse the weight by pointing out I was taking the infamous Dianette pill which anyone I have ever spoken to reports gaining 2 stone on. It took a year and a half for that to seemingly leave my system and get back more or less to my usual weight, which obviously was not going to be the weight I was when I first moved to Belgium at 16 and stepped on the excitingly foreign KG scales and asked if 50kg was a big number or not.
Gosh but you could just slap yourself from years ago couldn't you?
*remember I am short. I am sure that is an acceptable weight for the over 5 feet people